doobb
in
doublea_ace
guide to find the perfect love 1/4
title: guide to find the perfect love 1/4
author: me
pairing: juwon/kimchi, aoora/kimchi, hoik/kimchi, woosang/kimchi,
rating: pg-13
genre: romance, angst
summary: it's all about being bruised until you finally find the eternal cure to build you another heart to love.
disclaimer: do not own the boys, just the story.
a/n: first post! im writing this yes, /hiatusfu/ hell yeah i am /ohgod/ XD haha so hum, i'll explain the main purpose of this story at the end of this part :)and it's my first double a fanfic yay, been dying to write one gosh and oh, guess who's my bias? :p i'm posting this here so that i don't have to lock this fic XDDD /badgirl/
guide to find the perfect love; 1/4; juwon/kimchi
took a shot, with the bad boy from the block, picked my love right from the start,
yoo yehyanngi was seventeen years old when he first fell in love. it wasn’t out of the blue, nor did it come from nowhere, it just came and he took it. it came in the name of hwang juwon, same age, taller, darker hair and more experience in this life than yehyanngi would ever have in his all life, because juwon was the son of a gang leader, one of the biggest ones in the city of seoul. and the way they met should have warned yehyanngi of how this was bound to end, in other words without a happy ending.
he had found juwon in the street one day, the older man practically had ran into him while he had been coming out of the coffee store where he worked during the day and ended around 9 p.m. he had barely caught the falling body, had wondered why it felt so heavy in his arms before heaving him up and upon seeing the bruised face of a boy he hadn’t known then, he had started panicking.
yehyanngi could barely think straight as he pulled the body and quickly opened the door he locked minutes ago to make them get inside. it was once inside, as he sat and looked down at the unconscious body in his arms that he realised this was kind of dangerous, but what had been done was done. and just like that, juwon had entered his life.
it wasn’t so much of a disaster. that night juwon had been chased by another gang who were trying to beat him to death or something like that, yeah, really not that bad. at least that was what juwon said once he was awake and found himself in yehyanngi apartment, a small and tiny place where the younger boy decided he wanted to live alone and away from his family to gain some independence.
juwon wasn’t the sweetest guy on earth but he was yehyanngi first love. he was there, with this dangerous vibe he always gave off. and he was also the reason why yehyanngi decided he didn’t mind being gay anymore, it was him and he was going to accept it. they became friends first of all, due to the fact that yehyanngi had to take care of juwon for a whole week before the wound he had were healed and he could finally be able to move on his own. and juwon did take his time to heal, mostly because he wasn’t sure he wanted to just disappear from yehyanngi life without having at least a promise to see each other again.
instead of a promise, yehyanngi gave him his phone number and that was enough to make juwon leave his apartment a week later.
the phone number was what helped them stay in touch. juwon called, texted, wanted to meet again and yehyanngi just wanted nothing to do with someone who could get beaten so badly to the point of death. he knew better than to make friends with those types of people. but juwon was so persistent seriously, that in the end he agreed to meet him once, after at least a hundred of phone calls and more than a hundred of text messages that made his phone vibrate day and night for two whole weeks and made him unable to find any sleep, yes, he finally agreed and here he was, standing and waiting for juwon to show up right in front of the coffee store.
and if juwon did not show up in two minutes he was ready to leave because it’s been thirty minutes since the time that he was supposed to get there and meet yehyanngi, and quite frankly he was getting tired to wait under this cold air autumn was heaving out. he rubbed his hands together, brought them up and softly blew on them before crossing his arms over his chest, why did he even agree to this? oh yeah, because he wanted peace.
yehyanngi swore under his breath, if he didn’t get there in one, two-
it was like déjà vu all over again, so when yehyanngi found himself stumbling backwards with a heavy weight in his arms he was going to panic, thinking maybe this was some sort of bad luck. but first of all he made sure to see who the hell just gave nearly gave him a heart attack and quite frankly he was really relieved to see juwon’s face until he realised the way juwon had stumbled and quickly pulled him to his feet to make sure he was alright. he didn’t realise he was touching juwon in places he thought could be hurt and asking with a worried tone if he was alright until he felt hands hold his own and pull them away.
