bathroom talks with mom
lately i have just been...so frustrated.
frustrated with friendships...frustrated with my parents....frustrated with the play...
and mom sat me down this evening and said
"look...i've been thinking about what's been going on with you lately and having difficulties with the play and everything else...
and maybe its just because your priorities have changed since the trip.."
and i hadn't thought about it really...but its true.
i mean, last year and freshman year the play was SOO important to me.
and it's not that it isnt important to me anymore...its just... my order of importances have shifted slightly..
i can't explain it.... all i can say is try going to a 3rd world country and holding people as they're breathing their last breaths of air...or try witnessing infants being abondoned on crowded streets.... then see what becomes important to you.
don't get me wrong, the play still is what helps me survive every year around this time of the school year. it helps me get my mind off things....
but no matter what it wont get my mind off india.
and i'm no longer vulnerable to talking about india. i could openly talk to anyone about calcutta...if they asked me.
but i'm still vulnerable to the fact that I Have Changed.
I have changed...and the world is still the same.
that's why i'm having such problems with my friends...well some of them.
that's why i've been snippy with my parents.
that's why i get so frustrated with school
that's why i get so upset when people arent understanding in the play.
because no one even tries to understand. and even if they did..they still wouldn't get it.
and i can deal with that.
i think my biggest problem is just the fact that people in the play dont understand that i've changed...
AND AT THE SAME TIME i need to be extremely mindfull that even though the play isn't as important to me as it used to be...it still is extremely important to others.
whew. i always cry when i hit breakthroughs with my mom.
things hadn't quite clicked with me untill mom had talked to me.
"Its normal for people to not keep it together all the time..
Just below the surface, we're all raw and exposed.."
SATC
frustrated with friendships...frustrated with my parents....frustrated with the play...
and mom sat me down this evening and said
"look...i've been thinking about what's been going on with you lately and having difficulties with the play and everything else...
and maybe its just because your priorities have changed since the trip.."
and i hadn't thought about it really...but its true.
i mean, last year and freshman year the play was SOO important to me.
and it's not that it isnt important to me anymore...its just... my order of importances have shifted slightly..
i can't explain it.... all i can say is try going to a 3rd world country and holding people as they're breathing their last breaths of air...or try witnessing infants being abondoned on crowded streets.... then see what becomes important to you.
don't get me wrong, the play still is what helps me survive every year around this time of the school year. it helps me get my mind off things....
but no matter what it wont get my mind off india.
and i'm no longer vulnerable to talking about india. i could openly talk to anyone about calcutta...if they asked me.
but i'm still vulnerable to the fact that I Have Changed.
I have changed...and the world is still the same.
that's why i'm having such problems with my friends...well some of them.
that's why i've been snippy with my parents.
that's why i get so frustrated with school
that's why i get so upset when people arent understanding in the play.
because no one even tries to understand. and even if they did..they still wouldn't get it.
and i can deal with that.
i think my biggest problem is just the fact that people in the play dont understand that i've changed...
AND AT THE SAME TIME i need to be extremely mindfull that even though the play isn't as important to me as it used to be...it still is extremely important to others.
whew. i always cry when i hit breakthroughs with my mom.
things hadn't quite clicked with me untill mom had talked to me.
"Its normal for people to not keep it together all the time..
Just below the surface, we're all raw and exposed.."
SATC