Bull Bar, White People and a Wanna Be Carlton Lookin MF
Last night I went to Ladies' Night at Bull Bar in Delray. I wore my new Old Navy dress that gives me car wreck cleavage. (Car Wreck Cleavage is a term I use to describe cleavage when it's gracious aplenty.) I think I'm looking cute, my hair is super curly, I've got dangly earrings on, I've got the soft glow of well lotioned skin, I SHAVED, and I'm feeling right, like tonight I'm going to get attention. Mel,Lainie,and I walk in and get dubbed "The Gatsby Girls". ( Last time I checked The Great Gatsby was not real big on characters of color, nor of larger stature, or of extremely strong willed females. If anyone can please explain the term, "Gatsby Girls" I would love to hear it! ) So I'm taken aback from this new thing and it takes me a minute to put my focus back on what the night is really about for me, people watching.
It's fairly early, 9:30pm, and the place is not quite standing room only. The band, Panic Disorder, is celebrating the Bass player's birthday, Don was the big 23 yesterday, and he was already buzzed. We strut over to the table that is reserved for the girlfriends of the band and their friends and sit. We get drinks- one up to ME and Z for putting a sista on to orange vodka and tonic- and I start to watch.
There is something about watching white people dance. IT'S FUNNY. A group of drunk white chicks catches my eye, they are hovering over a male, right at the entrance of the bar. From the laughter and the body language, 5 of the 7 of them are super interested but don't know how to establish dominance over the rest of the flock to get them to back off. ( At this point I can hear my really awful fake Australian accent coming into my thoughts, like my inner crocodile huntress was running commentary on the what was going on in the corner. )
Suddenly we have a break away and 3 females attempt to swivel their hips to the new song that's playing, and I finally see what was so interesting. It was a little black man, not even 5 feet tall, not even weighing a buck, sitting on the bar stool swinging his feet. He had to jump to get off the stool! (No, he wasn't a "little person"- he was just short.) He was wearing a pink and blue stripped button down shirt, tucked in to his dockers. His belt and loafers were brown and polished to a high sheen and his facial hair and Cesar where flawless. He was a fine specimen of a Wanna Be Carlton MF. ( If he had another 6-12 inches he would have been fine though.)
I watched the WBCMF in his alternative surroundings. Suddenly you see him pick up a sent. I watch him slowly work his eyes from the back of the bar to the front of the bar looking for whatever it is that his spidy sense has picked up. And he spots it, the lovely gorgeous, voluptuous black female with the hella cleavage and the entourage of Umpalumpas. (Yes, all this is said in the awful accent, and yes, I called them Umpalumpas- like in Willy Wonka and the Chocloate Factory. Both Lainie and Mel are short and they both are into tanning- occasionally they do look orange.) So, Dude sees me, we make eye contact and I being the friendly person that I am, do the friendly nod, not the I'm intrested nod, just the friendly nod, like, I see you nod. He is still staring me dead in the eye, turns around and hops back up on the bar stool and once again goes into hiding with the remaining ladies from his harem of drunk white chicks. ( Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen, we had just witnessed the highly uncommon Wanna Be Carlton MF at his best, and he managed to dis me and my nod in the process.)
The night for the most part was pretty uneventful after that. I danced, I sang, I joked on the girls, and the band. We walked down to another Bar, Buster's, and had a drink with one of Mel's friends. He and I bantered something terrible, dropping our knowledge on sex terms, such as "Angry Beaver", "Rimming", "The LOOK" and his personal favorite "The Motor Boat". (Of course I have more terms than this man of 36 years of age, I've done my reading and I like to go to fetish parties.) After that we hop in the car and go home.
Please Join us next week for another installment and see what we find next time at the Bull Bar.
D