“i’m alright; i just wanted to scare you.”
yehyanngi couldn’t believe his ears; he blinked at the grin on juwon’s face twice or so before pulling his hands away and tucking them back in his pockets and puffing his cheeks.
“i don’t like being tricked,” he mumbled under his breath looking away, suddenly embarrassed that he showed how worried he was for this good for nothing. but he wasn’t sure he wanted to see juwon in the same state he saw him weeks ago, during their first time meeting.
“i’m late aren’t i?” juwon asked, not ignoring the faint blush on yehyanngi’s cheeks but more like enjoying it secretly while trying to not push his luck since he was late and looked like he made him angry. yehyanngi said nothing, shrugged and still wouldn’t look at him, so juwon reached again and pulled the hands yehyanngi had in his pockets out to hold them. he was waiting for a resistance, but nothing came, only a resigned sigh when yehyanngi finally looked up at him and arched an eyebrow.
“what?”
juwon shook his head, feeling silly all of a sudden because the simple fact that yehyanngi did not pull his hands away made him want to grin to the whole world and show them that his life wasn’t miserable, on the contrary, it was totally worth all the hardships he had to go through until right now.
“you, listen to me, i’ve been waiting in this cold for more than thirty minutes, are you going to make me wait longer than this?”
oh yeah, juwon should remember to not push his luck. but he couldn’t help the smile on his face when he nodded and brought yehyanngi’s hands to blow on them, wondering why he was so obedient all of a sudden and not wanting to know at the same time as he nodded. “i know, i’m sorry, i had something quick and urgent to do. but let’s go now, i’ve got to take you somewhere!” juwon said, smile widening while yehyanngi had this sceptical expression on his face as he was pulled away from the coffee store.
but he followed juwon and he did not regret it afterwards.
“really? here again?”
juwon nodded, holding up his right hand, fingers twined together with yehyanngi’s left hand, he brought them to his face and blew on them, just like that. it tore a low chuckle out of yehyanngi who shook his head but said nothing, flushing lightly and looking back to where juwon first took him three months ago, that cold night of autumn now forgotten and frozen in the season of winter.
“but the attraction park is gone,” yehyanngi whined softly, pouting his lips and looking up at the sky.
“it doesn’t matter,” juwon replied and when yehyanngi looked at him he smiled at him, this lover he wished he found earlier in his life and held a hand in the air, holding snowflakes that tried to reach for the ground but never did since they melted against the warmth of his palm. “it’s still precious, isn’t it?”
“you’re just weird!”
“i’m not, i mean, look at the snow falling from this sight, it’s really beautiful!”
yehyanngi let out a small laugh and arched an eyebrow, “more than me?” he was joking about that of course, smile reaching his eyes and tongue pulled out in a way that made him look more like a toddler than a teen and juwon couldn’t help but pull on the hand he was holding to lean in and leave a kiss on his right cheek.
“i don’t know about that,” juwon started, laughed at the frown that drew itself on yehyanngi’s face, pulled his hand free to hold his lover’s face in the palm of his hands, pulling him closer to leave another kiss on his right cheek. “maybe?” he added softly, lips reaching for yehyanngi’s without really touching them. he just stopped to look at him, wondering how he managed to catch him and never let him go. he didn’t know how, but he did it, and that’s all that counted, right? “i must love you more than this sight, because i think no, it’s not more beautiful than you.”
yehyanngi’s eyes that had been half closed until then opened and his face that held just a light shade of red until then suddenly deepened and spread all over his face, warm and heated against his skin. he opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out, juwon simply stole the words with his lips against his own and yehyanngi didn’t protest, just let his hands reach for juwon’s arms and hold on tightly as he brought their bodies closer.
