Paper Stars (For You)
Title: Paper Stars (For You)
Genre: AU High School
Rating: PG13
Pairing: JaeHo
Length: 5026 words [excluding lyrics]
Warning: Profanity, Unbeta-ed, & it’s JaeHo
Summary: And he writes little messages onto the little strips of papers…
Disclaimer: I own the story and the fictional random characters, but sadly not the songs and JaeHo. *sulks at a corner*
Maybe we’re friends,
maybe we’re more
(Next to You - Jordin Sparks)
As a child, he always knew (always had that gut feeling) that he was different from the rest of the boys in his third grade class. At the time, he was still too young to understand what that warm, bubbly feeling was and why his stomach did little cartwheels and flip-flops whenever a cute blonde, blue-eyed boy smiled at him.
He remembers having much stronger feelings for a particular raven haired boy.
“Maybe he wants to be my friend” was what he would think - what he would usually say to himself. He knew that he needed to set aside these strange little feelings. So for the rest of the next few years, he continued to believe in what he had said.
And I know what’s real
Can not be denied
(I Still Believe - Hayden Panettiere)
The feeling disappears when he gets his first girlfriend in seventh grade. “She’s cute” was what his family members and friends would say to him whenever he introduced her. He believes she’s much prettier than cute with her long shiny platinum-blond hair and sparkling emerald eyes, but it doesn’t really matter.
She makes him happy, filled with love and joy, and for a moment in time he believes she is the one for him - the one who he wants to spend his life with. After all this is what all (or most) fourteen and fifteen-years-old go through when they are in relationships. But after a long two years, he realizes that they are missing something - that there’s more to this world than just Yunho and Abigail.
And for the second time in his life, he’s nervous when he approaches her, knees feeling like they are made out of jell-o and heart pounding hard against his ribcage. His palms are sweaty, and he feels like he’s going to faint when he finally stands in front of her.
He’s surprised when she easily agrees that they need a break up. “We’re both forcing ourselves now.” He’s not sure if he should be happy that it wasn’t a dramatic breakup or mad at the fact that it was too easy.
“I still love you though,” she finally whispers a little while later, and he gives her a faint smile, understanding what she means.
She’s still pretty like how she was back in junior high with now light pink highlights and a side lip piercing. ‘She has changed so much,’ he thinks, but he doesn’t hate her. He can never hate her.
“I love you too,” he answers back as he steps closer and opens his arms, hugging her tightly. “Still remember our promise?”
He hesitates for a moment because he’s not sure whether or not she remembers. But before he can say anything else, she pulls back and looks up at him in surprised. “I thought I was the only one who still remembered.”
He rests his forehead against hers while she lets out a shaky breath and gives him a beautiful matching smile. “Yeah.”
Whatever happens in the future, we’ll always be friends.
Although it may hide,
For a while
(I Still Believe - Hayden Panettiere)
It’s not until he reaches his sophomore year in Sungkyunkwan High School that he sees a glimpse of two upper classmen kissing in the boys’ bathroom during lunch time. The sight makes him feel disgust and ashamed (the strange feeling returns), and he rushes out of the bathroom in a desperate need of escaping the scene, the image, the feeling.
His legs collapse beneath him when he finally reaches an empty field, breathing labored and uneven. He closes his eyes but snaps them back open when the same image flashes in the back of his mind. A hand climbs up its way to his chest.
“No,” he whispers harshly into the silent wind as he tightens his clutched fist. “Why?”
It’s that very moment that Yunho realizes he’s attracted to men, and for the rest of the week, he doesn’t leave his bedroom - except for school.
When he finally arrives home on a Friday afternoon and decides to sleep the rest of his day away, his mother walks into his room, worried. She places a gentle hand on his forehead, and he answers tiredly, “I don’t feel good.”
He continues to sleep, hoping it will calm his senses because he can’t face reality - not yet. And when he finally can’t find himself to sleep anymore, he wakes up in the middle of the night and walks to his bathroom.
Flipping on the light switch, he feels the bile in the back of his throat - feels the shame, the guilt when he looks into the mirror and sees him.
Himself.
If you could only see
That I’m the one who understands you
I’ve been here all along
(You Belong With Me - Taylor Swift)
He’s trying to study for his trigonometry exam but it’s a pair of dark brown eyes (if they could, they would have bore holes into his head already) that keeps him from focusing.
He hates the way how his (mothered-hen) best friend, Kim JaeJoong, examines him closely nowadays (pft - he always have since they were kids). And after another ten minutes, Yunho finally looks up from his book, sighs, and turns around in his chair to look at the raven haired teen.
“What?”
“You know what,” the older teen says in a stern voice. JaeJoong crosses his arms over his chest as he leans back against the wall of Yunho’s bedroom. “If you have something to say then say it.”
He finds it ridiculous, but he knows that he has a now or never chance. JaeJoong’s never going to let him go if he doesn’t spill whatever secrets he have, and he can’t say “it’s nothing” because JaeJoong always sees through his lies.
After a total of three months of living in hell, Yunho takes a deep breath and sighs for the second time. He needs to confess his sexual orientation to his best friend. He knows the possibilities of what will happen if JaeJoong doesn’t accept him, he’s just not sure if he’s ready for it.
He’s not even sure if he’ll be ready if JaeJoong ends up accepting him either.
“I like men,” he finally manages to utter out in a quiet voice, eyes lowering to the carpet floor. His jaws clench when he hears nothing, no sound, from his friend, and he wonders if JaeJoong will stop talking to him from now on.
After long minutes, he lifts his gaze off the floor and stares at his friend.
“So…you’re bi?” He asks with an arched brow and a strange grin on his face. He inches closer and Yunho swallows the lump at his throat. “I…yeah - I like girls too but I-” He stops when JaeJoong raises a hand.
“I was wondering how long it was going to take you to confess. I kind of always knew but I was never really sure. It’s bad to assume from my part.” The older boy huffs and gets up from Yunho’s bed, slowly making his way to the younger teen’s side. Yunho shrinks into his seat as JaeJoong bends down and reaches out to pinch his cheeks. “You know you’re too cute for me not to love you.”
And just like that, he feels as though half of the world has been lifted off from his shoulders as he jumps up from his seat and throws his arms over JaeJoong’s neck, clinging onto him because that’s what he really needs right now.
His best friend to accept him and hold him.
I sometimes wonder
Do you ever think,
When you’re all alone,
All the things we can be?
(Crush - David Archuleta)
It’s already been five months since he’s confessed to JaeJoong that he liked men. It’s late in April and he’s at his friend’s place for their usual Friday night hangout.
Yunho knows how touchy he and JaeJoong can get sometimes, but it wasn’t until recently when he started to wonder if JaeJoong was into men too or if he was just an open-minded person. He can never tell when it comes to his strange old hyung.
He hates to admit it but he enjoys the little caresses JaeJoong gives him every now and then, the soft kisses that are placed on to his forehead every time he rests his head on JaeJoong’s shoulder. The warm and bubbly feeling returns and it’s similar to the one he felt way back when he was in third grade. But it’s much stronger - so much stronger.
And when he finally looks (really looks) at his friend, he notices how attached he is to the older boy - how good they look together. He swallows the lump at the back of his throat.
He’s scared of rejection (who the fuck doesn’t) - doesn’t want to risk their friendship. So he keeps it to himself and hides his feelings for his hyung away.
