Snow Queen, thoughts on eps 9-13: thoughts as I watch with mad pauses for typing
I am watching ep 9 of Snow Queen right now (after rewatching certain bits of DGCH repeatedly earlier) and OMG so good! He is falling apart on finding out who Bo Ra really is and then OMG OMG OMG hurt/comfort!!! Because he didn't show up for work and she is so worried (so not like her) and she finds him passed out in the gym, and there she is in her design outfit and expensive shoes, sponging his face, and her hands are shaking, and he is borderline delirious and she gets up to change the water and he holds her hand and whispers 'Don't go' because his usual barriers are worn down by grief and illness and eeeeeee! And she calls Geon Soo because he's a doctor (and reassures TW even though he is out of it, thus not worried, it's reassuring herself) and she doesn't care what it looks like and her appearance doesn't matter, and the fact that she trips carrying the basin doesn't matter (she falls and just picks herself up, feverishly active), and you can see the shock for GS as he finds her frantically scrubbing cloth. And she tells Geon Soo she won't go back with him but stay to take care of TW. EEEEEE!
And then I finished episode 9 of Snow Queen.
Only one word could describe the awesomeness: WOW.
I love how TW takes Bo Ra to meet his mother because he promised he'd take the girl he loves to his Mom. And Bo Ra doesn't know it. And they are awesome and adorable and she doesn't realize it's his good-bye to her.
And then he quits. And he talks to his doctor female friend and I love how when she asks him what he'll do if Bo Ra likes him, he is so startled like it never even occured to him she could. Oh, poor guy. He has no self-worth when it comes to him being loveable, does he? And it's heartbreaking, him walking down the street and thinking, what will he do if that is the case. He is so young.
And OMG OMG Bo Ra finds out he quit. And she comes to the gym and he is all curt (because he's trying to push her away) but she tells him to stop. And she tells him 'I...like you.'
OMG OMG OMG. Proud imperious Bo Ra being so vulnerable, putting herself out like that. And he stops dead and goes 'you shouldn't joke about that' because he still can't believe. And she walks up (because he's still frozen) and she hugs him tightly, from behind, and OMG OMG OMG...Hyun Bin is so expressive...his face. It's like he is even afraid to breathe in case this disappears and it's everything he's wanted before he even knew what he wanted. And OMG...he looks like he is utterly immobile. And she whispers "My Kay...is you.'
OMG OMG OMG
And in the previews you see him try to push her away even though he is mad for her and loves her with every molecule in his body because he doesn't want her to find out who he really is and thus for her to get more grief. OMG OMG.
I am in the middle of ep 10 of Snow Queen and must pause for a minute or else I'll hyperventilate to death.
Wow. Wow. She runs out because people come in and he follows and she tells him she didn't mean to say it then, but she means the feelings.
OMG.
And she is horrified at her 'boldness' and I love how when she gets home she is hiding under a blanket. So irrational, so true.
And poor TW. Poor poor boy. This is everything he's ever wanted but he knows he can't. He is trying to convince himself she doesn't really mean it, that she is confusing her sisterly feelings or that it's a rebound from Geon-Woo, because in part it's his feeling of unworthiness: he can't believe she can love someone like him (as he tells his friend, he is not a nice person his friend thinks he is. All this guilt, which he sholdn't feel, is eating him alive). But in part it's because then he won't be confronted with the fact that he has to push away the happiness he could have had, everything he wanted (because if her feelings aren't true, then he hasn't lost happiness, in pushing her away). And he tells her that it's her sibling-type feelings, rebound etc etc.
But oh poor guy. She tells him it's not that she is comfy with him: she isn't and her heart pounds when she sees him. She tells him her feelings are true. And you know, part of him realizes even then that now he has no way out but to push her away and part of the reason he was trying to haide behind 'this is illusion' is because he isn't sure he has the strength to push her away.
And there he is, pounding the punching bag, thinking of her words to him and who she is and what her father said and oh, poor darling! And then he has a convo with his Mom and breaks my heart because he tells Mom that 'Bo Ra told me she likes me' and he is so near tears and he says he knows it would be really hard on them both, but he really really loves her so he really wants to accept her feelings even though he knows he shouldn't. Poor guy, you are entitled to some happiness, you shouldn't have to negate yourself and atone for a sin you are not guilty of!
