Sleep?? yea right..
well it is almost 5:30 in the morning and i CANT sleep.. well when i finally fell asleep around 2:30.. i slept for almost a whole 1 1/2 hours.. and Ben called...
I dont like girls.. even though i am one.. i dont like them. LOL.. And im sooo not sure what to think right now, its not even funny. I know my guard is up.. big time. Part of me is thinking its all my fault because of my trust issues.. but i cant help that.. Chris really screwed me over big time and its hard to trust guys. I mean i understand Ben isnt Chris.. but i didnt think Chris was Chris.. if that makes any sense whatsoever. The other part of me feels like im just being played for a fool. I want to believe Ben so soo much.. and im trying SO hard.. but *sigh* i duno. I dont think ill be getting alot of sleep tonight.. i feel like crap.. ive cried so much my head hurts.. my eyes are burning.. and im at a loss for words. I dont know what to say to Ben, i dont really know what to say to myself. Its like.. i hear what hes saying, but its just words. Anybody could say it.. UGH.. im soo frustrated. I love him though. And im trying to figure out if all my doubts are from my past relationship.. *tear*
*so most of this probably makes sense to no one.. lol.. i was rambling.. it made ME feel better*
~~later
I dont like girls.. even though i am one.. i dont like them. LOL.. And im sooo not sure what to think right now, its not even funny. I know my guard is up.. big time. Part of me is thinking its all my fault because of my trust issues.. but i cant help that.. Chris really screwed me over big time and its hard to trust guys. I mean i understand Ben isnt Chris.. but i didnt think Chris was Chris.. if that makes any sense whatsoever. The other part of me feels like im just being played for a fool. I want to believe Ben so soo much.. and im trying SO hard.. but *sigh* i duno. I dont think ill be getting alot of sleep tonight.. i feel like crap.. ive cried so much my head hurts.. my eyes are burning.. and im at a loss for words. I dont know what to say to Ben, i dont really know what to say to myself. Its like.. i hear what hes saying, but its just words. Anybody could say it.. UGH.. im soo frustrated. I love him though. And im trying to figure out if all my doubts are from my past relationship.. *tear*
*so most of this probably makes sense to no one.. lol.. i was rambling.. it made ME feel better*
~~later