Helpful tips
1. Before attempting to remove stubborn stains from a garment, always circle the stain in permanent pen, so that when you remove the garment from the washing machine you can easily locate the area of the stain and check that it has gone.
2. Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand next to the object you wish to view.
3. Always poo at work. Not only will you save money on toilet paper, but you'll also be getting paid for it.
4. Recreate the fun of a visit to a public swimming pool in your home by filling the bath with cold water, adding two bottles of bleach, then urinating into it, before jumping in.
5. An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator.
6. Olympic athletes. Disguise the fact that you've taken steroids by running a bit slower.
7. Heavy smokers. Don't throw away those filters from the end of yourcigarettes. Save them up and within a few years you'll have enough to
insulate your roof.
8. Corsa drivers. Attach a lighted sparkler to the roof of your car before starting a long journey. You drive the things like dodgems anyway, so it may as well look like one.
9. A mouse trap placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.
10. Fool next door into thinking you have more stairs than them by banging your feet twice on each stair.
11. Girls. Don't worry about a nice dress for that important first date. All he's interested in is seeing you starkers.
12. Putting just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl makes the fishes' eyes bulge and cause them to swim in an amusing manner.
13. Housewives. I find the best way to get two bottles of washing-up liquid for the price of one is by putting one in your shopping trolley and the other in your coat pocket.
2. Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand next to the object you wish to view.
3. Always poo at work. Not only will you save money on toilet paper, but you'll also be getting paid for it.
4. Recreate the fun of a visit to a public swimming pool in your home by filling the bath with cold water, adding two bottles of bleach, then urinating into it, before jumping in.
5. An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator.
6. Olympic athletes. Disguise the fact that you've taken steroids by running a bit slower.
7. Heavy smokers. Don't throw away those filters from the end of yourcigarettes. Save them up and within a few years you'll have enough to
insulate your roof.
8. Corsa drivers. Attach a lighted sparkler to the roof of your car before starting a long journey. You drive the things like dodgems anyway, so it may as well look like one.
9. A mouse trap placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.
10. Fool next door into thinking you have more stairs than them by banging your feet twice on each stair.
11. Girls. Don't worry about a nice dress for that important first date. All he's interested in is seeing you starkers.
12. Putting just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl makes the fishes' eyes bulge and cause them to swim in an amusing manner.
13. Housewives. I find the best way to get two bottles of washing-up liquid for the price of one is by putting one in your shopping trolley and the other in your coat pocket.