A Porn Nation should not blame the Porn
I didn’t go to the Porn Nation presentation last week and now I wish I had. For those of you who didn’t go or haven’t heard about it, here is a link to the website (www.pornnation.org). The general story seems to go Michael Leahy, the speaker at this presentation (which was put on by a number of Christian groups on campus), was a respectable guy with a wife and two kids living the American dream (at least that’s how he presents it). But all the while he was watching porn constantly and becoming more and more obsessed which eventually lead to an affair which caused the end of his marriage and near financial ruin. He goes on to explain that we live in a hyper sexualized culture that objectifies women and so on and so forth. And because some people become addicted to porn, we should stop viewing it because it destroys the relationships we have with other people and it objectifies women. If I got the thrust of his presentation wrong, please correct me. I must reiterate that I was not there I merely read about it in the news paper and on Leahy’s website (pornnation.org).
I know a thing or two about living with addicts. I’ve lived with an alcoholic most of my life. I know what it is like to watch some one dive deeper into the pit of addiction, get depressed, see recovery as a hopeless cause, then fall even deeper. The person you love is replaced with an incoherent monster filled with repressed rage and sorrow. My relationship with this person has been damaged as has this person’s relationship with many other people. But the alcohol is not to blame. Every time this person wants to drink they have to get in their car, drive to the liquor store, buy a bottle, take it home and hide it from everyone else in the house, sneak away with a cup, pour the alcohol into the cup then drink it down. At each step they have a choice. This person can choose not to follow through on anyone of these steps but they don’t. Because it is their choice, I don’t blame Johnnie Walker for all the pain alcoholism has caused my family-and that it will most probably lead to the premature death of this person-I blame the alcoholic. Furthermore, I know alcohol is bad. I’ve seen what it can do. However I realize that it like everything in the world with the accretion of broccoli (another conversation) must be consumed in moderation in order for it to have a positive effect on our lives.
Obviously porn does not fall in the broccoli category. I can only imagine what it is like being married to someone who gets most or all of their sexual gratification from internet pornography. We should know that too much of it can be bad for you, but in moderation, it is ok. Furthermore, don’t blame the porn if you get addicted and it ruins your life. You were the one who got on the computer and searched for it. You were the one who got the credit card out of your wallet to pay for unrestricted access to porn site X (or more probably porn site XXX). And you were the one who decided to have an affair. Don’t blame porn for porn addictions because porn didn’t decide to make you addicted, you did. Don’t blame society. Many people live in this over sexualized culture and have meaningful relationships (friendship and sexual) with other people just fine. If porn addiction is really as big as he says it is, it should be treated like alcohol addiction where it is considered healthy to publicly confront an addict and for the addict to publicly admit they have a problem and seek treatment for it. And like alcohol, we should hold addicts not the addictive substance responsible for their actions. After all, sex is loads of fun, but people make a much bigger deal about it than they really should.
I agree that we live in a hyper sexualized society and that is often tragic. What is more tragic is that we live in a hyper sexualized society with a puritan background that teaches us that overt sexual expression is bad and that we should internally repress our sexual desire so we are not labeled sluts and pimps. Sexuality is not meant to be turned inward. If you do, I know it will be hard but try to stop. Be open about how you feel and yeah some people may call you perverted, but at least when you go home, you won’t desire multi-hour live chats with some Russian sex kitten about how wet her vagina is…
To sum up porn, like alcohol, is only a means. The choices we make determine if the ends are positive or negative. And if Leahy said anything otherwise I hope I refuted it.
I know a thing or two about living with addicts. I’ve lived with an alcoholic most of my life. I know what it is like to watch some one dive deeper into the pit of addiction, get depressed, see recovery as a hopeless cause, then fall even deeper. The person you love is replaced with an incoherent monster filled with repressed rage and sorrow. My relationship with this person has been damaged as has this person’s relationship with many other people. But the alcohol is not to blame. Every time this person wants to drink they have to get in their car, drive to the liquor store, buy a bottle, take it home and hide it from everyone else in the house, sneak away with a cup, pour the alcohol into the cup then drink it down. At each step they have a choice. This person can choose not to follow through on anyone of these steps but they don’t. Because it is their choice, I don’t blame Johnnie Walker for all the pain alcoholism has caused my family-and that it will most probably lead to the premature death of this person-I blame the alcoholic. Furthermore, I know alcohol is bad. I’ve seen what it can do. However I realize that it like everything in the world with the accretion of broccoli (another conversation) must be consumed in moderation in order for it to have a positive effect on our lives.
Obviously porn does not fall in the broccoli category. I can only imagine what it is like being married to someone who gets most or all of their sexual gratification from internet pornography. We should know that too much of it can be bad for you, but in moderation, it is ok. Furthermore, don’t blame the porn if you get addicted and it ruins your life. You were the one who got on the computer and searched for it. You were the one who got the credit card out of your wallet to pay for unrestricted access to porn site X (or more probably porn site XXX). And you were the one who decided to have an affair. Don’t blame porn for porn addictions because porn didn’t decide to make you addicted, you did. Don’t blame society. Many people live in this over sexualized culture and have meaningful relationships (friendship and sexual) with other people just fine. If porn addiction is really as big as he says it is, it should be treated like alcohol addiction where it is considered healthy to publicly confront an addict and for the addict to publicly admit they have a problem and seek treatment for it. And like alcohol, we should hold addicts not the addictive substance responsible for their actions. After all, sex is loads of fun, but people make a much bigger deal about it than they really should.
I agree that we live in a hyper sexualized society and that is often tragic. What is more tragic is that we live in a hyper sexualized society with a puritan background that teaches us that overt sexual expression is bad and that we should internally repress our sexual desire so we are not labeled sluts and pimps. Sexuality is not meant to be turned inward. If you do, I know it will be hard but try to stop. Be open about how you feel and yeah some people may call you perverted, but at least when you go home, you won’t desire multi-hour live chats with some Russian sex kitten about how wet her vagina is…
To sum up porn, like alcohol, is only a means. The choices we make determine if the ends are positive or negative. And if Leahy said anything otherwise I hope I refuted it.