Just Go To Sleep..
This has been the strangest week. Everyone seems completely self-absorbed and hostile.
The other morning I was waiting at the bus stop to go to work. Birds. Sunshine. I was full of coffee and feeling good. Well as the bus is rolling up, I see an elderly black woman about thirty feet away, with a cane, hurredly approaching the stop. I point to the bus and smile, she waves and nods "yes".. Everyone piles on (probably making the bus about half full at this point) and then I put one foot on the stairs and tell the driver "There's a woman coming with a cane.' Dumb look. "Excuse me?" I repeat the statement. Next thing I know the doors are closing. I try to fight them off but he just re-hits the button seeling them around my wrists. At this point I'm thinking "Huh, gee, what a surprising turn of events - I'm going to be dragged to my death this morning." He repeats himself again in a more angry fashion "EXCUSE ME!" Still, I'm remaing calm. I say "My-arms-are-sealed-in-the-doors.." Someone behind me suggests that he's just trying to close and re-open the doors. He re-opens them and I pluck my hands out. Then he just closes them and drives off. Leaving me, the old lady, and some other guy in a jaunty beret (gay man with weiner dogs?) just standing there in the street.
I resisted the urge to be brought down. I turned around and laughed telling the old woman "Okay okay, let's not let it ruin OUR morning - this guy's obviously very miserable."
At work, when I did get to work, everyone, and I mean EVERYONE was on their cellphone. At one point eight of ten people seated at the bar were blabbing away at high volumes about mundane self-involved crap. I actually took my own phone out, mixing a drink for a guy, feigning a conversation of my own. Nothing. He didn't even notice. He was too lost in his own world.
After work I stopped at a local Subway to get a sandwich. The young guy behind the counter had mashed around hair, refused eye contact. I know his job is humiliating. I feel bad for him. I've had similar jobs, or jobs almost as bad - RECENTLY. I figure I should go light on him, try to be as friendly and nice as humanly possible. He asks what I want. Again gazing out over my shoulder at a paper cup in the middle of the street. "Oh, sure - I'll have a foot-long vegetarian on wheat please, thanks. Oh, and no mayonaise or cheese - thanks." "What kind of bread?" Apparently the paper cup has me beat. I tell him "wheat" once again. "What size?" "Umm.. foot-long?" Then his eyes are down on the cold cuts. I know what's coming next. "What kind of cheese?"...
On the way back home this pudgy frat guy climbed on an otherwise comfortably populated bus. He's having a loud conversation, strike that LOUD FUCKING PHONE CONVERSATION with one of his "Bro's" about how "Sweeeeeet" something was and how "fucked up some chick was" last night. Several times the bus driver turned around and looked at him. Nothing. He just kept on going, to the point where I moved to the back of the bus because I was in physical pain and my ears hurt from this typical one note blow-hard.
So now I'm watching him.. as he segues with his "bro" from one subjuect to another by use of the term "fuckin'" across from two small five year olds and their parents holding a map who seem to be on vacation. Finally he hangs up the phone. His cheeks are pink now and he's shaking his head in a sort of self-satisfied way, at what an exceptional exchange he's just had.
I'm waiting. Will there be a passing instant of shame or humility as he notices the small children in front of him? Will he look around the bus and see how several people have moved away from him?
Nope. He just takes his iPod out and inserts the little plugs in his ears. He starts bobbing his head up and down, gazing out the bus window wistfully, mouthing the words to a song to himself.
When we get back to my place, I decide to run by the bank. I need $40 bucks for some minor stuff. Get to the ATM insert my card. I punch in "withdrawal". Suddenly $80 bucks comes out. I hadn't pushed a dollar amount, I had pushed anything, except for "withdrawl". It seemed totally strange to me, obviously some ATM malfunction. I went in, grabbed a cup of coffee and stood in line. When I got a clerk, I told him what had happened, checked my account balance and he responded as though he hadn't even heard what I'd said "All right , sir, well I DO apologize for this.." "No no.. " I tell him "I'm not angry, I'm just letting you know, I think your machine's broken." Again, it's as though he doesn't even HEAR what I'm saying. He issues another apology, as thought I'm irate or upset.
As I'm going out, I hold the door for a woman behind me. She says nothing and breezes through the open doorway. I'm oddly not upset by this, but just for the hell of it I say "What, do I WORK for you or something??" She looks back over her shoulder at me as though I'm a crazy man. I'm starting to feel like one. I say "'Thank you' - the words you've forgotten, they are 'THANK YOU.'"
It's raining real good against my bedroom window right now. And I'm thinking of the opening scene in the 1970's version of "Invasion of the Body Snatchers".. only instead of pods falling to earth.. it's iPods and cellphones, through an unsympathetic black void..
