(no subject)
yeah, so i guess ive come back to the world of el-jay now. just for a bit though. so much drama is going on between me and my [best friend]. yeah, she mad at me for stupid shit right now which im not gonna let get to me and not put up with it cuz well, its drama and i hate drama. conor can say baby now and its super cute. this weekend conor is gonna be gone and im gonna miss him. but ill get him back on monday. so what happened between christopher and lacie? i dont know. something to do with she put up with shit or something like that. i dont know. i guess ill find otu eventually by some certain somebody. yeah, ive lost a lot of weight lately and have officially been diagnosed with bi-polar, major depression, and ADD. its getting harder for me to have conor and i feel super super bad and guilty for it. i always have to ask for help because i get frustrated really quick and stuff. its making me feel like a shitty mom. ive noticed that christopher is a whole lot happier looking lately. i dont know why. but its since he got his braces off. maybe hes just showing off his pearly whites? i dont know, but i enjoy it. i actually see him every day after school in the nursery. it makes me smile. hes really super good with conor. better than me for sure. so this weekend im gonna go out of town with some friends for a bit. my mom is gonna be pissed but i need some time alone to think about stuff that is going on. my mom is actually encouraging me to get out of her place and go somewhere else. christopher, is the offer still good? i kinda hope so. cuz it might be taken. my mom is so overwhelmed lately and she takes out all her stress and frustration on me and its only bringing me down more than i already am. i almost died last week on wednesday. yeah, i poisoned myself because i got really really depressed and didnt want to be. if you really wanna know what i took. here goes:
1 bottle of Nyquil
1 bottle of cherry chloraseptic
half a bottle of deja blue
5 prozacs
6 decongestants
3 sleeping pills
2 of my moms blood pressure pills
yeah, my heart sky rocketed and went fast then plummeted and i passed out. its not fun having to stay up all night just to stay concious and chug a ton of water. thats what my mom made me do because she didnt wanna have to pay to get my stomach pumped. so i started puking up a whole lot and shit and it sucked. i didnt go to school for the next few days b/c well, i had a lot of psychiatrist appointments. it seems as if my medication that i was prescribed made me suicidal. and its odd because every medication ive been on for depression has made me suicidal. but im not on it anymore. im on meds for bi-polar so im really hoping that they work. i dont want conor to not have a mother whiles hes growing up. its bad enough that he only sees his mom and dad every other week.
well, yeah. comment if necessary.
1 bottle of Nyquil
1 bottle of cherry chloraseptic
half a bottle of deja blue
5 prozacs
6 decongestants
3 sleeping pills
2 of my moms blood pressure pills
yeah, my heart sky rocketed and went fast then plummeted and i passed out. its not fun having to stay up all night just to stay concious and chug a ton of water. thats what my mom made me do because she didnt wanna have to pay to get my stomach pumped. so i started puking up a whole lot and shit and it sucked. i didnt go to school for the next few days b/c well, i had a lot of psychiatrist appointments. it seems as if my medication that i was prescribed made me suicidal. and its odd because every medication ive been on for depression has made me suicidal. but im not on it anymore. im on meds for bi-polar so im really hoping that they work. i dont want conor to not have a mother whiles hes growing up. its bad enough that he only sees his mom and dad every other week.
well, yeah. comment if necessary.