amidst the happiness they had when they with each other, yehyanngi could forget what juwon truly was and how he first got to even meet him. the blood, the dark part of juwon’s life, he could forget all of those when juwon was there with him, for him, holding him, kissing him and teasing him. showing him that this world wasn’t just black and white but could be filled with little colourful sides that brought so much joy in his life.
he didn’t have anyone to envy, because he was in love and it was just right where he wanted it to be. it was there, in his heart, and juwon was the only one who made it happen so fast yet so surely. nothing could destroy that.
that had been the first mistake, to forget about juwon‘s real life. the one where he could come back to him broken, lips cut, face bruised and wounded to the point where yehyanngi thought about calling the hospital when he found him that way in front of his apartment. but juwon stopped him with a hand on his arm, even though yehyanngi was trying hard not to just cry at the sight of juwon hurt so badly in front of his apartment and just scream for help, juwon’s weak voice telling him to calm down that he was alright and all yehyanngi needed to do was to bring him in the apartment and take care of him, just like that first night made him inhale softly and nod. he leaned down first holding juwon’s bruised face in his hands and left a soft kiss on his temple before helping him on his feet.
he nearly lost him.
it was more serious than juwon said it would be. a knife was used for sure; if it had been placed in the right spot then there would be nothing to do but to bury juwon’s body the next day. at the mere thought of that, yehyanngi wanted to shake the whole world for giving juwon such a life and for him not being able to take him away from it. juwon was born this way wasn’t he? and his all life, his whole family were this gang where he grew up with just a father and no mother to show him that the world didn’t need to be so rough with him.
yehyanngi was his only light, the only soft touch to the rude path he had to take when he was just twenty years old. yehyanngi looked at juwon’s sleeping on his bed, observing him with a frown on his face before sighing and not being able to just stand there and do nothing anymore, hands smelling of alcohol and stained with dry blood on them and on his clothes he slid next to the sleeping juwon and pulled the sheets on them.
he slid his arms around juwon’s body and buried his face in his chest, inhaling softly and wishing that to never lose that warmth.
he might just lose his way back to life if he ever lost juwon.
they lived in the illusions that they could put it in the back of their minds and love each other and the world would be perfect again. and it was perfect again, yehyanngi scolded him, told him to be careful, tore a promise out of him to be careful the day after and juwon agreed, promised.
but when they had looked at each other that day, sitting on the bed, juwon holding on yehyanngi for dear life, they knew this was a promise meant to be broken. but juwon had promised then, and just the fact that he had made yehyanngi cry softly against is shoulder, knowing juwon had wanted to make this work more than he himself wanted to even if it meant to make promises that couldn’t be kept to keep him, meant much more than juwon keeping he promise.
and for another month they went on like that. juwon told him what happened that night, something about a gang war because of his father’s uncle who wanted to take power out of juwon’s father’s hands. but of course mr. hwang would fight for it. that night, some member of juwon uncle’s gang came and started to attack without saying anything, they didn’t get away with it, but juwon didn’t get away without bruise of course.
it was war between the two gangs now.
for a month, juwon’s been coming with a fresh new bruise, but less serious than the other one. so yehyanngi would say nothing and just disinfect it, heal it lay soft kisses on the skin turning purple and make juwon smile at the tickling brush of his lips against his sensitive skin and they’d make love just like it was their first time over again and tomorrow could be their last time. living on the edge of losing something so important was unbelievably heart wrenching for yehyanngi, but he couldn’t give up on this nor could he give his back to juwon.
so they’d do that for a month, and the month after, the war was still on. nobody was winning, but nobody wanted to lose or give up either. just like the war exhausted them both, it exhausted yehyanngi’s heart and mind, he couldn’t take more bruises on juwon’s body. he couldn’t take anymore bruises on juwon’s soul, making him walk further and further away from yehyanngi. retract himself in this world where fighting and living for blood was now the only important thing to do to be able to go on.
something changed.
