(no subject)

[dorkysar]

Today the sadness is just filtrating into me, and I dont know why. I'm having an off day - i havn't had a day like this in... months. I remember in highschool and jr. high when my life was like this. I had this facade that I put on - and you alwyas here people talk about it, the "mask" and your like, psh - whatever that's so cliqe. but no, it's true. you live you life with everyone around you askin 'what's wrong" a million times over - you get sick of it and pretend to be happy when inside your stomach is just sinking into the ground due to overwhelming saddness that you simply cannot control. It's the worst feeling in the world. I did have a facade though, I used my music alot to hide behind - but that usually only caused more drama. Then they put you on medication - and you're pretty much like a new born child. You don't know who you are. All you've ever knows was inner saddness, and then you fake persona. So there i think is where I lost most of my friends. I started to change, started to be a bit more - weird, left of the center - whatever. id didn't really fit in with the friends I had made in highshcool any more. Then that magical place called perpich happened, and i found myself, pretty quickly. Yea - i'm not really all there yet, but i'm closer then i was a few years ago.

Hrmph... I don't want to be the grumpy person I am right now.

I'm reading an excellent book right now. (thanks sarah)

"'How can you hide from what never goes away?' ... No matter how many chemicals I have ever used to bleach or sandblast my brain, i know by now, only too well, that you can never get away from yourself because you never go away".

- Elizabeth wurtzel, Prozac Nation

I'm done. I wish everyone a happy and peacefull day tomorrow.