Endlessly (1/2)
“Oh, another rehearsal. See you tomorrow then!” Donghae grins.
I told Donghae before that I am sharing the rehearsal with his crush. I think I’m a great help to Donghae. I’m happy, that out of all his friends and out of all the people in the campus, he chose to confide everything with me. Maybe he realizes I am nice.
The feelings he has towards Lee Sungmin, as he said, might pass by time. “If not now, maybe later.” I said maybe it’s because he’s just missing the presence of his girlfriend. Because in my opinion, Sungmin’s face is a little feminine, and his skin’s too pretty to be manly. Maybe Sungmin resembles a girl image to Donghae.
Inside the rehearsal studio, the first person to notice is Shindong. He’s sleeping on the couch intended only for the instructor, and when he wakes up a little later, he jumps off the couch and grins. “You’re not… telling anyone… right?” “Sure.”
“You weren’t here on our yesterday rehearsal, right?” He sits on the wooden floor beside me and fixes the tie of his shoe. He continues as I nod, “Yunho already gave us the steps from the second chorus to the ending and he told us to inform you-Uh, what’s your name again?” “Hyukjae.” “Yeah, Hyukjae, he told us to inform you your new place on the second stanza.”
He stands up and walks on the other side of the room saying that is where I enter and then he walks to the middle aisle saying that is where I am positioned. To be very honest, I can’t remember what we had the last time I was with them so it’s a relief there are a few changes. At least I have an excuse on why I might not be able to catch up.
Minutes later, the studio’s filled with twelve people and teacher Yunho appears from the backdoor. “Are we complete?”
“Lee Sungmin’s not yet here.” A senior answers. Just then when I observe the people around the room, Sungmin’s really not yet here. Nevertheless, we start off with the stretches and warm-ups. At 5 pm, Sungmin enters from the backdoor, to which Yunho ignores despite his reminder never to use that door except on life-and-death situations. He’s in his workout clothes, hair ponytailed, showering in his sweat. “I was in a field trip and the bus arrived here later than expected. Sorry.” Yunho has a soft heart and asks him if he wants to shower first or sit for awhile (on the couch, to which Shindong coughs). Sungmin agrees on taking a shower and will head back immediately. He’s only a few walks away from his house, which is the dorm. Then my mouth forms an ‘Oh’ when it hits me that Donghae’s a dormer, too.
○○
At 9pm, Donghae texts me how did the rehearsal go.
Me: He’s late. He said he was in a field trip. He went there really exhausted.
Hae: I just saw he went upstairs after the rehearsal and he seemed so upset.
Me: I’m not sure. But when he came in, he was allowed to at least take the shower first. When he came back, he’s cheerful again. He’s cheerful during the dance.
Hae: What could possibly be the problem then?
Me: I’m not sure... We’re not that close.
The interval of our replies is less than a minute but it’s only after 10 minutes when Donghae replies back.
Hae: Maybe Sungmin had another fight with Ryeowook :(
I imagine how Hae must have bugged his dormmates to extract stories on those 10 minutes. I decide not to reply.
○○○○The moment I wake up, Friday morning, there’s one new message from Donghae saying he already has Sungmin’s number and ‘what am I gonna say I wanna talk with him!!’ I suggest for him to stay calm and start a calm conversation.
No texts from Hae during the weekend. Monday, he turns to me and summarizes his conversation with Sungmin whose contact name has a heart in it. “We talked about Ryeowook and he said they often have fights. I think he’s having a miserable relationship.”
Ryeowook must be a little of a witch then, I assume. Does Sungmin really love Ryeowook? Or does Ryeowook really love Sungmin? I realize I am thinking too loud when Donghae speaks, “For me, I am sure I love Sungmin.” He says he loves Sungmin to the extent he can actually call it off with his girlfriend if Sungmin asks him to.
“But Yuri’s a wonderful girl!”
Donghae ignores my comment and stays silent for awhile. Later, he mutters a sorry, that he’s thinking too loud.
○○○○
The show’s slowly approaching and Yunho insists that we meet thrice a week to insert two more songs to perform. After a few consecutive rehearsals, I finally get to adjust on the environment of the performing majors. Actually, I’m the only Engineering major who’s brave enough to join along the other Performing Arts student. There’s Park Jungsu, an alien like me, but he’s taking Psychology. At least I have him so most of the time I don’t have to deal very much with other students. I am more close to him among the group since we’re both on the same boat. Just last week when we found out we live near each other. We often go home together.