And his Mom tells him to tell Bo Ra everything and if after that she still wants to date him, then date her. But she says it would cause Bo Ra pain and she knows he can't bear to see her in pain and OMG OMG OMG. I know. He is going to push her away for her own good even if it kills him and oh no!!!!
It breaks my heart how he was telling Seung-Ri that he can't be with Bo Ra because it will be too hard for her, as if trying to convince himself, because he so has to kill his heart in order to let her go.
I wonder if he'd be as willing to let her go, and not to 'selfishly' fight for her, if he didn't feel like he doesn't deserve happiness: if his friend isn't living neither should he, not really. That is what he feels.
I have just finished episode 11 of Snow Queen. How come it gets better and better? And I am a little in love with both Hyun Bin and Sung Yuri for being able to convey so much with barely any change in expression. And I continue to be amazed by the 'purity' of the light this is filmed in.
Oh. Oh. OH.
Poor TW. And poor Bo Ra. My heart breaks for them both because throughout the two eps, he is trying to push her away so hard but it's killing him more than it's killing her.
I want to take him by the shoulders and shake him and tell him 'How in the world is it your falt your friend killed himself? Were you supposed to lose a math competition on purpose so your friend (who you had no indication was idiot enough to kill himself over something like that) would win? And hey, it's not like he placed second, he wouldn't have won anyway. And were you supposed to stay quiet when he was yelling horrible things at you, and once again, how would you know he'd be moron enough to kill himself?'
But yes, she confesses her feelings again and he keeps pushing her away again. He really looks like he wants to die when he tells her that the only reason he was nice to her was because he felt sorry for her. And when she asks about the kiss, and he has to tell her he can kiss her without loving her and 'do you want me to kiss you now?' And the thing is, he is trying to be as gentle as he can (you see him lamenting to his confused friend that he wasn't harsh enough) because it's like tearing his own heart out, but she keeps coming after him (because OMG her love is as true and pure as his own, and she's really matured) and so he has to tell her things like the above or that he has never liked her fora second. She asks him that straight out so he has no choice and he looks so tormented.
But the thing is, I want to smack him, but at the same time to make it all better: because it's killing him. His hands are always clenched into fists, nails digging in, and after one confrontation, the way he is leaning on the wall makes me think that if it wasn't there, he'd collapse in a heap, unable to stand.
And the thing, he can't help but slip up: he loves her so much, he cannot help it. The hungry look on his face when he is talking to the President and President takes the phone call from the housekeeper and asks how Bo Ra is feeling...he is drinking it in. And he must be feeling awful: he is all about protecting her and taking care of her but now she is sick and it's his fault. Of course, he thinks he is doing it to protect her from greater harm (but I think a part of it is his fear to finally live, live fully, too because he'd feel guilty he is happy with Jang-Gyu's sister).
And OMG, he can't help it: the scene that really killed me is when Bo Ra came to find TW's Mom and Mom was harsh to her (to drive her away) and Bo Ra stumbled out, crying but but but TW overheard it...and his face. No wonder his Mother flips...he looks like he's seen his own death and he is utterly out of it and all he says is 'I can't le her go like this...she'll keep on crying' and he shrugs off his Mom's arm as if he doesn't really notice it there. And he walks after her, devouring her with his eyes, and you see it's killing im every time he sees her sob. And he almost touches her. EEEE!
Or the way he looks at her window or stands outside her gate various days. Or the way he remembers their bus ride (and so does she). Or the scene that is just...during theboxing match. When he sees her and he just keeps getting pummelled as I think some sort of expiation but also because he doesn't want turn his face away from her.
And I love it when they meet and he grabs her by the arm (finally) and tells her she doesn't have to leave, he'll leave instead and she is being so grown-up and tells him she's been miserable and cried because of him, but she's also never laughed so much and never been so happy so she isn't sorry she liked him and thank you. And walks away and he is frozen. And then he is drinking drinking drinking and all he is remembering is telling her he nevered cared for her.
OMG. Poor TW. Poor Bo Ra.
But things are heading towards some sort of crisis because Geon-Woo just found out TW and Deuk Gu are one and the same person (and TW admitted to it) and Bo Ra expressed an interest in meeting TW and her Dad told her it's TW's fault her brother is dead.
Did I mention that I love how TW is resuming his studies? Or that he told his school friend (who's cute too, btw) that he wants to stay Deuk Gu for a bit longer because then it means he can like Bo Ra.
