Well, he's never actually said the words "listen to this child complaining," but the nuance is there. He will give my mother a look, this smile with leery eyes, as if I weren't there, or as if I were a little baby saying something she knows nothing about. What he'll actually say is something about me always "scolding" him, and he'll laugh about it.
What bothered me yesterday was that of course he did it all again... three packs of microwavable stir-fry rice and what have you (worse than home-made because of the extra grease used to flavor it). So I said something that roughly translates into "Come on, dad," in a half-affectionate sounding, half-"scolding" sort of way. Then he says "It's interesting that it's okay when I get chocolate, but not when I get stir-fry rice." And I was so frustrated with myself that at the moment it didn't come to mind how to explain the difference to him, even though I knew there was a difference. Moments later (when the moment at which it would have been most effective was long past,) I said something like "It's a problem when junk food is made into meals." Which doesn't really come across. What I should have said was something more like "Chocolate is a snack, it's our own choice to eat. If we eat it we've voluntarily put our health at risk. But when our meals are junk food, and we eat it not because we want to but because we have no choice, that's a problem. You can risk your own health get metabolic syndrome if you choose to, but if you drag us down with you that's a problem." Of course I only came up with this hours later, and only in English.
I see what you mean about the family culture thing, and in that way it makes sense that he eats what he eats and doesn't see (doesn't care to see) what it does to him and us. His family was sort of wealthier by the standards of his neighbors, but that was in the 50's and in the countryside of Japan when wealth hadn't permeated so far yet. I mean they weren't poor, but they had what they could, without much choice, and because he has three sisters and was the third child, it was first come first serve. So I can see if now with all this freedom he has, as head of the household and sole bread-winner, he wants to eat everything he wants to eat. But but but....
I can't help thinking that the recent warnings that he has gotten from his doctor, and his health problems from long before that (high cholesterol, irregular heartbeat) etc should make him try. I can understand the occasional unhealthy food once a week. Maybe one pack of fried dumplings to share among four, one pack of fried rice. But he stocks up for the whole week!
And, he does (albeit rarely, and affectionately) mention our weight. Our as in my two sisters and I-- all of us are chubbier than we want, and not athletic at all, and always have been this way. He'll say little things like "have you gained weight?" or "you should probably hold back on those chocolates." Again, with no malice, and laughingly, affectionately. But this shows that he is conscious of the fact that we are unhappy with our weight and still...?
I think you're absolutely right about the radically changing attitudes towards food, even in Japan. It's not as extreme here because there are, in general, probably less overweight people. But I think with our rapidly westernising diets, we're not far.
I went oooooooooon didn't I!
Well, thank you for understanding and consoling me. It makes me feel a little better. :) Oh trust me, I won't be doing any moving out any time soon! I'd be too scared!
What bothered me yesterday was that of course he did it all again... three packs of microwavable stir-fry rice and what have you (worse than home-made because of the extra grease used to flavor it). So I said something that roughly translates into "Come on, dad," in a half-affectionate sounding, half-"scolding" sort of way. Then he says "It's interesting that it's okay when I get chocolate, but not when I get stir-fry rice." And I was so frustrated with myself that at the moment it didn't come to mind how to explain the difference to him, even though I knew there was a difference. Moments later (when the moment at which it would have been most effective was long past,) I said something like "It's a problem when junk food is made into meals." Which doesn't really come across. What I should have said was something more like "Chocolate is a snack, it's our own choice to eat. If we eat it we've voluntarily put our health at risk. But when our meals are junk food, and we eat it not because we want to but because we have no choice, that's a problem. You can risk your own health get metabolic syndrome if you choose to, but if you drag us down with you that's a problem." Of course I only came up with this hours later, and only in English.
I see what you mean about the family culture thing, and in that way it makes sense that he eats what he eats and doesn't see (doesn't care to see) what it does to him and us. His family was sort of wealthier by the standards of his neighbors, but that was in the 50's and in the countryside of Japan when wealth hadn't permeated so far yet. I mean they weren't poor, but they had what they could, without much choice, and because he has three sisters and was the third child, it was first come first serve. So I can see if now with all this freedom he has, as head of the household and sole bread-winner, he wants to eat everything he wants to eat. But but but....
I can't help thinking that the recent warnings that he has gotten from his doctor, and his health problems from long before that (high cholesterol, irregular heartbeat) etc should make him try. I can understand the occasional unhealthy food once a week. Maybe one pack of fried dumplings to share among four, one pack of fried rice. But he stocks up for the whole week!
And, he does (albeit rarely, and affectionately) mention our weight. Our as in my two sisters and I-- all of us are chubbier than we want, and not athletic at all, and always have been this way. He'll say little things like "have you gained weight?" or "you should probably hold back on those chocolates." Again, with no malice, and laughingly, affectionately. But this shows that he is conscious of the fact that we are unhappy with our weight and still...?
I think you're absolutely right about the radically changing attitudes towards food, even in Japan. It's not as extreme here because there are, in general, probably less overweight people. But I think with our rapidly westernising diets, we're not far.
I went oooooooooon didn't I!
Well, thank you for understanding and consoling me. It makes me feel a little better. :)
Oh trust me, I won't be doing any moving out any time soon! I'd be too scared!
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