wow, would i love that..
The thought of suicide has been lingering for a while now..its been getting harder to shake off this feeling each day. I just dont feel good anymore..the only time i feel happy is when im with Mike or the Supremes, but seeing the supremes is getting harder, i swear as soon as i can drive i am going to try and see them almost everyday. I have to be with them, they keep me sane, without them im so lost. School is lonely and boring, i dont want to be there anymore, i dont want to be here anymore. i just want to dissapear...I got a 66 on my holocaust test and i thought i had done so well :( i studied and everything. ugh, i hate tests so much. i got a 77 on my test about the male reproductive organs and i thought id done atleast a lil bit better than that, u kno? Idk wat to do with myself anymore..i have to prepare for college but im scared, i dont want to ge scholarships cause that shit is just a big joke, i look up art scholarships and all of them are to write essays, wtf!!! what does that have to do with art!! nothing, exactly. i cant write essays, i draw. i had to take my HSPA again yesterday cause i failed by 6 points the first time, i bet i failed that again. damnit, im an artist not a mathmetician!!! Mike isnt going to pick me up from school anymore cause he says its too much out of his way if were hanging out cause he passes my house before he gets to the school. great, that was like to only thing i had to look forward to but thats over...fucking dr.haynes wont text me back, i havent had an appointment in almost 2 months! i need to talk!! maybe i can get mike to take me tomorrow to get an appointment. i doubt it tho...he says he wants to save gas, which i dont blame him. i hate my life right now, it seems so empty and yet so full. i have things i can do: homework, i have a job now, draw, write, prepare for college-so much shit to do, but i dont want to do any of it...i need something exciting to do, i need something permanent, like suicide. i dont want to cut i just want to see my psyciatrist get my meds and OD...i would love that so much right now..wow, would i love that..