come
I keep finding myself in these situations where I'm in bed with people that I barely know and I have learned something about myself. I suck at one night stands. What I mean by that is that I can never seem to suppress the urge to, like, make them breakfast and kiss them affectionately at times that it's inapprpriate for a person who's not really that in to you to kiss you affectionately. Have I mentioned this before? It's possible. But it deserves mentioning again. This most recent situation is with a girl that I don't just feel compelled to act like I want to see again. I actually wanna see her again. Don't I? I am so fucked up. She used my toothbrush in the morning and it totally didn't wierd me out. My boss, who I affectionately term my hot boss and who I am completely in love with, said a little while ago, while we talked about relationships, that they're all dissapointments, it's about managing that dissapointment. Finding the reason to stick around. I so don't buy that. There's gotta be someone with whom I'm not dissapointed. This girl gives me a voracious feeling of wanting. Pressed against the wall sweating short of breath hard and beautiful wanting. Laying around awake for far too long dizzy on the way she smells wanting.
but enough of that. I don't just want those things once. And I want the breakfast and the flowers the next morning to mean something. She's the only person in my life who's ever said to me "you're hot and I want you" and it made me feel shitty. I mean, like really shitty. I've never felt less hot.
so enough of that. Papa's got a brand new bag.
I was at Sean Morgan's house today and I said, outloud, "I'm just not gonna have sex with people who don't care about me". And when you say it outloud, man. Makes me feel like a complete idiot for thinking that doing this any other way was even remotely healthy.
And then Sean and I laughed so fucking hard at some random shit that I literally - literally - fell out of my chair. After me and this girl had a talk, deciding in the end to keep seeing eachother but to start over from the beginning, kinda, I went home and felt like a worthless piece of shit. I wanted to cry so bad. So I fell out of my chair laughing tonight and it accomplished more or less the same thing.
but enough of that. I don't just want those things once. And I want the breakfast and the flowers the next morning to mean something. She's the only person in my life who's ever said to me "you're hot and I want you" and it made me feel shitty. I mean, like really shitty. I've never felt less hot.
so enough of that. Papa's got a brand new bag.
I was at Sean Morgan's house today and I said, outloud, "I'm just not gonna have sex with people who don't care about me". And when you say it outloud, man. Makes me feel like a complete idiot for thinking that doing this any other way was even remotely healthy.
And then Sean and I laughed so fucking hard at some random shit that I literally - literally - fell out of my chair. After me and this girl had a talk, deciding in the end to keep seeing eachother but to start over from the beginning, kinda, I went home and felt like a worthless piece of shit. I wanted to cry so bad. So I fell out of my chair laughing tonight and it accomplished more or less the same thing.