use the word concrete more in the first sentence. and..i think you meant to say Soles, not souls...if you DID mean to say souls, i think you only have one. so at the veryl east it should be soul. and you mix tenses when you say 'grinning' and 'emitting' (present tense) and 'made' (past).. in the 3rd sentence. oh, and if you insist on using big words, your sentences should probably make sense... like this part "the trees which churned so maniacally in the storm that I momentarily felt as if I had been plucked up from where I was standing only to be placed down again in a Dali painting"... you still have yet to go back to your point about the trees.. what about the trees!?!huh? and the whole storm galloping toward you thing sounds excellent, but just assomething to consider, things that gallop usually dont roar. though i dont think this is something important enough to really fix, just mentioning. description sounds good.. but youre trying to make your surroundings seem threatening-ish.. so maybe a cold, brass handle?... instead of inducting the upper class connotation of gold.
dont hate me, you said to tell what you think. and i am, after all, one of your biggest fans.
Yeah, I make really idiotic spelling mistakes all the damn time, no joke. Souls and soles. Hahaha.
The point that I was making about the trees is that the storm was making them insane looking, thus my feeling of being in a differnet world and the use of the word maniacle, I didn't find it necessary to go back and explain them more.
Galloping and roaring I used together to convey the sense of feriocity, I chose 'galloping' for the feeling of speed and 'roar' for the sound the rain was making hitting the ground.
And as far as the handle goes, it really was a gold handle and it really did all happen to me sooo I tried making it as close to the truth as possible.
And I don't hate you at all, I appreciate the fact that you actually did what I asked and critisized what I wrote. I just figured I'd explain myself and all, you knowwwww.
and..i think you meant to say Soles, not souls...if you DID mean to say souls, i think you only have one. so at the veryl east it should be soul.
and you mix tenses when you say 'grinning' and 'emitting' (present tense) and 'made' (past).. in the 3rd sentence.
oh, and if you insist on using big words, your sentences should probably make sense... like this part "the trees which churned so maniacally in the storm that I momentarily felt as if I had been plucked up from where I was standing only to be placed down again in a Dali painting"... you still have yet to go back to your point about the trees.. what about the trees!?!huh?
and the whole storm galloping toward you thing sounds excellent, but just assomething to consider, things that gallop usually dont roar. though i dont think this is something important enough to really fix, just mentioning.
description sounds good.. but youre trying to make your surroundings seem threatening-ish.. so maybe a cold, brass handle?... instead of inducting the upper class connotation of gold.
dont hate me, you said to tell what you think. and i am, after all, one of your biggest fans.
i hope beaulieu thinks better of it.
LOOOOOOOOOVE
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The point that I was making about the trees is that the storm was making them insane looking, thus my feeling of being in a differnet world and the use of the word maniacle, I didn't find it necessary to go back and explain them more.
Galloping and roaring I used together to convey the sense of feriocity, I chose 'galloping' for the feeling of speed and 'roar' for the sound the rain was making hitting the ground.
And as far as the handle goes, it really was a gold handle and it really did all happen to me sooo I tried making it as close to the truth as possible.
And I don't hate you at all, I appreciate the fact that you actually did what I asked and critisized what I wrote. I just figured I'd explain myself and all, you knowwwww.
My biggest fan?!! Who are you?
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