The Boys in Big Snow Country
It's hard to write about this topic because when I give it my focus, I end up laughing so hard that it's difficult to see the screen through my tears. Oh yes, it's that funny.
First you have to take The Boys in their own context. To wit:
G: a 10" beagle (a.k.a. "bench beagle" because they can easily stand beneath benches in buggies), who is also a runt and weighs in at a trim eighteen pounds. (The inch measurement is at the shoulder.)
T: a mid-sized cavalier king charles spaniel who is a bit less than an inch taller thank G, is "feather boned" with super hairy feet, who weighs in at about fifteen and a half pounds.
In other words: they are not tall.
Now, let's factor in their feet. Though we do a lot of walking, these are not outside dogs. Add to that the fact that T's pads are the texture of a baby's cheek, and nearly as pink. Tender are the toes! Going out from a warm house onto some form of frozen water means instant ice balls between said pads. Both of them end up with tinges of frostbite, believe it or not, just from going out to go to the bathroom.
G has always been a loathe to go out in "weather" -- unless or until his hound-brain becomes engaged, in which case briars, mud, traffic, and unfashionable seasons cease to register as relevant. Generally speaking, his interactions with Big Mama (Nature) are tinged with reticence. It's understandable to the extent that he had a few odd weather-related experiences early in his house-breaking -- including an incredibly loud and close-by lightning strike in one case, and an unfortunately-timed gust of wind (with a snow clump surprise!) in the other, both occurring just as he began the vulnerable process of voiding his bowels. In the latter case he hopped forward like a hare with an undignified yelp (dignity is important to beagles -- if you've ever owned one, you know what I mean). In the former case, he ki-yi'ed and ran behind my legs, shaking. And while I can't claim that I wouldn't have had much the same reaction, in similar circumstances, a breed bolder and more mellow (like a rottie) might've thought, "Cool. I shit thunder and crap blizzards!"
Not my boogey woogey beagle boy. This translates to looks of reproach when there is dew on the grass. Ah, beagle melodrama at its finest! Love him!
And so, they have boots. Not the stupid, slippery, non-insulated, non-waterproof, over-priced normal pet store boots. They have the Oh My Goodness Me Did You Really Pay That Yes I Did Would You Send Your Human Child Out Shoeless In This Weather kind. And when I was moving here, and fully cognizant of what my unpacking rate was likely to be, I put them Someplace Really Useful For Quick Access. What I didn't do was tell anyone where that was, nor did I bother to remember, myself. And yet, here I we are, in a place that has already had more snow than we got in central Ohio over the four years that I lived there -- total. We got a foot in about ten hours on Friday -- gorgeous powder! And now, with twenty inches due today (began at 10am and is due to wind up around 1am Monday, with another smaller storm coming in on Monday, for another inch or two), I think it's fair to say that winter has arrived. The fact that it's Solstice tends to support that statement.
What to do?
First: ignore the facts. Until you see the frostbite on your beagle's pads and watch your spaniel humiliate himself by peeing in the house in spite of his meticulous toileting habits. This period is best short-lived, out of compassion for your animals.
Second: stay up into the wee hours searching for boots. Fail to find them. Be too cash-poor to purchase additional boots, even cheap ones.
Third: get creative, sister! Go into your bedroom, open the drawer with your blow-ankle athletic socks, grab packing tape gun and tape rolls. Turn socks half-way inside out, so that the opening wraps around the toe. Turn THAT inside out so that the ankle opening doubles over itself inside the toe. Slip over dog's foot, pinch and fold at top, use tape to secure. Repeat seven more times to cover eight dog feet.
Fourth: agree with your wife that The Boys now look like they could hang out with Fagin, the Dodger, & Co. Choose not to laugh at them with her, knowing that G's feelings actually get hurt when he senses that he is the butt of the joke. Laugh, anyway, and try to make it sound like it's about something else, Stealth Mama style. Super duper secretly think, "Well, it's a bit home-made in the not-super-cool way, but I'm still thinking MacGuyver would be proud..."
Fifth: watch Boys lollop through the house in their adapt-a-boots. Find them impossibly charming.
Sixth: take them outside and relish the obvious relief. Marvel at G's willingness to root his face deep into the snow to sniff stuff. Wonder what burying your own face in the snow might be like. Promise self to try it when wearing something more than a bathrobe and a down vest -- it is, after all -3 with the wind chill.
Seventh: learn to use the heating vents to dry socks between outings.
Eighth: repeat three or four times per day.
And that, friends, is my life! (And I love it!)
I expect the boots will show up in June. Might be able to use them for the final snow.
- Dot
p.s. I realized that I left out some of the best images. This is powder snow. Ski happy snow. G looks like Bugs Bunny tunneling to the coast as he peruses the environs. The pair worked for a solid ten minutes tromping down a condensed area that they could walk on and upon which they could squat with confidence. It's fascinating and hilarious to watch them work things out in their minds and take action.
Oh! And I decorated the tree! It's helping me with the creeping sense of displacement that's finally descending. Makes me feel at home and settled. Doc said, "Wow! I forgot how much I love Christmas trees!" So, my house smells of balsam, my sister will be here in a few days, my dad and V are going to come out to see SK and we'll connect, my mom and J will come up (weather providing), I have more than a week off at Christmas, my wundarboss is giving us organic lamb he raised for a present, my sister is bringing green chilies from CO so we can make a green chili casserole, I'm baking all day tomorrow (the U will be closed, no doubt) -- including bittersweet chocolate cookies! Life is good. I may even get my bankruptcy paperwork completed tomorrow!
I've lots in the gratitude bucket these days. That's not bad.
Copyright 2008 Dot's Stuff. All rights reserved. Pull up a seat if you want to make dog boots with me!