about leaving everything behind, everything i know, everything i love. it's about turning into worm food, about the fact that i've been trying to fool myself all my life into believing that something more exists than this life right here and now.
it's about never seeing jesse again, about knowing finally that my life is completely meaningless.
So fear of separation, and of the unknown, perhaps fear of not having access to love. Maybe you've been trying to fool yourself into believing that there's *not* something more. If there isn't, if your consciousness doesn't continue you won't be aware of missing anyone and you won't be aware of your body changing form. And if consciousness does continue, you may find love and comfort and connectedness anyway and your consciousness wont be attached to your body experiencing the worm food affect. Death is no guarantee either that you won't continue to see and know Jesse. How could the passage of death convince you of meaninglessness? Do you have meaning now?
I meant to answer what you wrote here a long time ago, but my life went out of control, and the questions are hard for me.
the fear is more about not existing than anything else. My fear makes sense, even though it doesn't make sense. Of course I understand that I won't be aware of everything I've lost if my consciousness is gone.
The meaning I have in my life is contextual, and is the meaning I find in it. That changes from time to time, you know? If I am not here to apply context, the meaning is gone.
But you know what, Noelle? I think I am normal. I think my fear is shared by a lot of people. And there is an instinctual drive to remain alive. it is IN us to strive for life. I am not aware of a single animal that doesn't struggle to remain alive. We struggle to remain alive in the here and now as individual beings, and we struggle to remain alive by squirting out babies.
Also to say that I have this fear since I was a child of 6 or 7…it has always been with me.
I understand. I don't believe life ends so what's left is the body's desire to preserve itself and my desire not to be separated from those I love and a wish not to cause pain. Otherwise I think one day I'll be glad to go.
This was the time frame, though, that my mother was taking me to sunday school. At that point my thinking got critical…like, doubtful and I stopped trusting anything. The pastor told my mother he had never seen somebody my age asking these kinds of questions. He was still young at the time, though, LOL!!
I found this (without even looking for it) in the past couple days and of course I thought of you. There a kindle and a paper edition. I'm reading it already. I've already read multiple books on the subject, I know things by Raymond Moody and Elizabeth Kubler-Ross are available. Others too. Maybe it'll do you some good? :)
The kindle version should be available and I think Amazon has a kindle reader you can download for free. Or I can lend you my kindle copy. The story is that's possible. Dating? I ignore the thing mostly but there is one someone I might meet with. Met a lady last night that kinda blew me away. But I'm not interested in pushing for anything, no good relation in my life ever came about that way.
i don't have a kindle! I need to wait for the paper.
Yay for the woman you met last night! Did you leave it that you'd see each other again some time? I understand the pushy-thing. being pushed does suck, huh?
What I'm saying is that they have a program that will allow you to read the book on your pc (or Mac too I think).
No we didn't make arrangements. I only just met her. The dating site had nothing to do with it. I did find her on Facebook last night though and friended her. Whatever happens I'm glad to have met her. She was very kind to me. I don't like to push. It feels wrong.
ok, that did not make sense.
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it's about never seeing jesse again, about knowing finally that my life is completely meaningless.
something like that.
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Maybe you've been trying to fool yourself into believing that there's *not* something more.
If there isn't, if your consciousness doesn't continue you won't be aware of missing anyone and you won't be aware of your body changing form.
And if consciousness does continue, you may find love and comfort and connectedness anyway and your consciousness wont be attached to your body experiencing the worm food affect. Death is no guarantee either that you won't continue to see and know Jesse.
How could the passage of death convince you of meaninglessness?
Do you have meaning now?
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the fear is more about not existing than anything else. My fear makes sense, even though it doesn't make sense. Of course I understand that I won't be aware of everything I've lost if my consciousness is gone.
The meaning I have in my life is contextual, and is the meaning I find in it. That changes from time to time, you know? If I am not here to apply context, the meaning is gone.
But you know what, Noelle? I think I am normal. I think my fear is shared by a lot of people. And there is an instinctual drive to remain alive. it is IN us to strive for life. I am not aware of a single animal that doesn't struggle to remain alive. We struggle to remain alive in the here and now as individual beings, and we struggle to remain alive by squirting out babies.
Also to say that I have this fear since I was a child of 6 or 7…it has always been with me.
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This was the time frame, though, that my mother was taking me to sunday school. At that point my thinking got critical…like, doubtful and I stopped trusting anything. The pastor told my mother he had never seen somebody my age asking these kinds of questions. He was still young at the time, though, LOL!!
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There is a fair as bit of dying in that bible thing...
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I found this (without even looking for it) in the past couple days and of course I thought of you. There a kindle and a paper edition. I'm reading it already.
I've already read multiple books on the subject, I know things by Raymond Moody and Elizabeth Kubler-Ross are available. Others too.
Maybe it'll do you some good?
:)
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hey, what is going on with your dating site?
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Dating? I ignore the thing mostly but there is one someone I might meet with.
Met a lady last night that kinda blew me away. But I'm not interested in pushing for anything, no good relation in my life ever came about that way.
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Yay for the woman you met last night! Did you leave it that you'd see each other again some time? I understand the pushy-thing. being pushed does suck, huh?
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No we didn't make arrangements. I only just met her. The dating site had nothing to do with it. I did find her on Facebook last night though and friended her.
Whatever happens I'm glad to have met her. She was very kind to me.
I don't like to push. It feels wrong.
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