And that’s how he searches and finds Michael Rin a couple of weeks (six weeks to be exact) later. He likes Michael - the older boy is really sweet and funny. Yunho actually does fall (becomes infatuated) for him, and while a little voice tells him he’s being ridiculously foolish, Yunho continues to be with the new boy.
No. He’s not desperate to find someone to love him. He just needs someone to distract him from his growing feelings toward his hyung - his best friend.
And I know it’s a lie,
What you’re keeping inside.
This is not how
You want it to be; is it?
(Wait For You - Elliott Yamin)
He hesitates at first but he approaches his best friend with small steps, another boy following behind him. “Hyung.”
JaeJoong slowly turns to face him as he drags his cigarette from his parted lips. Dark eyes shift from him to his boyfriend and then down to their linked hands. The odd expression on JaeJoong’s face makes Yunho stop, and he wonders if he is doing the right thing. Maybe JaeJoong is trying too hard to accept the real him. Why else would he look so…
“Is something wrong hyung?”
He receives no answer but a strange smile stretches across JaeJoong’s lips when he finally looks back up at Yunho. “I assume this is the boyfriend you were telling me about?”
Yunho nods as he tries to ignore the fact that JaeJoong didn’t answer his question. “This is Michael Rin. Mikey, this is my best friend, Kim JaeJoong.”
JaeJoong gives Michael a light head bow before turning his attention back to Yunho. They stare at each other, eyes locked for a few minutes until Michael lets out a soft cough.
Yunho opens his mouth but then closes them back up. He’s not sure what he should say - what else is there to say. And when JaeJoong finally walks towards them, he feels his breath caught in the back of his throat as JaeJoong leans and whispers into his ear,
“Be happy.”
Since the day you
Came into my life
I thought,
“Hey, you know this could be something.”
(Two is Better than One - Boys Like Girls Feat. Taylor Swift)
He still remembers meeting his best friend back in the old days - back in elementary school when they were only in third grade.
It was already mid-September (a month of the new school year had already passed by) and he was resting head on his desk, pretending to sleep like always because he finds education boring, when Mr. Swan returned from the principal’s office in long strides.
It’s the announcement about a new student that captures his attention and he slowly turns his head to look at the door, chin resting on top of his folded arms. A tall but skinny boy walks in and the little boy tilts his head to the side.
He swears he has seen this face before, the light brown eyes and spiked hair and the sun-kissed skin, but he can’t place his finger where. At least not until his teacher announces to the class, “Everyone this is Jung Yunho.”
And that’s when JaeJoong’s little mind clicked.
‘We use to play in the sandbox at the park together.’
And you’re the face
I can’t forget
(Over and Over - Sweetbox)
He is walking to the snack stand (it’s break at the moment) when he sees a glimpse of a flustered Yunho running and three older kids chasing after him. It pisses JaeJoong off at how unfair and stupid upper graders can be, and he sighs.
“Guess I’ll need to starve my fucken self today and wait ‘til it’s lunch,” he decides and walks into the direction where he had seen the four boys run off to.
And when he finally reaches his destination, he asks the pathetic boys why they can’t pick someone their own size. He laughs at them when they call him a little princess because he knows that their stupidity is what gets them into trouble.
And although he may have a pretty face, with long black hair that reached down his shoulders, JaeJoong knows that he can take the three fifth graders within minutes. He didn’t grow up with the tough kids for nothing.
He easily dodges their attacks before punching them in the guts and faces with his own fists. JaeJoong ends up with a large scratch across his collarbone, however, when one of the boys takes a rock and tries to hit his face with it. It’s when they all hear the principal and the teachers shout at them to stop that the three boys try to run away.
JaeJoong takes a step forward, hoping to get to Yunho’s side, when a teacher grabs him roughly by the arm. She doesn’t allow him to explain (not that he was going to anyways) and is about to drag him away to the principal’s office when Yunho quietly tells the teacher to let JaeJoong go.
It’s that very moment that something sparks between JaeJoong and Yunho, and JaeJoong knows for sure that this time Yunho knows him - remembers who he is.
You’re the mistake
That I make over and over again
(Over and Over - Sweetbox)
“I saw Mike with some other guy earlier this morning.”
He really hates moments like these (doesn’t like accusing people if he doesn’t see it for himself), but he tries to reason it out with JaeJoong. He knows that this topic is not worth to start a fight, but Yunho can feel the anger start to boil within his system. “Don’t do that Jae, you know that I don’t like it.”
The look on JaeJoong’s face doesn’t help either and when the older boy simply shrugs and says, “Suit yourself,” Yunho pushes him away, roughly.
He watches as JaeJoong trips over his footing, almost falling into the streets, but quickly regains his balance. A car rushes by and Yunho blinks before realizing what could have happened if JaeJoong had fell into the streets.
He rushes over to where JaeJoong is standing, a hand reaching forward to grab onto his best friend’s hand. “Hyung, I…” He starts but fails to finish.
JaeJoong slaps his hand away and walks in the opposite direction.
And you know I miss you
I even think about you
When you’re gone
(I Miss You - Darren Hayes)
Guilt eats him alive inside out and he tries to forget JaeJoong as he continues to be with the other boy. But as time passes, he can feel that he is starting to change - can feel that his relationship with Michael is changing. ‘Who do you think you are fooling with?’ The little voice returns and Yunho knows he has created a shit-hole for himself.
And it’s not until he sees Michael shoving his tongue down some other person’s throat that he storms towards him and tells him that it’s officially over.
He is mad, right down pissed, as he repeatedly presses JaeJoong’s doorbell. Sure, the entire time he was just forcing himself onto Michael (trying to forget whatever shitty pathetic feelings he has for his best friend) but that didn’t mean he liked cheating.
It’s been six straight months since he has had a real conversation with JaeJoong (since their little fight), and Yunho swears that he is going to go insane if he doesn’t talk to him soon.
He hears JaeJoong’s voice coming from the other side of the door. And when JaeJoong finally unlocks the door and flings it open, his eyes widen in surprise.
“I wasn’t expecting you here.” He steps aside to allow Yunho in and then closes the door behind them. “Is something-”
Yunho doesn’t let the older boy finish as he pulls JaeJoong into a tight hug and buries his face into the crook of his neck, hands clutching to the back of JaeJoong’s shirt. “I’m sorry,” he finally mutters out against JaeJoong’s skin, and he wonders what JaeJoong thinks of him now - wonders if JaeJoong still considers him as a friend. “So sorry.”
“Do it,” the older teen tells him while he wraps his arms around the taller boy in comfort.
And he cries.
And sometimes I wonder
If I should stay?
(Can’t Help Falling In Love - A.Teens)
“I haven’t seen you done this in a long time.”
It’s been a week since Yunho’s bad breakup, and he’s spending his time catching up on things with JaeJoong.
“That’s because you don’t visit me anymore.” The raven haired boy replies, smiling.
He smiles back, props his elbow onto JaeJoong’s bed, and rests his chin onto his palm as he watches JaeJoong make a fish out from the orange colored paper.
Yunho finds origami art fascinating - how someone can change a simple sheet of paper into a work of art by just folding, ripping, and folding the paper some more.
He doesn’t look like the kind of guy who would like to spend his time folding papers, but for years JaeJoong has never failed to amaze Yunho when it came to origami. He is always left in awe when he watches JaeJoong work his magic fingers, turning a simple white pearl sheet into a beautiful paper crane.
