(no subject)
For those of you who don't know, Mmy grandfather passed away two days ago. It all seems surreal, even though I saw him lying there, the shell of his body left in the hospital bed. He seemed like a mannequin, a wax figurine, but I kept staring at the sheet around his torso, expecting it to move with his breath. I miss him, more than I thought I could miss someone. I always thought I had later, you know? Later, when school's done, I can be a better granddaughter. I can go over and listen to him rant about politics and play a couple round of cribbage. We can watch British murder mysteries together. But now there is no later. How did I miss it? I felt like I had so much time - everything was supposed to happen in perfect order. He wasn't supposed to die, not yet. So I keep apologizing to him now - sorry for not being there these past four years, sorry for not calling as much as I should, sorry, sorry, sorry.
I think I'm in denial. How can you be in denial when you've seen someone after their death?
I think I'm in denial. How can you be in denial when you've seen someone after their death?