am back and depressed
[warning: a depressing post ]
i just miss blogging-- my incoherency, arbitrariness and all. so i'll do what i do best-- random ramblings. :D
it has been two months since i started working and i'm pretty much bored and dissatisfied with my routine work. what i hate about it is when i'm being unproductive. it depresses me thus makes me smoke more often. when bored, i eat a lot as in two rice at least every meal, snacks in between plus i don't say "no, thanks" to pamigays. impractically, it would cover most of my expenses. tsk tsk. officemates can be stressful at times but good thing i have a few whom i can spend time with during breaks. over-all, i'm earning just right but living a depressing and unhealthy life. i want to quit and find a new job. well, i'm resigning on the 11th, the day after pay-day. hehe. the hell with the thirty-days notice. wrong move, fine, but i can no longer force myself to work on something i don't see myself being successful. i'm not in a call center or bpo btw.. but it feels almost alike, i guess.
walking alone along the busy streets of makati and taking bus from chino roces(buendia) to fairview are bliss. both are relaxing and good avenues for contemplating-- one of my bipolar tendencies, hehe. medyo mapili ako sa bus, because i prefer european buses over the old-japanese ones. swerte ko kasi bandang buendia dulo ako kaya nakakaupo pa ako. hehe mas feel ko matulog at magmuni-muni.
late bloomer yata ako, as i consider music as my newly-found therapy. i don't know, i recently found pleasure downloading songs that have "tusok" and "relate-factor." i enjoy listening to them(usually alternatives and pop rock) from time to time especially when i'm travelling or walking alone. but more often, songs that i listen to instigate depression inside me. hehe, depression na naman. bipolar talaga ako, hehe.
i just turned 22 last monday. i had a pre-birthday celebration last sunday with my family here at home and spent with my closest friends during my birthday. medyo malungkot ang birthday because of all days, it fell on a monday. monday is likea mini-new year, people are busy and minds are reset. nakalimutan tuloy birthday ko. hehe but seriously, i feel old and pressured. damn, in the next 3 or so years, may asawa't anak na ako. lol
hehe, it may seem from this entry that i've been putting stress on being "depressed." yes, i am. but it's another long and random blogging for me to recount all of it-- from its causes and effects on me. what i do now is i'm dealing it with a right mindset and trying to fix all of it, one step at a time.
on hindsight, it seems life gets more depressing everyday, really.