There are times, like now, where Yunho will grab (steal) some of JaeJoong’s paper (of course, only when the older boy is too preoccupied with his own art or other things) and try to make his own paper hearts and cranes. He fails at making them, however, because he can never remember the next step, whether if he is suppose to fold the corners in now or later.
And after long minutes (usually thirty to forty minutes) of thinking, Yunho will throw his arms into the air in frustration. “I hate this.”
“You’ll get use to it,” is what his best friend always says.
Or if I should go,
Because I want to follow you too
(I Miss You - Darren Hayes)
Will it be a sin?
(Can’t Help Falling In Love - A.Teens)
He is not patient but he is not one to give up so easily either. Yunho finds himself sitting on the floor, next to JaeJoong’s left leg, a few days later, trying to figure out how to make the paper stars JaeJoong has been teaching him.
“Stars are easy to make. You’ll probably enjoy making them once you get the hang of it.” JaeJoong tells him, eyes never leaving his soon to be paper lotus flower. “It’s pretty fun when you write little notes inside, fold them, and then open them up years later.”
Yunho only sighs when he looks at his flattened star. “How the fuck do you puff it out?”
JaeJoong finally turns his head to look down at Yunho. He chuckles at Yunho’s cute pout and takes the tiny paper from Yunho’s fingers. “Carefully pinch the corners in and try not to put pressure in the middle of the star - you’ll only make it flat again.”
He rests his chin on top of JaeJoong’s knee and watches in envy when JaeJoong easily makes his ugly and flattened paper into a cute star. The younger boy sighs again and nods as he takes another strip of paper and ties it.
Yunho continues to fold again and again until finally he is able to make his star. He smiles. It’s not as pretty or cute as JaeJoong’s but it’s his and he finally did it. His first start.
He grabs another strip and decides to practice some more, create some more.
And true to JaeJoong’s words, Yunho does get use to it.
I try to keep you
Off of my mind
And when I think
I’ll be alright,
I am always wrong
(My Hands - Leona Lewis)
He hates love - hates falling in love - but what can he really do? He is only human, after all.
It’s cheesy but he knows that he wants to give his first origami heart to Yunho as soon as he finishes it. Only a few more folds and he will be done. Junsu and his friends Changmin, Yoochun, and HyunJoong watches eagerly as he quickly tucks in the corner ends of the paper heart.
“Finished!” He shouts happily and the four other boys pounce onto him, cheering.
But the excitement is easily crushed away when his mother walks into the kitchen table and tells them about Yunho’s first girlfriend. “Did Yunnie tell you guys that he has a girlfriend? Abigail Riley? That girl is such a doll.”
It’s the first time Junsu sees his older brother cry himself to sleep that night.
And all those times,
The long wait,
When you weren’t mine
I still wish on the stars
As they fall from above
(I Still Believe - Hayden Panettiere)
It’s the same wish every year that he makes; the same wish he prays every night. And after a while, he loses faith on such birthday wishes and prayers and decides to make paper stars instead because of the annoying nursery rhyme Junsu keeps singing every now and then, “Star light, star bright. First start I see tonight. I wish I may, I wish I might. Have the wish I wish tonight.”
“It’s stupid,” he lectures himself, “this is stupid.” But as he continues making the paper stars, his hope grows and he believes that maybe one day, just one day, his wish will come true.
It’s not until he reaches his junior year that his boredom and creativity gets the best of him, and he finds himself with a pencil and a strip of paper one day.
“Just tell me you don’t love me. Tell me you don’t feel the way same way like I do.” (Juice Box - AJ Rafael) He writes his favorite part from a song onto the strip and smiles when he finishes.
It’s his first star with a message inside.
And when you walk into the room
Do you know? Do you know that,
You’re so, so hard to let go?
(Juice Box - AJ Rafael)
He’s a jerk; he knows that he is one for sure. The fact that he can’t stop or convey his feelings to his best friend just frustrates him to no end; he’s lost and confused. He wants the older boy to himself yet at the same time he knows nothing good would come out from it if he forces JaeJoong to give him a chance.
Look at what had happened last time.
“You’re so hard to let go,” Yunho writes neatly before folding the strip of paper into a star.
I really can’t explain this feeling
And I think about it every day
(Walk Away - Paula Deanda)
He really should be studying for his statistics exam (thank god he’s living on his own now or else) that is in two days but he finds himself at Junsu’s boyfriend’s, Kim HyunJoong, early graduation party (they’re graduating in four months). He doesn’t mind that JaeJoong had dragged him out to party - it’s just that he’s not the type to socialize with people he doesn’t know or aren’t close to.
Yunho watches as JaeJoong laughs with some random people he doesn’t know and it hurts somewhere deep inside. He doesn’t exactly have an answer as to why it hurts but it does. And when he sees the older teen kiss a random guy on the cheek, he angrily takes a cup Changmin (Junsu’s best friend, Park Yoochun’s boyfriend) offers, drinking it in hopes that the punch will wash away the bitter feeling.
He ends up spitting it afterwards, wiping away the remaining drops on his lips with the back of his hand. “What the fuck is this?”
“Punch,” Changmin simply says and Yunho glares at him. “Mixed with vodka.”
He knows that consequences would be damn if he does anything stupid because he’s not much of a drinker, and he knows that JaeJoong will give him a long never-ending lecture about him drinking alcohol but… ‘Who the fuck cares right now?’
He grabs an extra cup from the counter and makes his way through the crowded living room until he reaches the front door. Yunho finally lets out a relieving sigh when he feels the cool night breeze. He takes a quick glimpse at the cup before downing it. He does the same for the next one.
And then the next and the next.
So hard to find love like this
The chances are so far and few
(Be My Girl - JYJ)
It’s an accident, really, or so that’s what Yunho thinks as he clings onto JaeJoong, moaning quietly against the latter’s lips when he pushes him against the wall roughly. He can’t remembered what happened, doesn’t really give a fuck what happened, because his mind is too hazy - too fogged up - for him to focus.
It’s the way how JaeJoong kisses him (full of tongue, teeth, and wetness) that makes Yunho’s knees wobble and shake. He arches his back and neck, breaking the harsh kiss, when he feels a hand cup him in between his legs.
“Hyung,” he gasps out, threading his long fingers along JaeJoong’s hair and scalp as the older boy leans forward to bite the exposed skin. His breathing becomes more shallow and rough, and he feels slightly light-headed when JaeJoong suddenly drags him to a bedroom.
JaeJoong falls onto the bed first with Yunho tumbling after him, and for a few minutes they stay that way - Yunho hovering over JaeJoong with their lips inches apart from each others. Their breaths are irregular and mingled as they continue to stare into each others’ eyes.
It’s when he hears his name from JaeJoong lips that Yunho swallows and hesitatingly traces his fingertips over JaeJoong’s pale cheek. He moves his fingers down to caress his plump lips before leaning down to taste them once again.
He hears JaeJoong’s deep groan before he feels JaeJoong place his hands against his chest and pushes him away. He breaks the kiss, feeling confused and hurt, but before he can really make any complaints about it, JaeJoong straddles him and pins both of his arms against his head.
“Hyung,” despite the fact that he’s drunk, Yunho knows that he sounds desperate as he whispers and moans under his best friend’s touch. “Please, kiss me.”
