(no subject)
iight so i thought i was going to have a goodday when i woke up
becuase i had a dreamabout christmas and family, and my "guy"well used to be
i dono.
so right when i woke up guess who i got a call from..my BOY!!
i was so happy,but i tried not to act like it cause i was still mad that he didnt go to my game lastnight!
anywayz after talking to him i guess, well i actually dont know what happened
but if we were together before, we arnt now...
and i hate it, becuase all i wanted to do was be with him get to know him and move on!
hes
the only thing that has made me happy within 3 fucking months....
um, okay so yeah i shouldnt be talking to "bobby"
and i dont know what i am, there is no explination for it
i guess its cause i wanna beableto talk to him when the baby's born.
me not talking to someone, doesnt that mean THEY won
wotn that just show then that im scared? i dont want him to think that he got his way!
i talkedto my mom about this.... even tho he raped me, we were going out before that,a nd its going to take me a while to get over it
to understand why it happened, what went wrong..all this stuff
nomatter who i talked toabout it other then mymom.. i feel like no one understands me.
bc they dont. and i dotn expect them to anymore.
imean i can understand why he "broke up" with me i guess
becuase in my security issues with guys, but shit... that was 3 months ago im going to need help to get over it
instead of breaking up wiht me.. why not be there to helpme with it..
hesaid he wanted to beable to grow with me after i told him the deal...
but hey i had to learn this the hard way
all guys are alike
they think with their dick first right.. i mean who can blame em?
i feel like i have somuch to say after crying all day and locking myself in my room away from my roomate and hey family after gettin off the phone..
but i mean shit, i cant spend anymore time crying over random shit,andbeingdepressed
i have tomove on from guys
from my own feeling
from feeling sorry formyself
and look at the big picture..
im going to have a baby soon.. if im going to be healthy i mean shit
being depressed doesnt help!
....
=-( shitty ass fuking day.
i still like him alot and want him to be apart ofmylife, but im not going to go after him, i donno how to...if i did i would just feel as thoim leaving my self open for anoher asswhole to fuck with me
and im better then that right?
RIGHT.....