Fuck My Life

Aug 24, 2004 19:00

Well I have to thank my closest friends for being there for me in my time of need. I have to say last night was the worst night of my life. I got a phone call from Brentt my Ex-boyfriend that was kinda not cause we were still have sex and acting like we were going out. He called to inform me that we could not continue whatever we had because he realized that he was being selfish. And we could not be friends anymore. And all this other crap. But the part I don't understand is two days ago he told me that he COULD love me even through he does not believe in LOVE. And him saying that means alot, that I mean a lot to him. But yet he wants to go around fucking anyone he wants. I can't even start to explain how I feel about all this. All I know is I'm glad I had Red's shoulder to cry on. I feel like shit. When ever I have time to sit down my mind starts thinking about all this shit and I have to fight back the tears. But I wasn't strong enough this morning when I was talking to karen and shew. Last night, different thoughts of death flashed through my mind. So many ways I could end my life. I can over dose on my mother pills. I truly wonder if I died would it really effect anyone. Who would cry and who would come to my funeral? I hate my life before all this shit happen. I'm not happy at home or when I'm gone for the weekends. The only thing that made me truly happy is gone now. No one in life is truly happy and I know I will never be. What else do I have to live for. And for my friends that are reading this don't worry about me. I'm not going to do anything to hurt myself. I'm just so depressed. I'm trying not to cry while writing this. I need to go....I can't take this any more.....
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