And JaeJoong does - that’s all he does until he finally breaks away from their breathless kiss and says quietly,
“Go to sleep.”
And I get scared
Whenever I think about the possibilities
That you may not feel like this too
And I wonder
if I were gone today - tomorrow
Would you notice?
(Mi Noog - Sudden Rush English Version)
Yunho doesn’t remember what had happened, but he notices something’s wrong when JaeJoong doesn’t talk to him. It’s been four days since he had last seen JaeJoong and he wonders, ‘Did we fight again that night?’
He tries not to think too much about the topic as he gets up from his seat and walks out of the door. It’s lunch now but he doesn’t feel really hungry and slowly makes his way to their usual hangout. He hopes that today JaeJoong will be there.
He hates how vulnerable he can be when it comes to JaeJoong. He’s always left so opened, so exposed and naked, and he wonders how JaeJoong manages to make him feel like this - how only JaeJoong can make him feel like this.
And it makes him laugh (sometimes fucken pissed) when people assume that he would be the one dominating in this relationship (if there was really one anyways) because of his manlier features. But like what they all say, never judge a book by its cover.
It’s when he reaches the end of the hallway that he sees JaeJoong with a small glass jar in his hand filled with something he can’t really see.
“Happy birthday,” the older teen says with a smile on his face.
I know, but tell me,
Tell me, the truth.
He should be controlling his emotions and feelings, but he fails when the taller boy corners him that night.
He swears under his breath as he opens the door to Yunho’s apartment room. Stumbling in, he drops Yunho onto the couch and turns to close the door when the younger boy grabs the hem of his shirt. He turns around and wants to bitch at the idiot for drinking (Yunho can’t control his alcohol very well), but it’s the pained look on his face that makes his chest compress tightly. For a moment breathing becomes too much of a work to do.
JaeJoong looks away and pries Yunho’s fingers off the hem of his shirt before walking to the door. He closes the door and just as he is about to lock it, he feels a warm body pressed against his. A warm breath breathed against his neck.
“I love you.”
It’s hard not to fall for those words (words he has dreamed of since they were kids - back when they were in middle school) even though he knows that what Yunho is telling him is true. He prefers the boy to confess when he is sobered, and so he forces himself to reply, “You’re drunk, Yunho.”
The boy shakes his head repeatedly and buries his face into JaeJoong’s neck like a child would, hands clinging onto his shirt like always. “I love you, hyung. I really, really do.”
And just like that his emotions take over him completely as he grabs onto Yunho’s shoulders and pins him against the wall.
Are you holding back?
Like the way I do?
(Crush - David Archuleta)
“He was looking for you today, again.”
He winces at the harsh tone of his brother. They rarely argued but when Junsu was mad…
“Stop leading him on, JaeJoong.”
“Junsu, please, would you…”
“You’re being ridiculously stupid. Either you tell the guy that you love him, or you don’t and give him up. You think it’s too soon because of his recent breakup with that shit head Mike, but you know what? I think he’s waiting for you to tell him that you love him.
“I doubt he knows that you love him more than just a friend. Being your weird usual self, it’s hard to tell what the fuck you want. Hell, it even took me, your brother, two years JaeJoong, two fucken years, to understand what you really wanted.” Junsu gets up from where he was sitting and walks to their bedroom door. Before he leaves, he stops right in front of it. “Whatever, it’s your choice. Make your love life like a drama series or something, but don’t come sulking like a dead cow around me. It’s fucken annoying. And in case you’ve forgotten, which I doubt you would, his birthday is this Thursday.”
JaeJoong snorts and lies down on his bed. “Brat thinks he knows what he is saying.” He closes his eyes and smiles.
He has taught his baby brother well.
But we were both young
When I first saw you
(Love Story - Taylor Swift)
And what I’m trying to say…
“Paper stars?”
“Each one made full of love.”
He raises a brow at JaeJoong before pulling out the cork of the jar. He takes out a green star and eyes it carefully. “You wrote in them didn’t you?”
JaeJoong shrugs. “I don’t know. Did I?”
Yunho lets out a snort, continuing to eye the paper star from different angles.
“Just the green ones. The rest of the colors are blank.”
He smiles and begins to unfold one by one.
And it’s when he opens the last star that he feels his eyes begin to pool into tears.
What I’m trying to say is
You should be mine.
You should be my baby.
(Be My Girl - JYJ)
Since the day you
Came into my life
I thought,
“Hey, you know this could be something.”
I sometimes wonder
Do you ever think,
When you’re all alone,
All the things we can be?
Maybe we’re friends,
maybe we’re more.
I try to keep you
Off of my mind
And when I think
I’ll be alright,
I am always wrong
And you’re the face
I can’t forget
You’re the mistake
That I make over and over again
And when you walk into the room
Do you know? Do you know that,
You’re so, so hard to let go?
And you know I miss you
I even think about you
When you’re gone
And sometimes I wonder
If I should stay?
Or if I should go,
Because I want to follow you too
Will it be a sin?
And all those times,
The long wait,
When you weren’t mine
I still wish on the stars
As they fall from above
And I get scared
Whenever I think about the possibilities
That you may not feel like this too
And I wonder
if I were gone today - tomorrow
Would you notice?
I know, but tell me,
Tell me, the truth.
Are you holding back?
Like the way I do?
So hard to find love like this
The chances are so far and few.
I really can’t explain this feeling
And I think about it every day
And I know it’s a lie,
What you’re keeping inside.
This is not how
You want it to be; is it?
If you could only see
That I’m the one who understands you
I’ve been here all along
And I know what’s real
Can not be denied
Although it may hide,
For a while
But we were both young
When I first saw you
And what I’m trying to say…
What I’m trying to say is
You should be mine.
You should be my baby.
I love you
…………………………
Author’s Note: OH MY FUCKEN GOD. I finished it! I think I spent three fucken days doing nothing but this (yeah apparently I have no life of whatsoever at all), and I was complaining to my guy friend about how Miss JaeHo Paper Stars Plots won’t leave me the hell alone and … ;;
Well anyways, it wasn’t until recently (after finishing Hosting Hours by ppeogi and a few other fics) that I realized I’ve missed the JaeHo/YJ pairing so much I’m JaeHo deprived. I think it’s good for me to have this ridiculous love-hate relationship with them however. It’s annoying (I always argue with Mr. JaeHo-muse and yes he’s different from Miss Plots), but it gives me time to appreciate how much they really mean to me.
There also seems to be a lack of JaeHo stories (or maybe it’s just me and my lazinesspickiness that I can’t find any) so Mr. JaeHo-muse decided to force me to write something. And if you're wondering how JaeHo they look like here, imagine high school JaeJoong with his recent hot handsome gorgeous haircut and Yunho back in the ancient days with his cute spiky hair.
Technically the plot was made for YooMin, but because I realized I wanted to make this into a happy ending, I (along with Mr. JaeHo-Muse) kicked YooMin away and put JaeHo instead - and I prefer happy drabbles for YooMin.
And I don’t know if I confused anybody but the JaeJoong’s parts are separated between “paper stars” and the mixed lyrics I put together (in each little part and at the end) is what JaeJoong wrote inside the stars. Each line or two is for a new star - if that’s how you want to look at it. And I know the lyrics are not exactly like what I have and well that’s because I needed to change it in order to make everything work and flow together.
I hope you enjoyed this :] because I had fun well it was a pain in the ass because of Miss Plots writing this.