juwon stopped coming each night for yehyanngi to heal his wound. juwon stopped calling, stopped sending text messages to not worry him and yehyanngi would stay in front of his phone or door for hours, looking in the blank space and wondering what he was waiting for.
when did the war between him and juwon started? he didn’t want to know, because whenever it started, it ended with him wondering why he gave his heart, why he gave his first love, why he decided to love when he wasn’t ready for what the consequences of a bad ending would be. yehyanngi wanted to break his heart more than juwon had the power to do it, he wanted to taint his soul more than juwon had the power to, so that he at least only himself would be able to turn back to white, would be able to put the pieces back together.
but it was too late, juwon had it all, and all yehyanngi had left were pieces he’d never be able to put together. the worst was that he wanted to give up so much and yet he couldn’t. he’d still look at his phone whenever he had the time to, startle when it would ring and sigh in disappointment when it wouldn’t be juwon’s number on his screen. he would wait for knocks on his door whenever he got home, or screen the hall of his building to see if a body would be there, bruised, waiting for him.
but nothing, juwon was nowhere, and yehyanngi would just go back to bed, holding the scent of his lover on his sheet, tainted with dry blood and cry softly as he tried sleep.
missing juwon and not knowing if he was dying or not was the worst part of him being gone.
until juwon came back and never asked if he could or if he was welcomed back, but just came back, sitting in front of yehyanngi’s door and waiting for him, holding his body and his head tilted on the side, blood sliding down to his chin. yehyanngi ran to him, not bothering to even listen to his broken heart, what did it matter when juwon was there at his door, covered in blood and dust and unconscious?
it was just like any other time when juwon came, it was just like that. god, it couldn’t be something else. yehyanngi tried to wake him up with light slap on his face, holding it straight when it tried to fall back, he didn’t know when he even started crying. when juwon opened his eyes to look at him and tried to smile, or when he brought his free hand to yehyanngi’s cheek and brushed blood covered fingers against his skin? or was it when juwon finally spoke a soft, “am i dead yet?” voice so weak and broken, yehyanngi just squeezed the hand on his cheek, feeling their roughness with a shatter of his heart against his chest.
“juwon, listen to my voice, hey baby, it’s alright,” but no matter how many times yehyanngi would repeat that, juwon would just shake his head and keep that smile on his face, like he was already on the other side. like he already gave up and nothing could make him come back. “juwon,” yehyanngi tried again, but all juwon did was give a squeeze to his hand and part his lips to talk again, “can you-say,” he stopped swallowed and yehyanngi told him to stop talking, but juwon went on. “say you forgive me, for making you cry.” when juwon said it, yehyanngi realised he was indeed crying, and the tears were freely rolling on his cheeks, not showing any signs of stopping soon.
“also, for winning this war, forgive me.” even if juwon was weakening with each words he said, “i should have-” he stopped, everything stopped, yehyanngi froze. the last words died against juwon’s lips, won our war.
no matter how much yehyanngi cried and called out juwon’s name, he didn’t move anymore. no matter how much yehyanngi screamed and yelled for help, juwon wouldn’t wake up to tell him to not panic, to calm down and bring him in the apartment and take care of him, just like the first night. no matter how much yehyanngi would squeeze his hand, touch his face, feel his damp clothes, juwon was frozen in time and with him, he took yehyanngi’s broken pieces.
he took yehyanngi’s broken cries of forgiveness.
gave too much of my heart, lost all of the broken pieces, and found a new heart…
tbc
---
a/n:the story is simple though xD it's a developmnt of kimchi throughout his way to find love. yes, that's his main goal, like the title says it. it's tbc because this is the first love, then the other three will come and each has their own ending, and do not think the order in which i put the pairings are the order this story is going to follow just to make things more unexpected :p but in the end, kimchi is going to end with one of these guys! and the reason why i'm writing such a fic? first of all because i wanted to try something like that and secondly because i want to know who fits with kimchi the best when i write them :p so this is a win win thing for me XDDD and oh, do not worry, not all of the boys are going to die LOL if you happen to read this....lemme know how if u like it!
