(no subject)
hahaha its funny. because i remember when i was "with" zach or whatever, i would always be like "are you happy?" and he would say yes jill i am and he would ask me the same and i would say.. I think?
because i really did not know if i was acutally happy or not. i didnt know if it was real happy or if i was acutally happy. i would have to think about it and if i said i was happy for sure it was a lie and id feel bad for lying about being happy.
but it was a temporary happy when i knew i wasnt. and i hadnt been and we all knew that. I just wasnt happy even though i pretended to be.
but! now i am happy. and i know i am for real and i know its real because its just there. and i can feel happy and i can say i am happy without thinking or lying or pretending or hiding or masking etc. and ddddddddddddddd i hope you all have experienced this and all get to because when you are acutally happy, you dont thinka bout it. you dont question yourself or whats wrong and everything in the world is right and good and no matter what happens, there is always a bright side and it took a very long time for my happy days to come again but oh lordie it was worth it. because i am happy and i do not regret one bit. because if i did regret any of it. and if anything hadnt of happened, then it woudlnt be like it is now and i am happy now so life is good. i love it.
because i really did not know if i was acutally happy or not. i didnt know if it was real happy or if i was acutally happy. i would have to think about it and if i said i was happy for sure it was a lie and id feel bad for lying about being happy.
but it was a temporary happy when i knew i wasnt. and i hadnt been and we all knew that. I just wasnt happy even though i pretended to be.
but! now i am happy. and i know i am for real and i know its real because its just there. and i can feel happy and i can say i am happy without thinking or lying or pretending or hiding or masking etc. and ddddddddddddddd i hope you all have experienced this and all get to because when you are acutally happy, you dont thinka bout it. you dont question yourself or whats wrong and everything in the world is right and good and no matter what happens, there is always a bright side and it took a very long time for my happy days to come again but oh lordie it was worth it. because i am happy and i do not regret one bit. because if i did regret any of it. and if anything hadnt of happened, then it woudlnt be like it is now and i am happy now so life is good. i love it.