Today’s rehearsal took at least 3 hours. After a few comments of improvement from the directors, we are allowed to go. It’s already 7 pm, and I know I’m going to go home by myself because Jungsu’s absent.
“Anyone else who left anything upstairs?” I decide to ask everyone before coming out of the auditorium because I can’t just go up there alone. Alright, let’s say I’m scared.
Then I see Sungmin raising his hand on my periphery.
○○○○○
“Tiring day, isn’t it?” Sungmin blocks inaudible noise on the background. He smiles with his teeth only seen. I can’t see anything else. The stairs seem steeper and it’s very dark. The switch is right on the last step and it takes us to the door before we could switch the lights on. I don’t get the logic of whoever designed this.
I give him an awkward smile. “Ah, yes it is.”
Sungmin stops for awhile and I find myself stopping too before I crush my face behind him. He looks at me for awhile then shrugs. “Is that Call Me Maybe?”
“I’m sorry?”
“Is that Call Me Maybe? It’s playing, can you hear it?”
I laugh, realizing it is my alarm tone, set on 7:45pm, the usual time I have to feed my cat Gaeri. I reach for my phone and shut it off. “Sorry.”
Reaching the door, Sungmin switches the light on. “It’s funny, the switch. It’s placed up here. It should be down there. Don’t you think so, Hyuk?”
Hyuk. “Ah yeah, ridiculous.”
We decide leaving with the lights on after getting our bags and shoes, thinking maybe others might want to grab their stuff here too. We go down in silence until my phone rings the same song as awhile ago and again, Sungmin bursts on small chuckles. “Maybe I pressed ‘snooze’ instead of ‘cancel’.”’
“How would you know where you’re pressing, you’re looking at me too much!”
Then I look up to him with my eyes wide open, and I know I am a tomato. The lights are frigging on. Sungmin lightly taps my shoulder. “Hey, I’m kidding. You must like that song so much. I don’t like that song to be honest.”
“Uh, well my sister must have changed my original tone to that song. I don’t like that song either.”
“Don’t worry, I don’t think so that’s your type of music.” Then he grins before he continues, “I find it cute and annoying at the same time. But I still don’t like it.”
“Just like that Friday song.” “Oh! Yeah, that song’s too funny!”
We try to recall the lyrics to that song but after a few walks, we only get to finish the chorus because we realize we have to stop, and I have to get my distance, because we’re approaching the school’s garden, and Ryeowook has both his hands around him, eyes darting on me. I hear Sungmin’s ‘Oh…’
“I’ll have to go home now.” I smile. He laughs a little and whispers, “There’s another annoying song, I just forgot the title. I’ll let you know. I’ll text you.”
The way home I feel so happy that he’s going to text me.
Then I realize we haven’t exchanged numbers.
○○○○○○
{C}{C}{C}
That song kept me up the whole night and until this morning, I am still thinking about it. Could there be any weirder song than Friday? Did Sungmin send me the title and still can’t receive it? By chance, could he have my number? Or did he search me on Facebook and sends me the title there instead? I haven’t seen Facebook yet. Should I check?
Facebook has no new notification so I assume Sungmin forgot about it. At school, I see Donghae waiting for me outside the room. We only share three classes: Biology, History, and Mandarin classes.
“Hey, how was yesterday?”
I have to feign a surprise face. I know he’s going to ask about that. He knows the schedule to my rehearsals.
“Well, I get to share a small talk with him for the first time. He’s quite funny.”
“Yes he is! What did you talk about?”
“Well, random things. I almost forgot half our conversation.”
Donghae blinks his eyes on me. I know he wants me to tell more. “We talked about such a tiring day.” “What is he tired about? Did he mention it? Except from the rehearsals?”
“He didn’t. He said he’s tired. I said I am tired too. That’s it.” “Is there something else?”
I smile and he frowns. I notice he looks away. Also I notice he used something, not anything. When he looks back, I pat his back and mouths Nothing Else. He still isn’t contented with what I reported him. Watching him sulking as he enters the room, I promise to at least tell him the random things if he finds it interesting and necessary.