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author: me
pairing: juwon/kimchi, aoora/kimchi, hoik/kimchi, woosang/kimchi,
rating: pg-13
genre: romance, angst
summary: it's all about being bruised until you finally find the eternal cure to build you another heart to love.
disclaimer: do not own the boys, just the story.
a/n: first post! im writing this yes, /hiatusfu/ hell yeah i am /ohgod/ XD haha so hum, i'll explain the main purpose of this story at the end of this part :)and it's my first double a fanfic yay, been dying to write one gosh and oh, guess who's my bias? :p i'm posting this here so that i don't have to lock this fic XDDD /badgirl/
guide to find the perfect love; 1/4; juwon/kimchi
took a shot, with the bad boy from the block, picked my love right from the start,
yoo yehyanngi was seventeen years old when he first fell in love. it wasn’t out of the blue, nor did it come from nowhere, it just came and he took it. it came in the name of hwang juwon, same age, taller, darker hair and more experience in this life than yehyanngi would ever have in his all life, because juwon was the son of a gang leader, one of the biggest ones in the city of seoul. and the way they met should have warned yehyanngi of how this was bound to end, in other words without a happy ending.
he had found juwon in the street one day, the older man practically had ran into him while he had been coming out of the coffee store where he worked during the day and ended around 9 p.m. he had barely caught the falling body, had wondered why it felt so heavy in his arms before heaving him up and upon seeing the bruised face of a boy he hadn’t known then, he had started panicking.
yehyanngi could barely think straight as he pulled the body and quickly opened the door he locked minutes ago to make them get inside. it was once inside, as he sat and looked down at the unconscious body in his arms that he realised this was kind of dangerous, but what had been done was done. and just like that, juwon had entered his life.
it wasn’t so much of a disaster. that night juwon had been chased by another gang who were trying to beat him to death or something like that, yeah, really not that bad. at least that was what juwon said once he was awake and found himself in yehyanngi apartment, a small and tiny place where the younger boy decided he wanted to live alone and away from his family to gain some independence.
juwon wasn’t the sweetest guy on earth but he was yehyanngi first love. he was there, with this dangerous vibe he always gave off. and he was also the reason why yehyanngi decided he didn’t mind being gay anymore, it was him and he was going to accept it. they became friends first of all, due to the fact that yehyanngi had to take care of juwon for a whole week before the wound he had were healed and he could finally be able to move on his own. and juwon did take his time to heal, mostly because he wasn’t sure he wanted to just disappear from yehyanngi life without having at least a promise to see each other again.
instead of a promise, yehyanngi gave him his phone number and that was enough to make juwon leave his apartment a week later.
the phone number was what helped them stay in touch. juwon called, texted, wanted to meet again and yehyanngi just wanted nothing to do with someone who could get beaten so badly to the point of death. he knew better than to make friends with those types of people. but juwon was so persistent seriously, that in the end he agreed to meet him once, after at least a hundred of phone calls and more than a hundred of text messages that made his phone vibrate day and night for two whole weeks and made him unable to find any sleep, yes, he finally agreed and here he was, standing and waiting for juwon to show up right in front of the coffee store.
and if juwon did not show up in two minutes he was ready to leave because it’s been thirty minutes since the time that he was supposed to get there and meet yehyanngi, and quite frankly he was getting tired to wait under this cold air autumn was heaving out. he rubbed his hands together, brought them up and softly blew on them before crossing his arms over his chest, why did he even agree to this? oh yeah, because he wanted peace.
yehyanngi swore under his breath, if he didn’t get there in one, two-
it was like déjà vu all over again, so when yehyanngi found himself stumbling backwards with a heavy weight in his arms he was going to panic, thinking maybe this was some sort of bad luck. but first of all he made sure to see who the hell just gave nearly gave him a heart attack and quite frankly he was really relieved to see juwon’s face until he realised the way juwon had stumbled and quickly pulled him to his feet to make sure he was alright. he didn’t realise he was touching juwon in places he thought could be hurt and asking with a worried tone if he was alright until he felt hands hold his own and pull them away.