EEEE!!!
I just finished ep 13 of Snow Queen. Can I pretend this is how ends? Pretty please.
It would be perfect.
In ep 12 Bo-Ra finds out Tae-Woong is Tae-Woong. OMG OMG. And all these painful, but quiet scenes follow. My favorite is when he is taking her home and her head is on his shoulder.
And the whole interlude culminates in the scene in the bleachers in his old school. That just kills me. Because he tells her how his friend died (and the both know they are talking about her brother) and how then he met this girl and 'for the first time I wanted to be happy. I wanted to tell her 'you look beautiful when you smile. I love you' and they are sitting side by side and it's all so sad and basically he is saying how they can't be together because it would hurt her. And she starts walking away and OMG OMG he runs after her and hugs her from behind. And his eyes are so anguished and he tells her 'Please hate me' OMG OMG OMG and he tells her he wants her to hate him because that would be easier for her and I just die at how amazingly unselfish he is...how he is willing to destroy himself so she'd have peace of mind. I was crying. And she turns around and says 'Fine, I'll hate you' and runs off. OMG. He was begging her to hate him. And the hug...I love how he was unable to stop from touching her.
And then later he tells Geon-Woo he is OK but he is falling apart, remembering her telling him she'll hate him. It's like he thinks he's unworthy of worry and care (I love how various people point out he lives 'like a sinner') and because he is so focused on her pain, he cannot woory about his.
And speaking of pain? Bo-Ra's Dad. Is a pain. I understand his feelings on finding who Tae-Woong is. I do. But Bo-Ra is right, he is trying to hide his feeling that it really wasn't anyone's fault but Jang-Gyu's that he killed himself. Yes, it was everyone's fault a little: Dad pushed him to study, Mom left, Bo-Ra was sick and not much of a companion and Tae-Woong was more brilliant than him, but ultimately none of these actions were malicious or would have led a normal person to do anything like suicide. And Bo-Ra's Dad wants to blame Tae-Woong because a part of him believes that he himself is responsible for his son's death.
So we get that painful scene in the Chairman's office. When Tae-Woong says he truly loves Bo-Ra. And he is kneeling. And Bo-Ra comes in (she escaped house arrest with Geon-Woo's help) because she is so focused on not having TW hurt. And she basically lays out the above paragraph for her Dad and gets slapped and runs out and TW runs after her, and I love the scene where she confronts him in the lobby telling him, it's not his fault Jang-Gyu died, so why does he act like a sinner and his simple reply breaks my heart: 'I am alive.' Oh. oh OH. He has survivor's guilt. OMG. Poor kid.
And she decides to leave the country because her Dad was pushing TW to leave and she knew TW would feel guilty and leave and she wants to spare him that.
(This is sort of out of order, btw, but I love the scene on bball court (way earlier than any of the above but after the bleachers scene). Where she sees him playing and comes up and is all 'I hate myself because I am so happy to see your face' and asks if he was waiting for her. And OMG OMG. He kneels because she is crying and tells her he promises to not come look for her any more and to forget her. He is sorry that his first promise to her is to forget her, but he'll try his best.' And they walk home, holding hands....*dies*
OK, anyway, back to the stuff after the scene with Dad. I love how Seung-Ri (who seems to be set up to hook up with the salesman friend of TW, yay!) gives him his Christmas present. She leads him to a Church and says to walk in and she'll be in a little later, and he walks into an almost empty church, with a chorus singing. And then a girl walks in and he goes 'Seung-ri' and OMG OMG OMG OMG. It's Bo-Ra. And the way he looks at her makes me cry. He thought he'd never see her again! And he just keeps looking, devouring with eyes, unable to turn away. And they sit like that.
And then they walk out and she says SR said it's SR's Xmas present to her oppa, for them to meet like this, and she wasn't going to come but then she did because it's their first Xmas together, but also their last. And she asks him if he has a present for her but he is still just stunned...And she smiles and says she has two.
And she gets out a box, and there is the flower he gave her that she kept all this time and he told her 'always be happy' and she tells him the same thing.