Comments are highly appreciated. :]
Genre: AU High School
Rating: PG13
Pairing: JaeHo
Length: 5026 words [excluding lyrics]
Warning: Profanity, Unbeta-ed, & it’s JaeHo
Summary: And he writes little messages onto the little strips of papers…
Disclaimer: I own the story and the fictional random characters, but sadly not the songs and JaeHo. *sulks at a corner*
Maybe we’re friends,
maybe we’re more
(Next to You - Jordin Sparks)
As a child, he always knew (always had that gut feeling) that he was different from the rest of the boys in his third grade class. At the time, he was still too young to understand what that warm, bubbly feeling was and why his stomach did little cartwheels and flip-flops whenever a cute blonde, blue-eyed boy smiled at him.
He remembers having much stronger feelings for a particular raven haired boy.
“Maybe he wants to be my friend” was what he would think - what he would usually say to himself. He knew that he needed to set aside these strange little feelings. So for the rest of the next few years, he continued to believe in what he had said.
And I know what’s real
Can not be denied
(I Still Believe - Hayden Panettiere)
The feeling disappears when he gets his first girlfriend in seventh grade. “She’s cute” was what his family members and friends would say to him whenever he introduced her. He believes she’s much prettier than cute with her long shiny platinum-blond hair and sparkling emerald eyes, but it doesn’t really matter.
She makes him happy, filled with love and joy, and for a moment in time he believes she is the one for him - the one who he wants to spend his life with. After all this is what all (or most) fourteen and fifteen-years-old go through when they are in relationships. But after a long two years, he realizes that they are missing something - that there’s more to this world than just Yunho and Abigail.
And for the second time in his life, he’s nervous when he approaches her, knees feeling like they are made out of jell-o and heart pounding hard against his ribcage. His palms are sweaty, and he feels like he’s going to faint when he finally stands in front of her.
He’s surprised when she easily agrees that they need a break up. “We’re both forcing ourselves now.” He’s not sure if he should be happy that it wasn’t a dramatic breakup or mad at the fact that it was too easy.
“I still love you though,” she finally whispers a little while later, and he gives her a faint smile, understanding what she means.
She’s still pretty like how she was back in junior high with now light pink highlights and a side lip piercing. ‘She has changed so much,’ he thinks, but he doesn’t hate her. He can never hate her.
“I love you too,” he answers back as he steps closer and opens his arms, hugging her tightly. “Still remember our promise?”
He hesitates for a moment because he’s not sure whether or not she remembers. But before he can say anything else, she pulls back and looks up at him in surprised. “I thought I was the only one who still remembered.”
He rests his forehead against hers while she lets out a shaky breath and gives him a beautiful matching smile. “Yeah.”
Whatever happens in the future, we’ll always be friends.
Although it may hide,
For a while
(I Still Believe - Hayden Panettiere)
It’s not until he reaches his sophomore year in Sungkyunkwan High School that he sees a glimpse of two upper classmen kissing in the boys’ bathroom during lunch time. The sight makes him feel disgust and ashamed (the strange feeling returns), and he rushes out of the bathroom in a desperate need of escaping the scene, the image, the feeling.
His legs collapse beneath him when he finally reaches an empty field, breathing labored and uneven. He closes his eyes but snaps them back open when the same image flashes in the back of his mind. A hand climbs up its way to his chest.
“No,” he whispers harshly into the silent wind as he tightens his clutched fist. “Why?”
It’s that very moment that Yunho realizes he’s attracted to men, and for the rest of the week, he doesn’t leave his bedroom - except for school.
When he finally arrives home on a Friday afternoon and decides to sleep the rest of his day away, his mother walks into his room, worried. She places a gentle hand on his forehead, and he answers tiredly, “I don’t feel good.”
He continues to sleep, hoping it will calm his senses because he can’t face reality - not yet. And when he finally can’t find himself to sleep anymore, he wakes up in the middle of the night and walks to his bathroom.
Flipping on the light switch, he feels the bile in the back of his throat - feels the shame, the guilt when he looks into the mirror and sees him.
Himself.
If you could only see
That I’m the one who understands you
I’ve been here all along
(You Belong With Me - Taylor Swift)
He’s trying to study for his trigonometry exam but it’s a pair of dark brown eyes (if they could, they would have bore holes into his head already) that keeps him from focusing.
He hates the way how his (mothered-hen) best friend, Kim JaeJoong, examines him closely nowadays (pft - he always have since they were kids). And after another ten minutes, Yunho finally looks up from his book, sighs, and turns around in his chair to look at the raven haired teen.
“What?”
“You know what,” the older teen says in a stern voice. JaeJoong crosses his arms over his chest as he leans back against the wall of Yunho’s bedroom. “If you have something to say then say it.”
He finds it ridiculous, but he knows that he has a now or never chance. JaeJoong’s never going to let him go if he doesn’t spill whatever secrets he have, and he can’t say “it’s nothing” because JaeJoong always sees through his lies.
After a total of three months of living in hell, Yunho takes a deep breath and sighs for the second time. He needs to confess his sexual orientation to his best friend. He knows the possibilities of what will happen if JaeJoong doesn’t accept him, he’s just not sure if he’s ready for it.
He’s not even sure if he’ll be ready if JaeJoong ends up accepting him either.
“I like men,” he finally manages to utter out in a quiet voice, eyes lowering to the carpet floor. His jaws clench when he hears nothing, no sound, from his friend, and he wonders if JaeJoong will stop talking to him from now on.
After long minutes, he lifts his gaze off the floor and stares at his friend.
“So…you’re bi?” He asks with an arched brow and a strange grin on his face. He inches closer and Yunho swallows the lump at his throat. “I…yeah - I like girls too but I-” He stops when JaeJoong raises a hand.
“I was wondering how long it was going to take you to confess. I kind of always knew but I was never really sure. It’s bad to assume from my part.” The older boy huffs and gets up from Yunho’s bed, slowly making his way to the younger teen’s side. Yunho shrinks into his seat as JaeJoong bends down and reaches out to pinch his cheeks. “You know you’re too cute for me not to love you.”
And just like that, he feels as though half of the world has been lifted off from his shoulders as he jumps up from his seat and throws his arms over JaeJoong’s neck, clinging onto him because that’s what he really needs right now.
His best friend to accept him and hold him.
I sometimes wonder
Do you ever think,
When you’re all alone,
All the things we can be?
(Crush - David Archuleta)
It’s already been five months since he’s confessed to JaeJoong that he liked men. It’s late in April and he’s at his friend’s place for their usual Friday night hangout.
Yunho knows how touchy he and JaeJoong can get sometimes, but it wasn’t until recently when he started to wonder if JaeJoong was into men too or if he was just an open-minded person. He can never tell when it comes to his strange old hyung.
He hates to admit it but he enjoys the little caresses JaeJoong gives him every now and then, the soft kisses that are placed on to his forehead every time he rests his head on JaeJoong’s shoulder. The warm and bubbly feeling returns and it’s similar to the one he felt way back when he was in third grade. But it’s much stronger - so much stronger.
And when he finally looks (really looks) at his friend, he notices how attached he is to the older boy - how good they look together. He swallows the lump at the back of his throat.
He’s scared of rejection (who the fuck doesn’t) - doesn’t want to risk their friendship. So he keeps it to himself and hides his feelings for his hyung away.