○○○○○○○
Tonight’s our technical dress rehearsal with open audience. Mine’s a pair of baggy pants and black tank. As I try it on, I notice an extra scarf and I don’t have any idea where to put it on. Walking out of the dressing room, I find no one and one of the volunteers tells me they’re all on the waiting area already.
I rush up to find they’re all panicking to line up. Then someone snatches the scarf from my hand and wraps it on my neck.
“The red scarf has to contrast on both our black top and pants. Adjust the knot; I don’t want to smother you if I have it too tight.”
Sungmin, without any more word, leaves to his line. Without realizing it, I am smiling to both ears.
○○○○○○○○
“He helped me with my costume last night. He saved me from my strike two from the artistic director.”
Donghae sits upstraight and nods. “Hey, I have something to tell you.”
Then I turn to face him. His eyes are colorful and even he won’t mention it, it definitely is a good news.
“We met last night on the chapel. We talked for hours. Random things. Then I finally confessed that I am interested with him. Hyukjae, you know I am not the type to beat around the bush. I want him to know and decide. Besides, Yuri doesn’t seem to mind.”
His statement makes me shut up. Yuri doesn’t seem to mind. He confessed and they talked for hours. I am not quite sure of how his words actually registered on me and how are his thoughts actually arranged and how I manage to drop the can of coke I’m holding.
I feel like drowning.
○○○○○○○○○
“Hey, hey, hey! What’s your name again?”
Sungmin appears behind me with an empty tray. I wonder how he gets on behind me if there’s a line. I ask for a cup of rice on the counter while Sungmin asks for his plate, and on his plate’s two cups of rice. I try not reacting.
“Hey, hey, don’t look at me like that!” “How could you not know my name?”
I walk to get my can of coke. He asks for a bottle of water. “I’m kidding. Of course, I know your name. It’s Hyukkie, right?”
Hyukkie. The way he says it, my stomach reacts weirdly. He lines up ahead of me while I stop in daze. Only I start moving when the person behind me mutters something like I’m blocking his way. I stop to get fried chicken when Sungmin tails behind me. “Hyukkie, give me some too.”
I reach for the tongs and offers him a piece. I decide not to get one for me. I think I won’t be able to digest anything anyway.
○○○○○○○○○○
counter added: 03/23/14
I told Donghae before that I am sharing the rehearsal with his crush. I think I’m a great help to Donghae. I’m happy, that out of all his friends and out of all the people in the campus, he chose to confide everything with me. Maybe he realizes I am nice.
The feelings he has towards Lee Sungmin, as he said, might pass by time. “If not now, maybe later.” I said maybe it’s because he’s just missing the presence of his girlfriend. Because in my opinion, Sungmin’s face is a little feminine, and his skin’s too pretty to be manly. Maybe Sungmin resembles a girl image to Donghae.
Inside the rehearsal studio, the first person to notice is Shindong. He’s sleeping on the couch intended only for the instructor, and when he wakes up a little later, he jumps off the couch and grins. “You’re not… telling anyone… right?” “Sure.”
“You weren’t here on our yesterday rehearsal, right?” He sits on the wooden floor beside me and fixes the tie of his shoe. He continues as I nod, “Yunho already gave us the steps from the second chorus to the ending and he told us to inform you-Uh, what’s your name again?” “Hyukjae.” “Yeah, Hyukjae, he told us to inform you your new place on the second stanza.”
He stands up and walks on the other side of the room saying that is where I enter and then he walks to the middle aisle saying that is where I am positioned. To be very honest, I can’t remember what we had the last time I was with them so it’s a relief there are a few changes. At least I have an excuse on why I might not be able to catch up.
Minutes later, the studio’s filled with twelve people and teacher Yunho appears from the backdoor. “Are we complete?”
“Lee Sungmin’s not yet here.” A senior answers. Just then when I observe the people around the room, Sungmin’s really not yet here. Nevertheless, we start off with the stretches and warm-ups. At 5 pm, Sungmin enters from the backdoor, to which Yunho ignores despite his reminder never to use that door except on life-and-death situations. He’s in his workout clothes, hair ponytailed, showering in his sweat. “I was in a field trip and the bus arrived here later than expected. Sorry.” Yunho has a soft heart and asks him if he wants to shower first or sit for awhile (on the couch, to which Shindong coughs). Sungmin agrees on taking a shower and will head back immediately. He’s only a few walks away from his house, which is the dorm. Then my mouth forms an ‘Oh’ when it hits me that Donghae’s a dormer, too.