“i’m alright; i just wanted to scare you.”
yehyanngi couldn’t believe his ears; he blinked at the grin on juwon’s face twice or so before pulling his hands away and tucking them back in his pockets and puffing his cheeks.
“i don’t like being tricked,” he mumbled under his breath looking away, suddenly embarrassed that he showed how worried he was for this good for nothing. but he wasn’t sure he wanted to see juwon in the same state he saw him weeks ago, during their first time meeting.
“i’m late aren’t i?” juwon asked, not ignoring the faint blush on yehyanngi’s cheeks but more like enjoying it secretly while trying to not push his luck since he was late and looked like he made him angry. yehyanngi said nothing, shrugged and still wouldn’t look at him, so juwon reached again and pulled the hands yehyanngi had in his pockets out to hold them. he was waiting for a resistance, but nothing came, only a resigned sigh when yehyanngi finally looked up at him and arched an eyebrow.
“what?”
juwon shook his head, feeling silly all of a sudden because the simple fact that yehyanngi did not pull his hands away made him want to grin to the whole world and show them that his life wasn’t miserable, on the contrary, it was totally worth all the hardships he had to go through until right now.
“you, listen to me, i’ve been waiting in this cold for more than thirty minutes, are you going to make me wait longer than this?”
oh yeah, juwon should remember to not push his luck. but he couldn’t help the smile on his face when he nodded and brought yehyanngi’s hands to blow on them, wondering why he was so obedient all of a sudden and not wanting to know at the same time as he nodded. “i know, i’m sorry, i had something quick and urgent to do. but let’s go now, i’ve got to take you somewhere!” juwon said, smile widening while yehyanngi had this sceptical expression on his face as he was pulled away from the coffee store.
but he followed juwon and he did not regret it afterwards.
“really? here again?”
juwon nodded, holding up his right hand, fingers twined together with yehyanngi’s left hand, he brought them to his face and blew on them, just like that. it tore a low chuckle out of yehyanngi who shook his head but said nothing, flushing lightly and looking back to where juwon first took him three months ago, that cold night of autumn now forgotten and frozen in the season of winter.
“but the attraction park is gone,” yehyanngi whined softly, pouting his lips and looking up at the sky.
“it doesn’t matter,” juwon replied and when yehyanngi looked at him he smiled at him, this lover he wished he found earlier in his life and held a hand in the air, holding snowflakes that tried to reach for the ground but never did since they melted against the warmth of his palm. “it’s still precious, isn’t it?”
“you’re just weird!”
“i’m not, i mean, look at the snow falling from this sight, it’s really beautiful!”
yehyanngi let out a small laugh and arched an eyebrow, “more than me?” he was joking about that of course, smile reaching his eyes and tongue pulled out in a way that made him look more like a toddler than a teen and juwon couldn’t help but pull on the hand he was holding to lean in and leave a kiss on his right cheek.
“i don’t know about that,” juwon started, laughed at the frown that drew itself on yehyanngi’s face, pulled his hand free to hold his lover’s face in the palm of his hands, pulling him closer to leave another kiss on his right cheek. “maybe?” he added softly, lips reaching for yehyanngi’s without really touching them. he just stopped to look at him, wondering how he managed to catch him and never let him go. he didn’t know how, but he did it, and that’s all that counted, right? “i must love you more than this sight, because i think no, it’s not more beautiful than you.”
yehyanngi’s eyes that had been half closed until then opened and his face that held just a light shade of red until then suddenly deepened and spread all over his face, warm and heated against his skin. he opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out, juwon simply stole the words with his lips against his own and yehyanngi didn’t protest, just let his hands reach for juwon’s arms and hold on tightly as he brought their bodies closer.