And that’s how he searches and finds Michael Rin a couple of weeks (six weeks to be exact) later. He likes Michael - the older boy is really sweet and funny. Yunho actually does fall (becomes infatuated) for him, and while a little voice tells him he’s being ridiculously foolish, Yunho continues to be with the new boy.
No. He’s not desperate to find someone to love him. He just needs someone to distract him from his growing feelings toward his hyung - his best friend.
And I know it’s a lie,
What you’re keeping inside.
This is not how
You want it to be; is it?
(Wait For You - Elliott Yamin)
He hesitates at first but he approaches his best friend with small steps, another boy following behind him. “Hyung.”
JaeJoong slowly turns to face him as he drags his cigarette from his parted lips. Dark eyes shift from him to his boyfriend and then down to their linked hands. The odd expression on JaeJoong’s face makes Yunho stop, and he wonders if he is doing the right thing. Maybe JaeJoong is trying too hard to accept the real him. Why else would he look so…
“Is something wrong hyung?”
He receives no answer but a strange smile stretches across JaeJoong’s lips when he finally looks back up at Yunho. “I assume this is the boyfriend you were telling me about?”
Yunho nods as he tries to ignore the fact that JaeJoong didn’t answer his question. “This is Michael Rin. Mikey, this is my best friend, Kim JaeJoong.”
JaeJoong gives Michael a light head bow before turning his attention back to Yunho. They stare at each other, eyes locked for a few minutes until Michael lets out a soft cough.
Yunho opens his mouth but then closes them back up. He’s not sure what he should say - what else is there to say. And when JaeJoong finally walks towards them, he feels his breath caught in the back of his throat as JaeJoong leans and whispers into his ear,
“Be happy.”
Since the day you
Came into my life
I thought,
“Hey, you know this could be something.”
(Two is Better than One - Boys Like Girls Feat. Taylor Swift)
He still remembers meeting his best friend back in the old days - back in elementary school when they were only in third grade.
It was already mid-September (a month of the new school year had already passed by) and he was resting head on his desk, pretending to sleep like always because he finds education boring, when Mr. Swan returned from the principal’s office in long strides.
It’s the announcement about a new student that captures his attention and he slowly turns his head to look at the door, chin resting on top of his folded arms. A tall but skinny boy walks in and the little boy tilts his head to the side.
He swears he has seen this face before, the light brown eyes and spiked hair and the sun-kissed skin, but he can’t place his finger where. At least not until his teacher announces to the class, “Everyone this is Jung Yunho.”
And that’s when JaeJoong’s little mind clicked.
‘We use to play in the sandbox at the park together.’
And you’re the face
I can’t forget
(Over and Over - Sweetbox)
He is walking to the snack stand (it’s break at the moment) when he sees a glimpse of a flustered Yunho running and three older kids chasing after him. It pisses JaeJoong off at how unfair and stupid upper graders can be, and he sighs.
“Guess I’ll need to starve my fucken self today and wait ‘til it’s lunch,” he decides and walks into the direction where he had seen the four boys run off to.
And when he finally reaches his destination, he asks the pathetic boys why they can’t pick someone their own size. He laughs at them when they call him a little princess because he knows that their stupidity is what gets them into trouble.
And although he may have a pretty face, with long black hair that reached down his shoulders, JaeJoong knows that he can take the three fifth graders within minutes. He didn’t grow up with the tough kids for nothing.
He easily dodges their attacks before punching them in the guts and faces with his own fists. JaeJoong ends up with a large scratch across his collarbone, however, when one of the boys takes a rock and tries to hit his face with it. It’s when they all hear the principal and the teachers shout at them to stop that the three boys try to run away.
JaeJoong takes a step forward, hoping to get to Yunho’s side, when a teacher grabs him roughly by the arm. She doesn’t allow him to explain (not that he was going to anyways) and is about to drag him away to the principal’s office when Yunho quietly tells the teacher to let JaeJoong go.
It’s that very moment that something sparks between JaeJoong and Yunho, and JaeJoong knows for sure that this time Yunho knows him - remembers who he is.
You’re the mistake
That I make over and over again
(Over and Over - Sweetbox)
“I saw Mike with some other guy earlier this morning.”
He really hates moments like these (doesn’t like accusing people if he doesn’t see it for himself), but he tries to reason it out with JaeJoong. He knows that this topic is not worth to start a fight, but Yunho can feel the anger start to boil within his system. “Don’t do that Jae, you know that I don’t like it.”
The look on JaeJoong’s face doesn’t help either and when the older boy simply shrugs and says, “Suit yourself,” Yunho pushes him away, roughly.
He watches as JaeJoong trips over his footing, almost falling into the streets, but quickly regains his balance. A car rushes by and Yunho blinks before realizing what could have happened if JaeJoong had fell into the streets.
He rushes over to where JaeJoong is standing, a hand reaching forward to grab onto his best friend’s hand. “Hyung, I…” He starts but fails to finish.
JaeJoong slaps his hand away and walks in the opposite direction.
And you know I miss you
I even think about you
When you’re gone
(I Miss You - Darren Hayes)
Guilt eats him alive inside out and he tries to forget JaeJoong as he continues to be with the other boy. But as time passes, he can feel that he is starting to change - can feel that his relationship with Michael is changing. ‘Who do you think you are fooling with?’ The little voice returns and Yunho knows he has created a shit-hole for himself.
And it’s not until he sees Michael shoving his tongue down some other person’s throat that he storms towards him and tells him that it’s officially over.
He is mad, right down pissed, as he repeatedly presses JaeJoong’s doorbell. Sure, the entire time he was just forcing himself onto Michael (trying to forget whatever shitty pathetic feelings he has for his best friend) but that didn’t mean he liked cheating.
It’s been six straight months since he has had a real conversation with JaeJoong (since their little fight), and Yunho swears that he is going to go insane if he doesn’t talk to him soon.
He hears JaeJoong’s voice coming from the other side of the door. And when JaeJoong finally unlocks the door and flings it open, his eyes widen in surprise.
“I wasn’t expecting you here.” He steps aside to allow Yunho in and then closes the door behind them. “Is something-”
Yunho doesn’t let the older boy finish as he pulls JaeJoong into a tight hug and buries his face into the crook of his neck, hands clutching to the back of JaeJoong’s shirt. “I’m sorry,” he finally mutters out against JaeJoong’s skin, and he wonders what JaeJoong thinks of him now - wonders if JaeJoong still considers him as a friend. “So sorry.”
“Do it,” the older teen tells him while he wraps his arms around the taller boy in comfort.
And he cries.
And sometimes I wonder
If I should stay?
(Can’t Help Falling In Love - A.Teens)
“I haven’t seen you done this in a long time.”
It’s been a week since Yunho’s bad breakup, and he’s spending his time catching up on things with JaeJoong.
“That’s because you don’t visit me anymore.” The raven haired boy replies, smiling.
He smiles back, props his elbow onto JaeJoong’s bed, and rests his chin onto his palm as he watches JaeJoong make a fish out from the orange colored paper.
Yunho finds origami art fascinating - how someone can change a simple sheet of paper into a work of art by just folding, ripping, and folding the paper some more.
He doesn’t look like the kind of guy who would like to spend his time folding papers, but for years JaeJoong has never failed to amaze Yunho when it came to origami. He is always left in awe when he watches JaeJoong work his magic fingers, turning a simple white pearl sheet into a beautiful paper crane.
