(no subject)

[doubledipp]

again with the back and forth.  now i know i have to wait till my little man is born to be able to file for child support (establish paternity and all).  i know he's not going to amount to anything, i knew that a long time ago.  but like i said before, perhaps this is the person (i mean nathan not eliot) that i can give all of my love to.  and i dont just mean that casually, i mean give him the kind of care and concern my mother felt for me, but was too wrapped up in her own sick sad little world to give me that love.  i mean the kind of love that i could never have for any man...the love that i havent been given.  i can kiss him and cuddle him and hug him, and be his mommy.  you know?  i can be there from day one and be the one that reaps the rewards of those affections 20 and 30 years down the road.  and when he gets married, and has children of his own, he'll remember the love that i gave him, and he'll strive to do that for his kids.  he'll have my ambition, i know he wont learn to settle.  and it wont be an overbearing ambition....it will be mild, but god, i cant wait to see what this little boy grows up to be.  i cant wait to finally recieve the love that i've been lacking, the love of my baby.  my son.  wow, it all seems kind of surreal, you know?  i mean, i knew the moment i was pregnant...i just knew it.  i knew my life was never going to be the same again, i cant believe i could have thought about giving this up.  wow, i just cant believe that soon, very soon, i'm going to have a child....hell i would still be in complete denial if it werent for the fact that i have a giant belly!  oh, and the fact that he is my little muhammad ali!  anyways, i need to call it a night (granted i'll probably sit up for another hour or so playing solitaire)...just watch, it will be when i least expect it that i'll go into labor, my little man is toying with me already!

btw, alyse, thank you so much for the adorable little clothes!  everyone loves the little worm and the little robe, so that will be one of the first things i take pictures of him.