Caelen
A Mother's Wish
From the moment I knew I was pregnant with both of my children, I knew what I wanted for them; what I hoped for them. It was simple: I wanted happy, healthy children. Ten fingers, ten toes, you know the deal. During each pregnancy, I avoided things I knew would be bad for my unborn bundle of joy. i didn't drink alcohol, I didn't smoke, I didn't eat fish. I rejoiced at each birth, when the child was pronounced healthy. I love watching them grow and change and learn.
It's heartbreaking to watch Caelen and know that he is different. That is not to say that I treat him differently or love him any less. In a way, I feel like I failed him. Intellectually, I know that is not the case; his disorder is not my fault, nor could I have done anything differently to change this outcome. Deep down, I know this truth. All I ever wanted for him was for him to be normal and to learn and play and have fun and enjoy life. Of course, this may still be possible; we all may have to work harder to obtain it, and I am more than willing to take what steps are needed to help him live a normal life.
All I want to do is protect my children; this possible diagnosis is heartbreaking for me. That is not to say that I am laying down and giving up. I'm not, and I won't allow Caelen to. This is just a way for me to process and verbalize what is going on so that I can deal with it and move on.
From the moment I knew I was pregnant with both of my children, I knew what I wanted for them; what I hoped for them. It was simple: I wanted happy, healthy children. Ten fingers, ten toes, you know the deal. During each pregnancy, I avoided things I knew would be bad for my unborn bundle of joy. i didn't drink alcohol, I didn't smoke, I didn't eat fish. I rejoiced at each birth, when the child was pronounced healthy. I love watching them grow and change and learn.
It's heartbreaking to watch Caelen and know that he is different. That is not to say that I treat him differently or love him any less. In a way, I feel like I failed him. Intellectually, I know that is not the case; his disorder is not my fault, nor could I have done anything differently to change this outcome. Deep down, I know this truth. All I ever wanted for him was for him to be normal and to learn and play and have fun and enjoy life. Of course, this may still be possible; we all may have to work harder to obtain it, and I am more than willing to take what steps are needed to help him live a normal life.
All I want to do is protect my children; this possible diagnosis is heartbreaking for me. That is not to say that I am laying down and giving up. I'm not, and I won't allow Caelen to. This is just a way for me to process and verbalize what is going on so that I can deal with it and move on.