[Fiction] [Pastiche?] Un Suceso en Londres (An Event in London), part 01

[mierin_lanfear]

Raw and unedited. And I did not bother with the word count. But at least I began to write the idea, which is an important thing.

Completely fictional, and a sad attempt in pastiche. Had to "download" this straight from the brain before it disappears.

Comments

[luckychan]

I like the story so far; the concept of putting Holmes, Watson and Rizal together in one story is really intriguing. I think Rizal is in character--well, technically speaking--at least from what I imagine his personality would be. His polite but condescending manner, especially towards Filipinos using a foreign language, really is fitting, I think.

By the way, I loved the last line: She finally answered in Filipino: "You died."

I just noticed something though: you repeated the phrase "murky depths" two times in the story, to describe the tea--maybe it would be better if you could use another phrase for the second repetition?

Write more! :)

[mierin_lanfear]

Normally, I'd defend the repetitiveness of "murky depths" as something deliberate, but having come from a tiring, nosebleed-inducing day, I don't think I will, because I understand what you mean.

I always had this idea that Rizal's true personality is quite stand-offish, not quite as extroverted as historians hint. XD He is, after all, the übermensch of our race.

[putingtikbalang]

Yay to the stand-offishness, and yay to the last line.

Peronally, I can see this growing into a bigger story. I love how all the surprises started popping out. For a vignette, it certainly delivers quite a punch. ^_^

[meristedange]

Yes, yes! Rizal and Holmes! XD