○○
At 9pm, Donghae texts me how did the rehearsal go.
Me: He’s late. He said he was in a field trip. He went there really exhausted.
Hae: I just saw he went upstairs after the rehearsal and he seemed so upset.
Me: I’m not sure. But when he came in, he was allowed to at least take the shower first. When he came back, he’s cheerful again. He’s cheerful during the dance.
Hae: What could possibly be the problem then?
Me: I’m not sure... We’re not that close.
The interval of our replies is less than a minute but it’s only after 10 minutes when Donghae replies back.
Hae: Maybe Sungmin had another fight with Ryeowook :(
I imagine how Hae must have bugged his dormmates to extract stories on those 10 minutes. I decide not to reply.
○○○○The moment I wake up, Friday morning, there’s one new message from Donghae saying he already has Sungmin’s number and ‘what am I gonna say I wanna talk with him!!’ I suggest for him to stay calm and start a calm conversation.
No texts from Hae during the weekend. Monday, he turns to me and summarizes his conversation with Sungmin whose contact name has a heart in it. “We talked about Ryeowook and he said they often have fights. I think he’s having a miserable relationship.”
Ryeowook must be a little of a witch then, I assume. Does Sungmin really love Ryeowook? Or does Ryeowook really love Sungmin? I realize I am thinking too loud when Donghae speaks, “For me, I am sure I love Sungmin.” He says he loves Sungmin to the extent he can actually call it off with his girlfriend if Sungmin asks him to.
“But Yuri’s a wonderful girl!”
Donghae ignores my comment and stays silent for awhile. Later, he mutters a sorry, that he’s thinking too loud.
○○○○
The show’s slowly approaching and Yunho insists that we meet thrice a week to insert two more songs to perform. After a few consecutive rehearsals, I finally get to adjust on the environment of the performing majors. Actually, I’m the only Engineering major who’s brave enough to join along the other Performing Arts student. There’s Park Jungsu, an alien like me, but he’s taking Psychology. At least I have him so most of the time I don’t have to deal very much with other students. I am more close to him among the group since we’re both on the same boat. Just last week when we found out we live near each other. We often go home together.
Today’s rehearsal took at least 3 hours. After a few comments of improvement from the directors, we are allowed to go. It’s already 7 pm, and I know I’m going to go home by myself because Jungsu’s absent.
“Anyone else who left anything upstairs?” I decide to ask everyone before coming out of the auditorium because I can’t just go up there alone. Alright, let’s say I’m scared.
Then I see Sungmin raising his hand on my periphery.
○○○○○
“Tiring day, isn’t it?” Sungmin blocks inaudible noise on the background. He smiles with his teeth only seen. I can’t see anything else. The stairs seem steeper and it’s very dark. The switch is right on the last step and it takes us to the door before we could switch the lights on. I don’t get the logic of whoever designed this.
I give him an awkward smile. “Ah, yes it is.”
Sungmin stops for awhile and I find myself stopping too before I crush my face behind him. He looks at me for awhile then shrugs. “Is that Call Me Maybe?”
“I’m sorry?”
“Is that Call Me Maybe? It’s playing, can you hear it?”
I laugh, realizing it is my alarm tone, set on 7:45pm, the usual time I have to feed my cat Gaeri. I reach for my phone and shut it off. “Sorry.”
Reaching the door, Sungmin switches the light on. “It’s funny, the switch. It’s placed up here. It should be down there. Don’t you think so, Hyuk?”
Hyuk. “Ah yeah, ridiculous.”
We decide leaving with the lights on after getting our bags and shoes, thinking maybe others might want to grab their stuff here too. We go down in silence until my phone rings the same song as awhile ago and again, Sungmin bursts on small chuckles. “Maybe I pressed ‘snooze’ instead of ‘cancel’.”’
“How would you know where you’re pressing, you’re looking at me too much!”
Then I look up to him with my eyes wide open, and I know I am a tomato. The lights are frigging on. Sungmin lightly taps my shoulder. “Hey, I’m kidding. You must like that song so much. I don’t like that song to be honest.”
“Uh, well my sister must have changed my original tone to that song. I don’t like that song either.”