amidst the happiness they had when they with each other, yehyanngi could forget what juwon truly was and how he first got to even meet him. the blood, the dark part of juwon’s life, he could forget all of those when juwon was there with him, for him, holding him, kissing him and teasing him. showing him that this world wasn’t just black and white but could be filled with little colourful sides that brought so much joy in his life.
he didn’t have anyone to envy, because he was in love and it was just right where he wanted it to be. it was there, in his heart, and juwon was the only one who made it happen so fast yet so surely. nothing could destroy that.
that had been the first mistake, to forget about juwon‘s real life. the one where he could come back to him broken, lips cut, face bruised and wounded to the point where yehyanngi thought about calling the hospital when he found him that way in front of his apartment. but juwon stopped him with a hand on his arm, even though yehyanngi was trying hard not to just cry at the sight of juwon hurt so badly in front of his apartment and just scream for help, juwon’s weak voice telling him to calm down that he was alright and all yehyanngi needed to do was to bring him in the apartment and take care of him, just like that first night made him inhale softly and nod. he leaned down first holding juwon’s bruised face in his hands and left a soft kiss on his temple before helping him on his feet.
he nearly lost him.
it was more serious than juwon said it would be. a knife was used for sure; if it had been placed in the right spot then there would be nothing to do but to bury juwon’s body the next day. at the mere thought of that, yehyanngi wanted to shake the whole world for giving juwon such a life and for him not being able to take him away from it. juwon was born this way wasn’t he? and his all life, his whole family were this gang where he grew up with just a father and no mother to show him that the world didn’t need to be so rough with him.
yehyanngi was his only light, the only soft touch to the rude path he had to take when he was just twenty years old. yehyanngi looked at juwon’s sleeping on his bed, observing him with a frown on his face before sighing and not being able to just stand there and do nothing anymore, hands smelling of alcohol and stained with dry blood on them and on his clothes he slid next to the sleeping juwon and pulled the sheets on them.
he slid his arms around juwon’s body and buried his face in his chest, inhaling softly and wishing that to never lose that warmth.
he might just lose his way back to life if he ever lost juwon.
they lived in the illusions that they could put it in the back of their minds and love each other and the world would be perfect again. and it was perfect again, yehyanngi scolded him, told him to be careful, tore a promise out of him to be careful the day after and juwon agreed, promised.
but when they had looked at each other that day, sitting on the bed, juwon holding on yehyanngi for dear life, they knew this was a promise meant to be broken. but juwon had promised then, and just the fact that he had made yehyanngi cry softly against is shoulder, knowing juwon had wanted to make this work more than he himself wanted to even if it meant to make promises that couldn’t be kept to keep him, meant much more than juwon keeping he promise.
and for another month they went on like that. juwon told him what happened that night, something about a gang war because of his father’s uncle who wanted to take power out of juwon’s father’s hands. but of course mr. hwang would fight for it. that night, some member of juwon uncle’s gang came and started to attack without saying anything, they didn’t get away with it, but juwon didn’t get away without bruise of course.
it was war between the two gangs now.
for a month, juwon’s been coming with a fresh new bruise, but less serious than the other one. so yehyanngi would say nothing and just disinfect it, heal it lay soft kisses on the skin turning purple and make juwon smile at the tickling brush of his lips against his sensitive skin and they’d make love just like it was their first time over again and tomorrow could be their last time. living on the edge of losing something so important was unbelievably heart wrenching for yehyanngi, but he couldn’t give up on this nor could he give his back to juwon.
so they’d do that for a month, and the month after, the war was still on. nobody was winning, but nobody wanted to lose or give up either. just like the war exhausted them both, it exhausted yehyanngi’s heart and mind, he couldn’t take more bruises on juwon’s body. he couldn’t take anymore bruises on juwon’s soul, making him walk further and further away from yehyanngi. retract himself in this world where fighting and living for blood was now the only important thing to do to be able to go on.
something changed.
juwon stopped coming each night for yehyanngi to heal his wound. juwon stopped calling, stopped sending text messages to not worry him and yehyanngi would stay in front of his phone or door for hours, looking in the blank space and wondering what he was waiting for.