And then she tells him, it wasn't his fault Jang-Gyu died and she and her father just miss Jang-Gyu that is why they were like that and it's not his fault. And this is so something he needed to hear. I think that is why it's so important Bo-Ra is Jang-Gyu's sister. That is the only way he could get absolution for himself (not that I think he needs it, but he clearly does), to hear something like this from his family, to have JG's sister love him, knowing the entire truth. If Bo-Ra was some random girl he'd be happy with her but there'd still be some guilt somewhere in him.
She tells him about leaving the country and how he shouldn't etc etc. And then she says she has a second gift. And she walks up, close, closer, until she is right against him, and she leans up and kisses him!!!!!!! And di I mention that though she is in really high-heeled boots, she still has to stand on her tiptoes and barely reaches. OMG OMG OMG OMG. That is such a kink of mine!!!!
And then the end of ep 13 is the best thing ever. Because OMG. OMG. OMG. After everything, he went to the amusement park they went to as kids and he paged her about it on her old pager. And of course, it was a bit of fancy, because he didn't even know she still had thr pager and plus she was supposed to be on the plane out of the country. And OMG, he is standing there and thinking 'You left and I am sorry, I didn't even go say good-bye, but if I went, I'd never be able to let you go.' And he says 'I love you.' And then it's like floodgates and he is repeating 'I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you' over and over. And he just spent the whole day at the park. And then it's closing and he is leaving.
And let me say, I just love how SQ shows how it's so hard for him to self-sacrificial, and it shows how much he loves her that even after he's spent years negating himself and his wishes, he can barely control himself himself when it comes to her.
And then then then THEN! As he is leaving...she is there! With her carry-on bag and she didn't get on the plane and she tells him 'idiot, you don't have a cellphone, I had to search the whole park for you' and the look on his face. And they do the whole 'I told you I'll tell you my name when we meet again' and she says 'I am Kim Bo-Ra' and he says 'I am Han Tae-Woong' (and OMG OMG OMG he's accepted his real name and that means he's accepted himself and he can move forward and live his life. I know he did earlier when he wrote his real name on his dissertation but still...this is the first time he's introduced himself that way. Sidenote, I want to mention how much I loved the scene where he taught the grad seminar or had his dissertation submitted. He really loves doing math: it's something he really enjoys. Denying it to himself all these years was a huge sacrifice).
And he tells her if she takes his hand this time he won't ever let go and things will be hard for her (*smacks Bo-Ra's Dad. I understand him, I really do, but still...*) and they are smiling and OMG. OMG! They hold hands.
I am so glad they finally decided to be 'selfish' because they reached the limits of their endurance. And she has grown up and he is at peace and OMG OMG.
I am so tempted to pretend this is how it ends. I don't want to watch the last three ep. Don't want Don't want.
And now I might take a break to watch the first subbed ep of The Devil. Joo Ji-Hoon as evil. In suits. Oh YEAH.
And then I finished episode 9 of Snow Queen.
Only one word could describe the awesomeness: WOW.
I love how TW takes Bo Ra to meet his mother because he promised he'd take the girl he loves to his Mom. And Bo Ra doesn't know it. And they are awesome and adorable and she doesn't realize it's his good-bye to her.
And then he quits. And he talks to his doctor female friend and I love how when she asks him what he'll do if Bo Ra likes him, he is so startled like it never even occured to him she could. Oh, poor guy. He has no self-worth when it comes to him being loveable, does he? And it's heartbreaking, him walking down the street and thinking, what will he do if that is the case. He is so young.
And OMG OMG Bo Ra finds out he quit. And she comes to the gym and he is all curt (because he's trying to push her away) but she tells him to stop. And she tells him 'I...like you.'
OMG OMG OMG. Proud imperious Bo Ra being so vulnerable, putting herself out like that. And he stops dead and goes 'you shouldn't joke about that' because he still can't believe. And she walks up (because he's still frozen) and she hugs him tightly, from behind, and OMG OMG OMG...Hyun Bin is so expressive...his face. It's like he is even afraid to breathe in case this disappears and it's everything he's wanted before he even knew what he wanted. And OMG...he looks like he is utterly immobile. And she whispers "My Kay...is you.'
OMG OMG OMG
And in the previews you see him try to push her away even though he is mad for her and loves her with every molecule in his body because he doesn't want her to find out who he really is and thus for her to get more grief. OMG OMG.
I am in the middle of ep 10 of Snow Queen and must pause for a minute or else I'll hyperventilate to death.