“Don’t worry, I don’t think so that’s your type of music.” Then he grins before he continues, “I find it cute and annoying at the same time. But I still don’t like it.”
“Just like that Friday song.” “Oh! Yeah, that song’s too funny!”
We try to recall the lyrics to that song but after a few walks, we only get to finish the chorus because we realize we have to stop, and I have to get my distance, because we’re approaching the school’s garden, and Ryeowook has both his hands around him, eyes darting on me. I hear Sungmin’s ‘Oh…’
“I’ll have to go home now.” I smile. He laughs a little and whispers, “There’s another annoying song, I just forgot the title. I’ll let you know. I’ll text you.”
The way home I feel so happy that he’s going to text me.
Then I realize we haven’t exchanged numbers.
○○○○○○
{C}{C}{C}
That song kept me up the whole night and until this morning, I am still thinking about it. Could there be any weirder song than Friday? Did Sungmin send me the title and still can’t receive it? By chance, could he have my number? Or did he search me on Facebook and sends me the title there instead? I haven’t seen Facebook yet. Should I check?
Facebook has no new notification so I assume Sungmin forgot about it. At school, I see Donghae waiting for me outside the room. We only share three classes: Biology, History, and Mandarin classes.
“Hey, how was yesterday?”
I have to feign a surprise face. I know he’s going to ask about that. He knows the schedule to my rehearsals.
“Well, I get to share a small talk with him for the first time. He’s quite funny.”
“Yes he is! What did you talk about?”
“Well, random things. I almost forgot half our conversation.”
Donghae blinks his eyes on me. I know he wants me to tell more. “We talked about such a tiring day.” “What is he tired about? Did he mention it? Except from the rehearsals?”
“He didn’t. He said he’s tired. I said I am tired too. That’s it.” “Is there something else?”
I smile and he frowns. I notice he looks away. Also I notice he used something, not anything. When he looks back, I pat his back and mouths Nothing Else. He still isn’t contented with what I reported him. Watching him sulking as he enters the room, I promise to at least tell him the random things if he finds it interesting and necessary.
○○○○○○○
Tonight’s our technical dress rehearsal with open audience. Mine’s a pair of baggy pants and black tank. As I try it on, I notice an extra scarf and I don’t have any idea where to put it on. Walking out of the dressing room, I find no one and one of the volunteers tells me they’re all on the waiting area already.
I rush up to find they’re all panicking to line up. Then someone snatches the scarf from my hand and wraps it on my neck.
“The red scarf has to contrast on both our black top and pants. Adjust the knot; I don’t want to smother you if I have it too tight.”
Sungmin, without any more word, leaves to his line. Without realizing it, I am smiling to both ears.
○○○○○○○○
“He helped me with my costume last night. He saved me from my strike two from the artistic director.”
Donghae sits upstraight and nods. “Hey, I have something to tell you.”
Then I turn to face him. His eyes are colorful and even he won’t mention it, it definitely is a good news.
“We met last night on the chapel. We talked for hours. Random things. Then I finally confessed that I am interested with him. Hyukjae, you know I am not the type to beat around the bush. I want him to know and decide. Besides, Yuri doesn’t seem to mind.”
His statement makes me shut up. Yuri doesn’t seem to mind. He confessed and they talked for hours. I am not quite sure of how his words actually registered on me and how are his thoughts actually arranged and how I manage to drop the can of coke I’m holding.
I feel like drowning.
○○○○○○○○○
“Hey, hey, hey! What’s your name again?”
Sungmin appears behind me with an empty tray. I wonder how he gets on behind me if there’s a line. I ask for a cup of rice on the counter while Sungmin asks for his plate, and on his plate’s two cups of rice. I try not reacting.
“Hey, hey, don’t look at me like that!” “How could you not know my name?”
I walk to get my can of coke. He asks for a bottle of water. “I’m kidding. Of course, I know your name. It’s Hyukkie, right?”
Hyukkie. The way he says it, my stomach reacts weirdly. He lines up ahead of me while I stop in daze. Only I start moving when the person behind me mutters something like I’m blocking his way. I stop to get fried chicken when Sungmin tails behind me. “Hyukkie, give me some too.”
I reach for the tongs and offers him a piece. I decide not to get one for me. I think I won’t be able to digest anything anyway.
○○○○○○○○○○
counter added: 03/23/14