There are times, like now, where Yunho will grab (steal) some of JaeJoong’s paper (of course, only when the older boy is too preoccupied with his own art or other things) and try to make his own paper hearts and cranes. He fails at making them, however, because he can never remember the next step, whether if he is suppose to fold the corners in now or later.
And after long minutes (usually thirty to forty minutes) of thinking, Yunho will throw his arms into the air in frustration. “I hate this.”
“You’ll get use to it,” is what his best friend always says.
Or if I should go,
Because I want to follow you too
(I Miss You - Darren Hayes)
Will it be a sin?
(Can’t Help Falling In Love - A.Teens)
He is not patient but he is not one to give up so easily either. Yunho finds himself sitting on the floor, next to JaeJoong’s left leg, a few days later, trying to figure out how to make the paper stars JaeJoong has been teaching him.
“Stars are easy to make. You’ll probably enjoy making them once you get the hang of it.” JaeJoong tells him, eyes never leaving his soon to be paper lotus flower. “It’s pretty fun when you write little notes inside, fold them, and then open them up years later.”
Yunho only sighs when he looks at his flattened star. “How the fuck do you puff it out?”
JaeJoong finally turns his head to look down at Yunho. He chuckles at Yunho’s cute pout and takes the tiny paper from Yunho’s fingers. “Carefully pinch the corners in and try not to put pressure in the middle of the star - you’ll only make it flat again.”
He rests his chin on top of JaeJoong’s knee and watches in envy when JaeJoong easily makes his ugly and flattened paper into a cute star. The younger boy sighs again and nods as he takes another strip of paper and ties it.
Yunho continues to fold again and again until finally he is able to make his star. He smiles. It’s not as pretty or cute as JaeJoong’s but it’s his and he finally did it. His first start.
He grabs another strip and decides to practice some more, create some more.
And true to JaeJoong’s words, Yunho does get use to it.
I try to keep you
Off of my mind
And when I think
I’ll be alright,
I am always wrong
(My Hands - Leona Lewis)
He hates love - hates falling in love - but what can he really do? He is only human, after all.
It’s cheesy but he knows that he wants to give his first origami heart to Yunho as soon as he finishes it. Only a few more folds and he will be done. Junsu and his friends Changmin, Yoochun, and HyunJoong watches eagerly as he quickly tucks in the corner ends of the paper heart.
“Finished!” He shouts happily and the four other boys pounce onto him, cheering.
But the excitement is easily crushed away when his mother walks into the kitchen table and tells them about Yunho’s first girlfriend. “Did Yunnie tell you guys that he has a girlfriend? Abigail Riley? That girl is such a doll.”
It’s the first time Junsu sees his older brother cry himself to sleep that night.
And all those times,
The long wait,
When you weren’t mine
I still wish on the stars
As they fall from above
(I Still Believe - Hayden Panettiere)
It’s the same wish every year that he makes; the same wish he prays every night. And after a while, he loses faith on such birthday wishes and prayers and decides to make paper stars instead because of the annoying nursery rhyme Junsu keeps singing every now and then, “Star light, star bright. First start I see tonight. I wish I may, I wish I might. Have the wish I wish tonight.”
“It’s stupid,” he lectures himself, “this is stupid.” But as he continues making the paper stars, his hope grows and he believes that maybe one day, just one day, his wish will come true.
It’s not until he reaches his junior year that his boredom and creativity gets the best of him, and he finds himself with a pencil and a strip of paper one day.
“Just tell me you don’t love me. Tell me you don’t feel the way same way like I do.” (Juice Box - AJ Rafael) He writes his favorite part from a song onto the strip and smiles when he finishes.
It’s his first star with a message inside.
And when you walk into the room
Do you know? Do you know that,
You’re so, so hard to let go?
(Juice Box - AJ Rafael)
He’s a jerk; he knows that he is one for sure. The fact that he can’t stop or convey his feelings to his best friend just frustrates him to no end; he’s lost and confused. He wants the older boy to himself yet at the same time he knows nothing good would come out from it if he forces JaeJoong to give him a chance.
Look at what had happened last time.
“You’re so hard to let go,” Yunho writes neatly before folding the strip of paper into a star.
I really can’t explain this feeling
And I think about it every day
(Walk Away - Paula Deanda)
He really should be studying for his statistics exam (thank god he’s living on his own now or else) that is in two days but he finds himself at Junsu’s boyfriend’s, Kim HyunJoong, early graduation party (they’re graduating in four months). He doesn’t mind that JaeJoong had dragged him out to party - it’s just that he’s not the type to socialize with people he doesn’t know or aren’t close to.
Yunho watches as JaeJoong laughs with some random people he doesn’t know and it hurts somewhere deep inside. He doesn’t exactly have an answer as to why it hurts but it does. And when he sees the older teen kiss a random guy on the cheek, he angrily takes a cup Changmin (Junsu’s best friend, Park Yoochun’s boyfriend) offers, drinking it in hopes that the punch will wash away the bitter feeling.
He ends up spitting it afterwards, wiping away the remaining drops on his lips with the back of his hand. “What the fuck is this?”
“Punch,” Changmin simply says and Yunho glares at him. “Mixed with vodka.”
He knows that consequences would be damn if he does anything stupid because he’s not much of a drinker, and he knows that JaeJoong will give him a long never-ending lecture about him drinking alcohol but… ‘Who the fuck cares right now?’
He grabs an extra cup from the counter and makes his way through the crowded living room until he reaches the front door. Yunho finally lets out a relieving sigh when he feels the cool night breeze. He takes a quick glimpse at the cup before downing it. He does the same for the next one.
And then the next and the next.
So hard to find love like this
The chances are so far and few
(Be My Girl - JYJ)
It’s an accident, really, or so that’s what Yunho thinks as he clings onto JaeJoong, moaning quietly against the latter’s lips when he pushes him against the wall roughly. He can’t remembered what happened, doesn’t really give a fuck what happened, because his mind is too hazy - too fogged up - for him to focus.
It’s the way how JaeJoong kisses him (full of tongue, teeth, and wetness) that makes Yunho’s knees wobble and shake. He arches his back and neck, breaking the harsh kiss, when he feels a hand cup him in between his legs.
“Hyung,” he gasps out, threading his long fingers along JaeJoong’s hair and scalp as the older boy leans forward to bite the exposed skin. His breathing becomes more shallow and rough, and he feels slightly light-headed when JaeJoong suddenly drags him to a bedroom.
JaeJoong falls onto the bed first with Yunho tumbling after him, and for a few minutes they stay that way - Yunho hovering over JaeJoong with their lips inches apart from each others. Their breaths are irregular and mingled as they continue to stare into each others’ eyes.
It’s when he hears his name from JaeJoong lips that Yunho swallows and hesitatingly traces his fingertips over JaeJoong’s pale cheek. He moves his fingers down to caress his plump lips before leaning down to taste them once again.
He hears JaeJoong’s deep groan before he feels JaeJoong place his hands against his chest and pushes him away. He breaks the kiss, feeling confused and hurt, but before he can really make any complaints about it, JaeJoong straddles him and pins both of his arms against his head.
“Hyung,” despite the fact that he’s drunk, Yunho knows that he sounds desperate as he whispers and moans under his best friend’s touch. “Please, kiss me.”
And JaeJoong does - that’s all he does until he finally breaks away from their breathless kiss and says quietly,
“Go to sleep.”