Wow. Wow. She runs out because people come in and he follows and she tells him she didn't mean to say it then, but she means the feelings.
OMG.
And she is horrified at her 'boldness' and I love how when she gets home she is hiding under a blanket. So irrational, so true.
And poor TW. Poor poor boy. This is everything he's ever wanted but he knows he can't. He is trying to convince himself she doesn't really mean it, that she is confusing her sisterly feelings or that it's a rebound from Geon-Woo, because in part it's his feeling of unworthiness: he can't believe she can love someone like him (as he tells his friend, he is not a nice person his friend thinks he is. All this guilt, which he sholdn't feel, is eating him alive). But in part it's because then he won't be confronted with the fact that he has to push away the happiness he could have had, everything he wanted (because if her feelings aren't true, then he hasn't lost happiness, in pushing her away). And he tells her that it's her sibling-type feelings, rebound etc etc.
But oh poor guy. She tells him it's not that she is comfy with him: she isn't and her heart pounds when she sees him. She tells him her feelings are true. And you know, part of him realizes even then that now he has no way out but to push her away and part of the reason he was trying to haide behind 'this is illusion' is because he isn't sure he has the strength to push her away.
And there he is, pounding the punching bag, thinking of her words to him and who she is and what her father said and oh, poor darling! And then he has a convo with his Mom and breaks my heart because he tells Mom that 'Bo Ra told me she likes me' and he is so near tears and he says he knows it would be really hard on them both, but he really really loves her so he really wants to accept her feelings even though he knows he shouldn't. Poor guy, you are entitled to some happiness, you shouldn't have to negate yourself and atone for a sin you are not guilty of!
And his Mom tells him to tell Bo Ra everything and if after that she still wants to date him, then date her. But she says it would cause Bo Ra pain and she knows he can't bear to see her in pain and OMG OMG OMG. I know. He is going to push her away for her own good even if it kills him and oh no!!!!
It breaks my heart how he was telling Seung-Ri that he can't be with Bo Ra because it will be too hard for her, as if trying to convince himself, because he so has to kill his heart in order to let her go.
I wonder if he'd be as willing to let her go, and not to 'selfishly' fight for her, if he didn't feel like he doesn't deserve happiness: if his friend isn't living neither should he, not really. That is what he feels.
I have just finished episode 11 of Snow Queen. How come it gets better and better? And I am a little in love with both Hyun Bin and Sung Yuri for being able to convey so much with barely any change in expression. And I continue to be amazed by the 'purity' of the light this is filmed in.
Oh. Oh. OH.
Poor TW. And poor Bo Ra. My heart breaks for them both because throughout the two eps, he is trying to push her away so hard but it's killing him more than it's killing her.
I want to take him by the shoulders and shake him and tell him 'How in the world is it your falt your friend killed himself? Were you supposed to lose a math competition on purpose so your friend (who you had no indication was idiot enough to kill himself over something like that) would win? And hey, it's not like he placed second, he wouldn't have won anyway. And were you supposed to stay quiet when he was yelling horrible things at you, and once again, how would you know he'd be moron enough to kill himself?'
But yes, she confesses her feelings again and he keeps pushing her away again. He really looks like he wants to die when he tells her that the only reason he was nice to her was because he felt sorry for her. And when she asks about the kiss, and he has to tell her he can kiss her without loving her and 'do you want me to kiss you now?' And the thing is, he is trying to be as gentle as he can (you see him lamenting to his confused friend that he wasn't harsh enough) because it's like tearing his own heart out, but she keeps coming after him (because OMG her love is as true and pure as his own, and she's really matured) and so he has to tell her things like the above or that he has never liked her fora second. She asks him that straight out so he has no choice and he looks so tormented.
But the thing is, I want to smack him, but at the same time to make it all better: because it's killing him. His hands are always clenched into fists, nails digging in, and after one confrontation, the way he is leaning on the wall makes me think that if it wasn't there, he'd collapse in a heap, unable to stand.
And the thing, he can't help but slip up: he loves her so much, he cannot help it. The hungry look on his face when he is talking to the President and President takes the phone call from the housekeeper and asks how Bo Ra is feeling...he is drinking it in. And he must be feeling awful: he is all about protecting her and taking care of her but now she is sick and it's his fault. Of course, he thinks he is doing it to protect her from greater harm (but I think a part of it is his fear to finally live, live fully, too because he'd feel guilty he is happy with Jang-Gyu's sister).
