On the wagon, and other things...
Howdy vast and endless void of ones and zeros, how the hell are ya?
This is day four of not drinking and I feel awesome (I think), my sweet tooth has come back (to some sort of monster-like desire) and I feel like I'm eating a lot more (making up for the lack of beer I suppose.) I never really realized how much I actually drank until now. It's strange not having a PBR next to my computer or a couple tall cans in the fridge, let alone a bottle of wine under my desk, sitting in wait like some stealth black-ops mercenary awaiting my eventual glug-glug of forced inspiration. I know it took a fucked up near death experience to get to this point, it should have only taken self constraint not some sick twist of fate mixed with my own arrogance and foolishness. Who was I to drive like that? I can only thank god or jah or allah or whoever I didn't hurt anybody, or myself for that matter. I walked away from something that would have crushed an average human, but I am not average, and this isn't my ego talking, this is the honest to-whomever truth. I should be afraid to drive, let alone be in a car, but just a few days later I can already drive (even on the freeway) with no panic attacks, it's almost like it never happened (other than the deployed airbags and crack in the windshield).
I'm thinking not drinking has given me back a lot of self-respect and courage (yeah, I'm only on the fourth day and I'm sure after another week I'll feel a lot better, but still...) that I haven't felt since over a year ago when I threw myself face first into a bottle and only just last Saturday found the bottom. It was high time I stopped blaming my bad luck on lost love and broken promises, fuck that mess. My mind and body moved on but my heart (wow, cheesy) stayed behind to ponder and wonder and worry and turn me into this wreck of a human shell that you see before you. I once was lost, but now I've found that being lost is home, therefore I can't be lost. Deep huh? Right...
That's all for now boys and girls, all I wish to muster at this point in time, tune in next time for more thrilling adventures of JOSH!
This is day four of not drinking and I feel awesome (I think), my sweet tooth has come back (to some sort of monster-like desire) and I feel like I'm eating a lot more (making up for the lack of beer I suppose.) I never really realized how much I actually drank until now. It's strange not having a PBR next to my computer or a couple tall cans in the fridge, let alone a bottle of wine under my desk, sitting in wait like some stealth black-ops mercenary awaiting my eventual glug-glug of forced inspiration. I know it took a fucked up near death experience to get to this point, it should have only taken self constraint not some sick twist of fate mixed with my own arrogance and foolishness. Who was I to drive like that? I can only thank god or jah or allah or whoever I didn't hurt anybody, or myself for that matter. I walked away from something that would have crushed an average human, but I am not average, and this isn't my ego talking, this is the honest to-whomever truth. I should be afraid to drive, let alone be in a car, but just a few days later I can already drive (even on the freeway) with no panic attacks, it's almost like it never happened (other than the deployed airbags and crack in the windshield).
I'm thinking not drinking has given me back a lot of self-respect and courage (yeah, I'm only on the fourth day and I'm sure after another week I'll feel a lot better, but still...) that I haven't felt since over a year ago when I threw myself face first into a bottle and only just last Saturday found the bottom. It was high time I stopped blaming my bad luck on lost love and broken promises, fuck that mess. My mind and body moved on but my heart (wow, cheesy) stayed behind to ponder and wonder and worry and turn me into this wreck of a human shell that you see before you. I once was lost, but now I've found that being lost is home, therefore I can't be lost. Deep huh? Right...
That's all for now boys and girls, all I wish to muster at this point in time, tune in next time for more thrilling adventures of JOSH!