And I get scared
Whenever I think about the possibilities
That you may not feel like this too
And I wonder
if I were gone today - tomorrow
Would you notice?
(Mi Noog - Sudden Rush English Version)
Yunho doesn’t remember what had happened, but he notices something’s wrong when JaeJoong doesn’t talk to him. It’s been four days since he had last seen JaeJoong and he wonders, ‘Did we fight again that night?’
He tries not to think too much about the topic as he gets up from his seat and walks out of the door. It’s lunch now but he doesn’t feel really hungry and slowly makes his way to their usual hangout. He hopes that today JaeJoong will be there.
He hates how vulnerable he can be when it comes to JaeJoong. He’s always left so opened, so exposed and naked, and he wonders how JaeJoong manages to make him feel like this - how only JaeJoong can make him feel like this.
And it makes him laugh (sometimes fucken pissed) when people assume that he would be the one dominating in this relationship (if there was really one anyways) because of his manlier features. But like what they all say, never judge a book by its cover.
It’s when he reaches the end of the hallway that he sees JaeJoong with a small glass jar in his hand filled with something he can’t really see.
“Happy birthday,” the older teen says with a smile on his face.
I know, but tell me,
Tell me, the truth.
He should be controlling his emotions and feelings, but he fails when the taller boy corners him that night.
He swears under his breath as he opens the door to Yunho’s apartment room. Stumbling in, he drops Yunho onto the couch and turns to close the door when the younger boy grabs the hem of his shirt. He turns around and wants to bitch at the idiot for drinking (Yunho can’t control his alcohol very well), but it’s the pained look on his face that makes his chest compress tightly. For a moment breathing becomes too much of a work to do.
JaeJoong looks away and pries Yunho’s fingers off the hem of his shirt before walking to the door. He closes the door and just as he is about to lock it, he feels a warm body pressed against his. A warm breath breathed against his neck.
“I love you.”
It’s hard not to fall for those words (words he has dreamed of since they were kids - back when they were in middle school) even though he knows that what Yunho is telling him is true. He prefers the boy to confess when he is sobered, and so he forces himself to reply, “You’re drunk, Yunho.”
The boy shakes his head repeatedly and buries his face into JaeJoong’s neck like a child would, hands clinging onto his shirt like always. “I love you, hyung. I really, really do.”
And just like that his emotions take over him completely as he grabs onto Yunho’s shoulders and pins him against the wall.
Are you holding back?
Like the way I do?
(Crush - David Archuleta)
“He was looking for you today, again.”
He winces at the harsh tone of his brother. They rarely argued but when Junsu was mad…
“Stop leading him on, JaeJoong.”
“Junsu, please, would you…”
“You’re being ridiculously stupid. Either you tell the guy that you love him, or you don’t and give him up. You think it’s too soon because of his recent breakup with that shit head Mike, but you know what? I think he’s waiting for you to tell him that you love him.
“I doubt he knows that you love him more than just a friend. Being your weird usual self, it’s hard to tell what the fuck you want. Hell, it even took me, your brother, two years JaeJoong, two fucken years, to understand what you really wanted.” Junsu gets up from where he was sitting and walks to their bedroom door. Before he leaves, he stops right in front of it. “Whatever, it’s your choice. Make your love life like a drama series or something, but don’t come sulking like a dead cow around me. It’s fucken annoying. And in case you’ve forgotten, which I doubt you would, his birthday is this Thursday.”
JaeJoong snorts and lies down on his bed. “Brat thinks he knows what he is saying.” He closes his eyes and smiles.
He has taught his baby brother well.
But we were both young
When I first saw you
(Love Story - Taylor Swift)
And what I’m trying to say…
“Paper stars?”
“Each one made full of love.”
He raises a brow at JaeJoong before pulling out the cork of the jar. He takes out a green star and eyes it carefully. “You wrote in them didn’t you?”
JaeJoong shrugs. “I don’t know. Did I?”
Yunho lets out a snort, continuing to eye the paper star from different angles.
“Just the green ones. The rest of the colors are blank.”
He smiles and begins to unfold one by one.
And it’s when he opens the last star that he feels his eyes begin to pool into tears.
What I’m trying to say is
You should be mine.
You should be my baby.
(Be My Girl - JYJ)
Since the day you
Came into my life
I thought,
“Hey, you know this could be something.”
I sometimes wonder
Do you ever think,
When you’re all alone,
All the things we can be?
Maybe we’re friends,
maybe we’re more.
I try to keep you
Off of my mind
And when I think
I’ll be alright,
I am always wrong
And you’re the face
I can’t forget
You’re the mistake
That I make over and over again
And when you walk into the room
Do you know? Do you know that,
You’re so, so hard to let go?
And you know I miss you
I even think about you
When you’re gone
And sometimes I wonder
If I should stay?
Or if I should go,
Because I want to follow you too
Will it be a sin?
And all those times,
The long wait,
When you weren’t mine
I still wish on the stars
As they fall from above
And I get scared
Whenever I think about the possibilities
That you may not feel like this too
And I wonder
if I were gone today - tomorrow
Would you notice?
I know, but tell me,
Tell me, the truth.
Are you holding back?
Like the way I do?
So hard to find love like this
The chances are so far and few.
I really can’t explain this feeling
And I think about it every day
And I know it’s a lie,
What you’re keeping inside.
This is not how
You want it to be; is it?
If you could only see
That I’m the one who understands you
I’ve been here all along
And I know what’s real
Can not be denied
Although it may hide,
For a while
But we were both young
When I first saw you
And what I’m trying to say…
What I’m trying to say is
You should be mine.
You should be my baby.
I love you
…………………………
Author’s Note: OH MY FUCKEN GOD. I finished it! I think I spent three fucken days doing nothing but this (yeah apparently I have no life of whatsoever at all), and I was complaining to my guy friend about how Miss JaeHo Paper Stars Plots won’t leave me the hell alone and … ;;
Well anyways, it wasn’t until recently (after finishing Hosting Hours by ppeogi and a few other fics) that I realized I’ve missed the JaeHo/YJ pairing so much I’m JaeHo deprived. I think it’s good for me to have this ridiculous love-hate relationship with them however. It’s annoying (I always argue with Mr. JaeHo-muse and yes he’s different from Miss Plots), but it gives me time to appreciate how much they really mean to me.
There also seems to be a lack of JaeHo stories (or maybe it’s just me and my lazinesspickiness that I can’t find any) so Mr. JaeHo-muse decided to force me to write something. And if you're wondering how JaeHo they look like here, imagine high school JaeJoong with his recent hot handsome gorgeous haircut and Yunho back in the ancient days with his cute spiky hair.
Technically the plot was made for YooMin, but because I realized I wanted to make this into a happy ending, I (along with Mr. JaeHo-Muse) kicked YooMin away and put JaeHo instead - and I prefer happy drabbles for YooMin.
And I don’t know if I confused anybody but the JaeJoong’s parts are separated between “paper stars” and the mixed lyrics I put together (in each little part and at the end) is what JaeJoong wrote inside the stars. Each line or two is for a new star - if that’s how you want to look at it. And I know the lyrics are not exactly like what I have and well that’s because I needed to change it in order to make everything work and flow together.
I hope you enjoyed this :] because I had fun well it was a pain in the ass because of Miss Plots writing this.
Comments are highly appreciated. :]