Hidden Truths and Bold Faced lies
So where do I begin.... I have been debating if I was gonna write this or not or if I was gonna make this private or not. A lot has been going on...mostly bad stuff. Lets see every since I left for Christmas break and came back everything has been messed up between me and KT. At first I thought it was my fault but then I started to look for reasons why everything I did was wrong or annoying.
I think that now since she doesn't need me....she can play softball now and doesn't need me to keep her sane she can just do anything to me and couldn't care less if I stayed or left. It doesn't matter to her. From her point of view its because I said she would never be more important to me than David. I don't remember saying that....but thats what she says. I just think its because she only needed me last semester and not this one. But who knows
I have began to shelter myself from her because she is always bullshitting about something....I really cant tell the truth from bullshit any more. I am so tired of caring and trying for someone who doesn't give a shit about me. It tiering and worthless. She means the world to me....the closet thing I have ever had to a sister.
Oh god.....family. I really though they liked me too but I guess I am just the burden going around. Her mom didn't want me to stay with them for what ever reason....probably doesn't like me or wants to give KT space because they think I'm clingy....Which I know I am not but whatever!....Her aunt is probably sick of me tagging along.....well man i guess I am really just all alone down here and these next three friendless years here are gonna be fucking great.
The only good things that happened is that I changed my major and I started talking to Jabari again. I miss him so much.
I know my grades are gonna suck this semester because my mind has been an KT a lot and this whole situation. Man, I have really tried to just not think about her, but I cant. I have tried not to let her see that shit gets to me but she knows me too well. I guess that means she cares but damn she has a funny fucking way of showing it. Then she tells me to talk her. How can I do that if she is always trying to fuck with my head. I don't know what she wants when she is real or what the fuck I am suppose to do about the situation. I just want this semester to be over so I can be with people who love me and I can tell.
I am so lost. I don't know if I should just let her be close and get hurt because that sounds dumb to me....but I don't want to lose her. But I don't know if I can take this anymore. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH]
This shit is so dumb! I really just wish I was invisible.... I bet she wouldn't even notice I was gone
I think that now since she doesn't need me....she can play softball now and doesn't need me to keep her sane she can just do anything to me and couldn't care less if I stayed or left. It doesn't matter to her. From her point of view its because I said she would never be more important to me than David. I don't remember saying that....but thats what she says. I just think its because she only needed me last semester and not this one. But who knows
I have began to shelter myself from her because she is always bullshitting about something....I really cant tell the truth from bullshit any more. I am so tired of caring and trying for someone who doesn't give a shit about me. It tiering and worthless. She means the world to me....the closet thing I have ever had to a sister.
Oh god.....family. I really though they liked me too but I guess I am just the burden going around. Her mom didn't want me to stay with them for what ever reason....probably doesn't like me or wants to give KT space because they think I'm clingy....Which I know I am not but whatever!....Her aunt is probably sick of me tagging along.....well man i guess I am really just all alone down here and these next three friendless years here are gonna be fucking great.
The only good things that happened is that I changed my major and I started talking to Jabari again. I miss him so much.
I know my grades are gonna suck this semester because my mind has been an KT a lot and this whole situation. Man, I have really tried to just not think about her, but I cant. I have tried not to let her see that shit gets to me but she knows me too well. I guess that means she cares but damn she has a funny fucking way of showing it. Then she tells me to talk her. How can I do that if she is always trying to fuck with my head. I don't know what she wants when she is real or what the fuck I am suppose to do about the situation. I just want this semester to be over so I can be with people who love me and I can tell.
I am so lost. I don't know if I should just let her be close and get hurt because that sounds dumb to me....but I don't want to lose her. But I don't know if I can take this anymore. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH]
This shit is so dumb! I really just wish I was invisible.... I bet she wouldn't even notice I was gone