And OMG, he can't help it: the scene that really killed me is when Bo Ra came to find TW's Mom and Mom was harsh to her (to drive her away) and Bo Ra stumbled out, crying but but but TW overheard it...and his face. No wonder his Mother flips...he looks like he's seen his own death and he is utterly out of it and all he says is 'I can't le her go like this...she'll keep on crying' and he shrugs off his Mom's arm as if he doesn't really notice it there. And he walks after her, devouring her with his eyes, and you see it's killing im every time he sees her sob. And he almost touches her. EEEE!
Or the way he looks at her window or stands outside her gate various days. Or the way he remembers their bus ride (and so does she). Or the scene that is just...during theboxing match. When he sees her and he just keeps getting pummelled as I think some sort of expiation but also because he doesn't want turn his face away from her.
And I love it when they meet and he grabs her by the arm (finally) and tells her she doesn't have to leave, he'll leave instead and she is being so grown-up and tells him she's been miserable and cried because of him, but she's also never laughed so much and never been so happy so she isn't sorry she liked him and thank you. And walks away and he is frozen. And then he is drinking drinking drinking and all he is remembering is telling her he nevered cared for her.
OMG. Poor TW. Poor Bo Ra.
But things are heading towards some sort of crisis because Geon-Woo just found out TW and Deuk Gu are one and the same person (and TW admitted to it) and Bo Ra expressed an interest in meeting TW and her Dad told her it's TW's fault her brother is dead.
Did I mention that I love how TW is resuming his studies? Or that he told his school friend (who's cute too, btw) that he wants to stay Deuk Gu for a bit longer because then it means he can like Bo Ra.
EEEE!!!
I just finished ep 13 of Snow Queen. Can I pretend this is how ends? Pretty please.
It would be perfect.
In ep 12 Bo-Ra finds out Tae-Woong is Tae-Woong. OMG OMG. And all these painful, but quiet scenes follow. My favorite is when he is taking her home and her head is on his shoulder.
And the whole interlude culminates in the scene in the bleachers in his old school. That just kills me. Because he tells her how his friend died (and the both know they are talking about her brother) and how then he met this girl and 'for the first time I wanted to be happy. I wanted to tell her 'you look beautiful when you smile. I love you' and they are sitting side by side and it's all so sad and basically he is saying how they can't be together because it would hurt her. And she starts walking away and OMG OMG he runs after her and hugs her from behind. And his eyes are so anguished and he tells her 'Please hate me' OMG OMG OMG and he tells her he wants her to hate him because that would be easier for her and I just die at how amazingly unselfish he is...how he is willing to destroy himself so she'd have peace of mind. I was crying. And she turns around and says 'Fine, I'll hate you' and runs off. OMG. He was begging her to hate him. And the hug...I love how he was unable to stop from touching her.
And then later he tells Geon-Woo he is OK but he is falling apart, remembering her telling him she'll hate him. It's like he thinks he's unworthy of worry and care (I love how various people point out he lives 'like a sinner') and because he is so focused on her pain, he cannot woory about his.
And speaking of pain? Bo-Ra's Dad. Is a pain. I understand his feelings on finding who Tae-Woong is. I do. But Bo-Ra is right, he is trying to hide his feeling that it really wasn't anyone's fault but Jang-Gyu's that he killed himself. Yes, it was everyone's fault a little: Dad pushed him to study, Mom left, Bo-Ra was sick and not much of a companion and Tae-Woong was more brilliant than him, but ultimately none of these actions were malicious or would have led a normal person to do anything like suicide. And Bo-Ra's Dad wants to blame Tae-Woong because a part of him believes that he himself is responsible for his son's death.
So we get that painful scene in the Chairman's office. When Tae-Woong says he truly loves Bo-Ra. And he is kneeling. And Bo-Ra comes in (she escaped house arrest with Geon-Woo's help) because she is so focused on not having TW hurt. And she basically lays out the above paragraph for her Dad and gets slapped and runs out and TW runs after her, and I love the scene where she confronts him in the lobby telling him, it's not his fault Jang-Gyu died, so why does he act like a sinner and his simple reply breaks my heart: 'I am alive.' Oh. oh OH. He has survivor's guilt. OMG. Poor kid.