The other morning I was waiting at the bus stop to go to work. Birds. Sunshine. I was full of coffee and feeling good. Well as the bus is rolling up, I see an elderly black woman about thirty feet away, with a cane, hurredly approaching the stop. I point to the bus and smile, she waves and nods "yes".. Everyone piles on (probably making the bus about half full at this point) and then I put one foot on the stairs and tell the driver "There's a woman coming with a cane.' Dumb look. "Excuse me?" I repeat the statement. Next thing I know the doors are closing. I try to fight them off but he just re-hits the button seeling them around my wrists. At this point I'm thinking "Huh, gee, what a surprising turn of events - I'm going to be dragged to my death this morning." He repeats himself again in a more angry fashion "EXCUSE ME!" Still, I'm remaing calm. I say "My-arms-are-sealed-in-the-doors.." Someone behind me suggests that he's just trying to close and re-open the doors. He re-opens them and I pluck my hands out. Then he just closes them and drives off. Leaving me, the old lady, and some other guy in a jaunty beret (gay man with weiner dogs?) just standing there in the street.
I resisted the urge to be brought down. I turned around and laughed telling the old woman "Okay okay, let's not let it ruin OUR morning - this guy's obviously very miserable."
At work, when I did get to work, everyone, and I mean EVERYONE was on their cellphone. At one point eight of ten people seated at the bar were blabbing away at high volumes about mundane self-involved crap. I actually took my own phone out, mixing a drink for a guy, feigning a conversation of my own. Nothing. He didn't even notice. He was too lost in his own world.
After work I stopped at a local Subway to get a sandwich. The young guy behind the counter had mashed around hair, refused eye contact. I know his job is humiliating. I feel bad for him. I've had similar jobs, or jobs almost as bad - RECENTLY. I figure I should go light on him, try to be as friendly and nice as humanly possible. He asks what I want. Again gazing out over my shoulder at a paper cup in the middle of the street. "Oh, sure - I'll have a foot-long vegetarian on wheat please, thanks. Oh, and no mayonaise or cheese - thanks." "What kind of bread?" Apparently the paper cup has me beat. I tell him "wheat" once again. "What size?" "Umm.. foot-long?" Then his eyes are down on the cold cuts. I know what's coming next. "What kind of cheese?"...
On the way back home this pudgy frat guy climbed on an otherwise comfortably populated bus. He's having a loud conversation, strike that LOUD FUCKING PHONE CONVERSATION with one of his "Bro's" about how "Sweeeeeet" something was and how "fucked up some chick was" last night. Several times the bus driver turned around and looked at him. Nothing. He just kept on going, to the point where I moved to the back of the bus because I was in physical pain and my ears hurt from this typical one note blow-hard.
So now I'm watching him.. as he segues with his "bro" from one subjuect to another by use of the term "fuckin'" across from two small five year olds and their parents holding a map who seem to be on vacation. Finally he hangs up the phone. His cheeks are pink now and he's shaking his head in a sort of self-satisfied way, at what an exceptional exchange he's just had.
I'm waiting. Will there be a passing instant of shame or humility as he notices the small children in front of him? Will he look around the bus and see how several people have moved away from him?
Nope. He just takes his iPod out and inserts the little plugs in his ears. He starts bobbing his head up and down, gazing out the bus window wistfully, mouthing the words to a song to himself.
When we get back to my place, I decide to run by the bank. I need $40 bucks for some minor stuff. Get to the ATM insert my card. I punch in "withdrawal". Suddenly $80 bucks comes out. I hadn't pushed a dollar amount, I had pushed anything, except for "withdrawl". It seemed totally strange to me, obviously some ATM malfunction. I went in, grabbed a cup of coffee and stood in line. When I got a clerk, I told him what had happened, checked my account balance and he responded as though he hadn't even heard what I'd said "All right , sir, well I DO apologize for this.." "No no.. " I tell him "I'm not angry, I'm just letting you know, I think your machine's broken." Again, it's as though he doesn't even HEAR what I'm saying. He issues another apology, as thought I'm irate or upset.
As I'm going out, I hold the door for a woman behind me. She says nothing and breezes through the open doorway. I'm oddly not upset by this, but just for the hell of it I say "What, do I WORK for you or something??" She looks back over her shoulder at me as though I'm a crazy man. I'm starting to feel like one. I say "'Thank you' - the words you've forgotten, they are 'THANK YOU.'"
It's raining real good against my bedroom window right now. And I'm thinking of the opening scene in the 1970's version of "Invasion of the Body Snatchers".. only instead of pods falling to earth.. it's iPods and cellphones, through an unsympathetic black void..