Malori Visser. I'm thinking of you. The world needs a savior.
Why can't things really be fixed over night?
Why can't I just have some fantastic realization and then everything will make sense and fit in its place and no one will be unhappy anymore.
Why can't I sleep at night without being pestered by unbearable longings that make me cry and ache and jump out of bed searching for some way to escape.
What the heck, man?
Forced optimism by day and sleepless tormented nights. There is a sorrow alive in my bones. Where did it come from?
What is life supposed to be like?
I don't think this is it. But it doesn't seem like anybody really knows.
Of course God and Jesus are the answer. Of course. That's what I've been told my whole life. Of course it's true.
And for some reason, I hate that. I don't want it to be the answer. I don't want everyone who believes it sitting there seeing me suffer and search thinking that they know exactly what I need. I don't want those followers thinking that. I've got a bad attitude.
I want accepting God to be a conversion. I don't want it to be a regression. But then again I just don't want it.
I want some relief from the way life is.
A break from the fall.
A break from this degenerate world where everything is not as it should be.
This is not giving up. This is knowing that you can't win.
Why can't I just have some fantastic realization and then everything will make sense and fit in its place and no one will be unhappy anymore.
Why can't I sleep at night without being pestered by unbearable longings that make me cry and ache and jump out of bed searching for some way to escape.
What the heck, man?
Forced optimism by day and sleepless tormented nights. There is a sorrow alive in my bones. Where did it come from?
What is life supposed to be like?
I don't think this is it. But it doesn't seem like anybody really knows.
Of course God and Jesus are the answer. Of course. That's what I've been told my whole life. Of course it's true.
And for some reason, I hate that. I don't want it to be the answer. I don't want everyone who believes it sitting there seeing me suffer and search thinking that they know exactly what I need. I don't want those followers thinking that. I've got a bad attitude.
I want accepting God to be a conversion. I don't want it to be a regression. But then again I just don't want it.
I want some relief from the way life is.
A break from the fall.
A break from this degenerate world where everything is not as it should be.
This is not giving up. This is knowing that you can't win.