Big girls and big boys
It is going on 7am and i have already been at work for half an hour. My mouth is dry, my head is swooning, my stomach is clenching and i keep swallowing involentarily every 10 or so seconds.
I actually forced myself to buy a carton and drink last night. I was concerned that the sever lack of alcohol i have been consuming of late was making me a better person. I really dont want that kind of responsibility. I have been cooking every night (i'm talking roasts and cakes), i have been waking up early, i have been cleaning (!!!!!!!!!!!) and i have been going to uni. The money i have saved from not drinking (and working 32 hours a week) has gone on cleaning products and good quality foods, books and practical footwear.
I'm sitting in a brightly lit office, eyes watering, trying to stifle my urge to vomit. I am doing no work.
I think its good for me to sit at a computer silently for 8 hours a day. I'm definitely not the kind of person who enjoys, let alone revels in the beauty of silence. Its very peaceful. This silence, however, makes me all toooo aware of the absolute drivel that pours from my mouth every day. With no one to talk to, i end up talking to myself. I think about the dumbest shit, im annoying and overbearing. Turns out everyone was right!
I have tried a few things over the last month in an attempt to better my life.
1. I stopped taking the pill. BAD MOVE, besides the obvious consequences my tits went up by a size and i got a horrible horrible peroid. I am now back on the pill and awaiting some action :)
2. I stopped drinking. Consequence = over-active brain. Now i am drinking.
3. I didnt shower yesterday. i learned nothing from this except how utterly disgusting i am. I was having a fucked day so this really brought new meaning to 'wallowing in my own shit'.
4. I have been baking, roasting, chopping and toastin'. It tastes good and makes me feel like my mother but 'more' food isnt really what i need. I will continue to cook.
I'd prefer to have bad self image on a full stomach.
I actually forced myself to buy a carton and drink last night. I was concerned that the sever lack of alcohol i have been consuming of late was making me a better person. I really dont want that kind of responsibility. I have been cooking every night (i'm talking roasts and cakes), i have been waking up early, i have been cleaning (!!!!!!!!!!!) and i have been going to uni. The money i have saved from not drinking (and working 32 hours a week) has gone on cleaning products and good quality foods, books and practical footwear.
I'm sitting in a brightly lit office, eyes watering, trying to stifle my urge to vomit. I am doing no work.
I think its good for me to sit at a computer silently for 8 hours a day. I'm definitely not the kind of person who enjoys, let alone revels in the beauty of silence. Its very peaceful. This silence, however, makes me all toooo aware of the absolute drivel that pours from my mouth every day. With no one to talk to, i end up talking to myself. I think about the dumbest shit, im annoying and overbearing. Turns out everyone was right!
I have tried a few things over the last month in an attempt to better my life.
1. I stopped taking the pill. BAD MOVE, besides the obvious consequences my tits went up by a size and i got a horrible horrible peroid. I am now back on the pill and awaiting some action :)
2. I stopped drinking. Consequence = over-active brain. Now i am drinking.
3. I didnt shower yesterday. i learned nothing from this except how utterly disgusting i am. I was having a fucked day so this really brought new meaning to 'wallowing in my own shit'.
4. I have been baking, roasting, chopping and toastin'. It tastes good and makes me feel like my mother but 'more' food isnt really what i need. I will continue to cook.
I'd prefer to have bad self image on a full stomach.