The truth is freedom, but this lie feels free too.
Well, I'm sorry if I was a bitch to anyone today. I was tired and abnormally unsocial and distracted :-/
I know what I should do. It's not going to be easy. Self-motivated disillusionment is tricky. That's most likely the reason I should talk about this... but it's so hard for so many reasons. I'm stubborn. I love this, it gives me what I want but not what is true. It's so easy. It's extremely personal and I don't want to have to trust people or reveal secrets. I'm afraid. It's so easy to make excuses. I am at war inside. I revere honesty and truth more every day, but this I want to keep separate. I am in the vice grip of something I love and believe I need- what feels like hands holding me safely is actually a web of deceit and insincerity.
This is going to be difficult :(
I know what I should do. It's not going to be easy. Self-motivated disillusionment is tricky. That's most likely the reason I should talk about this... but it's so hard for so many reasons. I'm stubborn. I love this, it gives me what I want but not what is true. It's so easy. It's extremely personal and I don't want to have to trust people or reveal secrets. I'm afraid. It's so easy to make excuses. I am at war inside. I revere honesty and truth more every day, but this I want to keep separate. I am in the vice grip of something I love and believe I need- what feels like hands holding me safely is actually a web of deceit and insincerity.
This is going to be difficult :(