when did the war between him and juwon started? he didn’t want to know, because whenever it started, it ended with him wondering why he gave his heart, why he gave his first love, why he decided to love when he wasn’t ready for what the consequences of a bad ending would be. yehyanngi wanted to break his heart more than juwon had the power to do it, he wanted to taint his soul more than juwon had the power to, so that he at least only himself would be able to turn back to white, would be able to put the pieces back together.
but it was too late, juwon had it all, and all yehyanngi had left were pieces he’d never be able to put together. the worst was that he wanted to give up so much and yet he couldn’t. he’d still look at his phone whenever he had the time to, startle when it would ring and sigh in disappointment when it wouldn’t be juwon’s number on his screen. he would wait for knocks on his door whenever he got home, or screen the hall of his building to see if a body would be there, bruised, waiting for him.
but nothing, juwon was nowhere, and yehyanngi would just go back to bed, holding the scent of his lover on his sheet, tainted with dry blood and cry softly as he tried sleep.
missing juwon and not knowing if he was dying or not was the worst part of him being gone.
until juwon came back and never asked if he could or if he was welcomed back, but just came back, sitting in front of yehyanngi’s door and waiting for him, holding his body and his head tilted on the side, blood sliding down to his chin. yehyanngi ran to him, not bothering to even listen to his broken heart, what did it matter when juwon was there at his door, covered in blood and dust and unconscious?
it was just like any other time when juwon came, it was just like that. god, it couldn’t be something else. yehyanngi tried to wake him up with light slap on his face, holding it straight when it tried to fall back, he didn’t know when he even started crying. when juwon opened his eyes to look at him and tried to smile, or when he brought his free hand to yehyanngi’s cheek and brushed blood covered fingers against his skin? or was it when juwon finally spoke a soft, “am i dead yet?” voice so weak and broken, yehyanngi just squeezed the hand on his cheek, feeling their roughness with a shatter of his heart against his chest.
“juwon, listen to my voice, hey baby, it’s alright,” but no matter how many times yehyanngi would repeat that, juwon would just shake his head and keep that smile on his face, like he was already on the other side. like he already gave up and nothing could make him come back. “juwon,” yehyanngi tried again, but all juwon did was give a squeeze to his hand and part his lips to talk again, “can you-say,” he stopped swallowed and yehyanngi told him to stop talking, but juwon went on. “say you forgive me, for making you cry.” when juwon said it, yehyanngi realised he was indeed crying, and the tears were freely rolling on his cheeks, not showing any signs of stopping soon.
“also, for winning this war, forgive me.” even if juwon was weakening with each words he said, “i should have-” he stopped, everything stopped, yehyanngi froze. the last words died against juwon’s lips, won our war.
no matter how much yehyanngi cried and called out juwon’s name, he didn’t move anymore. no matter how much yehyanngi screamed and yelled for help, juwon wouldn’t wake up to tell him to not panic, to calm down and bring him in the apartment and take care of him, just like the first night. no matter how much yehyanngi would squeeze his hand, touch his face, feel his damp clothes, juwon was frozen in time and with him, he took yehyanngi’s broken pieces.
he took yehyanngi’s broken cries of forgiveness.
gave too much of my heart, lost all of the broken pieces, and found a new heart…
tbc
---
a/n:the story is simple though xD it's a developmnt of kimchi throughout his way to find love. yes, that's his main goal, like the title says it. it's tbc because this is the first love, then the other three will come and each has their own ending, and do not think the order in which i put the pairings are the order this story is going to follow just to make things more unexpected :p but in the end, kimchi is going to end with one of these guys! and the reason why i'm writing such a fic? first of all because i wanted to try something like that and secondly because i want to know who fits with kimchi the best when i write them :p so this is a win win thing for me XDDD and oh, do not worry, not all of the boys are going to die LOL if you happen to read this....lemme know how if u like it!
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