(no subject)
Something is bothering me and I need to get it off my chest so read on only if you actually want to hear me whine about my life.
If not, leave. Now.
One of my trademarks, one of the things I've always prided myself on is being right about my emotions. Now, I didn't always know how I felt about something or what that emotion meant, but once I figured those out, I was right. Always. That doesn't mean I knew what to do about them or that I would handle them in the best possible way, but I knew what they were and why I felt them. But not anymore.
Now, since homecoming, the night I got dumped, I have been working on figuring exactly what my emotions about the entire situation were as well as where those emotions stemmed from and how to overcome them. Basically, I was going through the same process I go through whenever I get dumped (yes, I have been dumped enough times to have come up with a system to get over it). And for a while everything went fine. But since the situation was so complex, I needed some time to sort it all out. That's all perfectly normal for me. At about the beginning of the week last week I felt confident I was completely over her. Apparently I was wrong.
On Friday, I called her to see if we could hang out over the weekend. But when I tried to talk to her on the phone, I could barely get a word out past the lump in my throat. I finally managed to ask her and she told me to come to this benefit thing at a bar on Saturday. So I went. But the entire time I was there, every time I tried to talk to her, it would come out wrong. Like if I was mad at her or just being a jackass. And I don't know why, because I wasn't. After I came home I concluded that I was just not over her. And the fact I was wrong about my emotions bothers me almost as much as the fact I'm not over her.
I'm not sure why I'm not over her. I've had relationships that lasted much longer, ones that, at the time, I felt meant so much more. And I got over them. Faster than this. And without any mistakes. Maybe its because people keep bringing her up. Maybe I don't follow the system right. Maybe its because I can't assign blame on the break-up, since it wasn't any ones fault. It could be any of those. But I feel that she was something special to me and that I can't stand to lose her, but I don't what to do about it. This doesn't makes as much sense as the other ones, but I feel its right. I don't lnow why. In fact, abot this topic, it seems I don't know a lot about my own thoughts and emotions.
And that bothers me. A lot.
If any of you actually read all that, thank you. if not, it still helped me just to type it out.
If not, leave. Now.
One of my trademarks, one of the things I've always prided myself on is being right about my emotions. Now, I didn't always know how I felt about something or what that emotion meant, but once I figured those out, I was right. Always. That doesn't mean I knew what to do about them or that I would handle them in the best possible way, but I knew what they were and why I felt them. But not anymore.
Now, since homecoming, the night I got dumped, I have been working on figuring exactly what my emotions about the entire situation were as well as where those emotions stemmed from and how to overcome them. Basically, I was going through the same process I go through whenever I get dumped (yes, I have been dumped enough times to have come up with a system to get over it). And for a while everything went fine. But since the situation was so complex, I needed some time to sort it all out. That's all perfectly normal for me. At about the beginning of the week last week I felt confident I was completely over her. Apparently I was wrong.
On Friday, I called her to see if we could hang out over the weekend. But when I tried to talk to her on the phone, I could barely get a word out past the lump in my throat. I finally managed to ask her and she told me to come to this benefit thing at a bar on Saturday. So I went. But the entire time I was there, every time I tried to talk to her, it would come out wrong. Like if I was mad at her or just being a jackass. And I don't know why, because I wasn't. After I came home I concluded that I was just not over her. And the fact I was wrong about my emotions bothers me almost as much as the fact I'm not over her.
I'm not sure why I'm not over her. I've had relationships that lasted much longer, ones that, at the time, I felt meant so much more. And I got over them. Faster than this. And without any mistakes. Maybe its because people keep bringing her up. Maybe I don't follow the system right. Maybe its because I can't assign blame on the break-up, since it wasn't any ones fault. It could be any of those. But I feel that she was something special to me and that I can't stand to lose her, but I don't what to do about it. This doesn't makes as much sense as the other ones, but I feel its right. I don't lnow why. In fact, abot this topic, it seems I don't know a lot about my own thoughts and emotions.
And that bothers me. A lot.
If any of you actually read all that, thank you. if not, it still helped me just to type it out.