Another stellar example of the variable meaning of "childfree". If you challenge anyone directly on it, they usually claim that oh no, it doesn't mean they have anything against parents or kids, it's in no way equivalent to being racist or homophobic or any other instance of hating large sectors of the population based on various demographic characteristics, it just means they personally choose not to have kids.
But in practice, it seems like anyone who identifies as childfree but really doesn't hate kids, and actually voluntarily associates with other people's kids once in a while, is regarded as letting down the team.
To me, it all looks kind of like the "Oh, of course I have nothing against [insert ethnic group here] - but I wouldn't want my [insert relative here] to marry one!"
Or: the childfree thing is a complete cover for the fact that she's terrified her partner might develop strong connections and responsibilities to another person/people over which she has no control?
I've met some lovely people who identify as childfree, but they tend not to congregate around internet childfree groups, simply because they tend to be just so hostile towards parents/children- and many childfree people actually like parents/children and count them as part of their friends and family.
I'm childless-by-choice (I want children, but for personal reasons have chosen not to have them barring circumstances markedly changing for the better), which leaves me sort of homeless in terms of internet-communities :P
That part especially pisses me off. Speaking as someone who had an adoption agency chosen when I got unexpectedly pregnant thirteen years ago and changed my mind when the kid was born and now is pretty phenomenal parent. :P (Really - my son started middle school this year, and I'm already on a first name basis with the superintendent of his district because of how involved I am, and we're all pretty pleased with his academic and social progress so far. I'm mediocre at a lot of things, and even less than mediocre at some (housework!), but I'm best at being a mom.)
I happen to know a woman who was married with 3 kids under the age of 5 when her husband ran off, never to be heard from again.
5 years later, she was on the verge of a complete breakdown and no amount of counseling had helped, so she gave her kids up for adoption to a friend, knowing that she would not be getting them back, but protecting them.
It tore her up to do it, but for her, it was the right choice.
I almost aborted my first child, but decided to stick it out. Now, he's 7 and his dad is nowhere in sight...There have been times I've bargained similarly with his father, not because I don't love him, but because kids are hard. Geez!
(The comment has been removed)
Also: boggle at her boggling over the idea that a person who choses to be childfree can also enjoy spending time with children. How can this beee?????
Reply
But in practice, it seems like anyone who identifies as childfree but really doesn't hate kids, and actually voluntarily associates with other people's kids once in a while, is regarded as letting down the team.
To me, it all looks kind of like the "Oh, of course I have nothing against [insert ethnic group here] - but I wouldn't want my [insert relative here] to marry one!"
Reply
(The comment has been removed)
Reply
(The comment has been removed)
Reply
Reply
O NOEZ.
Reply
Reply
And, of course, poly & LGBT people!
Reply
(I, obv., am neither)
Reply
Reply
Reply
I happen to know a woman who was married with 3 kids under the age of 5 when her husband ran off, never to be heard from again.
5 years later, she was on the verge of a complete breakdown and no amount of counseling had helped, so she gave her kids up for adoption to a friend, knowing that she would not be getting them back, but protecting them.
It tore her up to do it, but for her, it was the right choice.
I almost aborted my first child, but decided to stick it out. Now, he's 7 and his dad is nowhere in sight...There have been times I've bargained similarly with his father, not because I don't love him, but because kids are hard. Geez!
Reply
Reply
Leave a comment