SPN 5x02
JO AND ELLEN AND RUFUS! \o/ \o/ \o/
I can't wait to rewatch this episode when I can do it without being all tense and occasionally muttering pleasedon'tkillthem at my tv. But I am incredibly happy right now and I have, uh, fic to write. I might have made a deal. *shifty eyes*
Oh, Bobby. I'm really looking forward to seeing what they do with his story, but this is going to hurt, isn't it?
Ellen. OH MY GOD ELLEN. This is one of those times where I fear I hallucinated the whole episode. She was every bit as kickass as I knew she could be, there was Dean and Ellen interaction I have waited years for. Jo seemed subdued and so much older. Ellen says she's hunting with Jo because she's worried Jo "can't hack the life," yet I note how Jo's main concern was her mother's safety. It feels like too much to hope for, but if they have an arc this season, it might be Ellen realizing that Jo can hack it, or at least that Ellen has to let her go to give her a chance to hack it. Jo was competent and non-panicky and I love how she's grown.
Castiel and Dean. AESDFGHGJHHGJLKJGhsjhfjkdasjioajnkajlkdjslsakjsa;j I've got emotional whiplash (for more than a few reasons). "I did it all for you" and then "...and I did it for nothing." Man, Castiel was PISSED and I don't blame him, Dean was pretty much mocking him, mocking his mission, and mocking his father. It'd be like Castiel going off on a rant about how pointless hunting and trying to save people is. All up in Dean's space. \o/ So, the amulet, I was sorry to be wrong about the amulet, which I have assumed for a few seasons now had no intrinsic magic powers, just an emotional one. The first two seasons I wondered if it would turn out to be a supernatural thing. Turns out it's a thing that does a thing, and Dean handed it over. To Castiel. The amulet Sam gave him. Also with an intense instruction to bring it back; he might as well have handed Sam over to Castiel, and I think in Dean's mind, that's what handing the amulet over feels like -- I don't think Dean isn't thinking about what that amulet means to him. Symbolically, giving up the amulet right now represents Sam and Dean letting each other go for now. I think it's also a big deal that Dean would hand over something that important to him to Castiel. I'm also thinking Castiel returning the amulet to Dean will maybe connect somehow to Sam and Dean drawing back together.
I'm really excited about Sam and Dean training civilians and they all made it out alive except for the priest. I also thought War and his red mustang was fun but...a magic ring? Haha, oh Kripke. YAY on Dean's LOTR reference, though.
Sam and Dean. It was good to hear, after Sam killed the teenagers in the store, the text again acknowledging that when you use the knife to get rid of demons, you're killing the host -- although that has always been implicit in the text, it's good to have it stated outright and much more importantly to have Sam saying it. Being able to save the hosts was one of the things that always made me wonder if Sam was 100% wrong to use those powers and I still think, maybe, possibly, he'll find a way to do it without the addiction taking him over, so he can pull demons and manage his powers. Maybe. I don't really have a sense if the show wants to go that route or not.
"It wasn't Ruby and it wasn't the blood, it was me." Oh, Sam. His speech there was exactly like Dean's in Devil's Trap, "the things I'm willing to do or kill, it scares me sometimes." Dean's already come to terms with that side of himself, and has mechanisms for keeping it from devouring him whole. I think Sam hadn't up until now, didn't acknowledge in S4 how single-minded and tunnel-visioned and ruthless he was becoming. I think he knew underneath - he even says here, deep down he knew he was off. The Sam we got on the park bench felt like *Sam* in ways he didn't all during S4. In S1 Sam let revenge almost take him over, and then he didn't, and Sam right along has been one to question things and struggle hard for his sense of self. I think in S4 he gave in to losing that, turning himself into something else.
While we're on that, I wanted to point out about last week's ending, Sam made Dean promise to kill him back in S2. "If I ever become something I'm not..." For Dean to watch Sam deliberately turn himself into something he's not, I think that's a good portion of Dean's hurt, on top of the trust thing. For Dean to carry that possibility for so long, of having to KILL SAM, to have even Sam himself begging Dean to do it, it hurt too much to have Sam turn around and then do it to himself.
Then there's the ending. I had a surreal moment of NO THEY ARE NOT DOING THAT NOT REALLY? When Dean agrees to it, too. Sam said "I expected a fight," and so did I. But this is in keeping with the Dean we saw last week, not one who doesn't care about his brother, who doesn't love him desperately, but who isn't afraid to have to stand by himself for a little while. We already know Sam can do that, he went to Stanford, already had that rebellion. This still has to be horribly painful for him and Sam, at this point in time, as much as Dean pretty much always, needs to get a grip on his sense of self.
Also, Dean offering the Impala to Sam! ♥ ♥ It's like, if he can't be with Sam, he'll send their home with him, and also the car=Dean. I also think Dean sees the car as a protective object, it's literally shelter. Dean looking after his little brother, always. He gives the amulet to Castiel, he tries to give the Impala to Sam. Which means symbolically, he gave Sam to Castiel, but he gave HIMSELF to Sam. (This ep is reminding me of Croatoan -- if Croatoan actually had a true sense of tension and peril and had been less bombastic -- anyway, in Croatoan, Dean gave away the Impala FOR Sam and here he's giving the Impala TO Sam.) It's also Dean giving away two of the objects that strongly identify him -- I think he's both aware of what those objects mean beyond being mere objects but also that he's able to let them go for a little while maybe is a sign that Dean knows he's himself even without them. That what Sam needs to do, and what Castiel needs to do, matters a whole lot more to him than holding on to these symbols and he's trying to give each of them what they need to do it. (Okay, I'm rambling, did that even make sense?)
Seriously, I never thought the show would actually have them walk away from each other. Even though for the sake of mending this partnership, I know they have to. I already posted about how when they heal, they're going to heal stronger than they were before and I guess this is part of that process but OW MY HEART OW OW OW OW. I don't really think it's going to last that long. God, I hope. I'm not a happy camper without the Sam&Deanness, no matter what else is filling me with keymashing joy. But I am excited for how much these characters have grown since we first met them and to see how this all plays out.