And she decides to leave the country because her Dad was pushing TW to leave and she knew TW would feel guilty and leave and she wants to spare him that.
(This is sort of out of order, btw, but I love the scene on bball court (way earlier than any of the above but after the bleachers scene). Where she sees him playing and comes up and is all 'I hate myself because I am so happy to see your face' and asks if he was waiting for her. And OMG OMG. He kneels because she is crying and tells her he promises to not come look for her any more and to forget her. He is sorry that his first promise to her is to forget her, but he'll try his best.' And they walk home, holding hands....*dies*
OK, anyway, back to the stuff after the scene with Dad. I love how Seung-Ri (who seems to be set up to hook up with the salesman friend of TW, yay!) gives him his Christmas present. She leads him to a Church and says to walk in and she'll be in a little later, and he walks into an almost empty church, with a chorus singing. And then a girl walks in and he goes 'Seung-ri' and OMG OMG OMG OMG. It's Bo-Ra. And the way he looks at her makes me cry. He thought he'd never see her again! And he just keeps looking, devouring with eyes, unable to turn away. And they sit like that.
And then they walk out and she says SR said it's SR's Xmas present to her oppa, for them to meet like this, and she wasn't going to come but then she did because it's their first Xmas together, but also their last. And she asks him if he has a present for her but he is still just stunned...And she smiles and says she has two.
And she gets out a box, and there is the flower he gave her that she kept all this time and he told her 'always be happy' and she tells him the same thing.
And then she tells him, it wasn't his fault Jang-Gyu died and she and her father just miss Jang-Gyu that is why they were like that and it's not his fault. And this is so something he needed to hear. I think that is why it's so important Bo-Ra is Jang-Gyu's sister. That is the only way he could get absolution for himself (not that I think he needs it, but he clearly does), to hear something like this from his family, to have JG's sister love him, knowing the entire truth. If Bo-Ra was some random girl he'd be happy with her but there'd still be some guilt somewhere in him.
She tells him about leaving the country and how he shouldn't etc etc. And then she says she has a second gift. And she walks up, close, closer, until she is right against him, and she leans up and kisses him!!!!!!! And di I mention that though she is in really high-heeled boots, she still has to stand on her tiptoes and barely reaches. OMG OMG OMG OMG. That is such a kink of mine!!!!
And then the end of ep 13 is the best thing ever. Because OMG. OMG. OMG. After everything, he went to the amusement park they went to as kids and he paged her about it on her old pager. And of course, it was a bit of fancy, because he didn't even know she still had thr pager and plus she was supposed to be on the plane out of the country. And OMG, he is standing there and thinking 'You left and I am sorry, I didn't even go say good-bye, but if I went, I'd never be able to let you go.' And he says 'I love you.' And then it's like floodgates and he is repeating 'I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you' over and over. And he just spent the whole day at the park. And then it's closing and he is leaving.
And let me say, I just love how SQ shows how it's so hard for him to self-sacrificial, and it shows how much he loves her that even after he's spent years negating himself and his wishes, he can barely control himself himself when it comes to her.
And then then then THEN! As he is leaving...she is there! With her carry-on bag and she didn't get on the plane and she tells him 'idiot, you don't have a cellphone, I had to search the whole park for you' and the look on his face. And they do the whole 'I told you I'll tell you my name when we meet again' and she says 'I am Kim Bo-Ra' and he says 'I am Han Tae-Woong' (and OMG OMG OMG he's accepted his real name and that means he's accepted himself and he can move forward and live his life. I know he did earlier when he wrote his real name on his dissertation but still...this is the first time he's introduced himself that way. Sidenote, I want to mention how much I loved the scene where he taught the grad seminar or had his dissertation submitted. He really loves doing math: it's something he really enjoys. Denying it to himself all these years was a huge sacrifice).
And he tells her if she takes his hand this time he won't ever let go and things will be hard for her (*smacks Bo-Ra's Dad. I understand him, I really do, but still...*) and they are smiling and OMG. OMG! They hold hands.
I am so glad they finally decided to be 'selfish' because they reached the limits of their endurance. And she has grown up and he is at peace and OMG OMG.
I am so tempted to pretend this is how it ends. I don't want to watch the last three ep. Don't want Don't want.
And now I might take a break to watch the first subbed ep of The Devil. Joo Ji-Hoon as evil. In suits. Oh YEAH.