(no subject)
I haven't much to report, but am tired of reading. So, I'll try my hand at writing for a bit. Not that I have much to write about...although I feel I have loads to say. A predicament.
Justin wrote me a check for his half of the electricity. I no longer have to bitch to myself how he stays in his room all the time AND hasn't paid me for electricity. Instead I can content myself to puzzle what he does for 16 hours of his day. I wonder if that last sentence is gramatically correct.
I was contacted by the Red Cross to volunteer. I have to attend a meeting for volunteers, and these meetings are scheduled. It looks that I will not be able to attend a meeting until the 24th of August. That's not too bad. I'm interested in volunteering for their PR department (if that department is open on weekends, which I guess is not). I have this crazy thought in my head of tking a closer look at marketing. I reason that perhaps some efforts are failed due to poor marketing.
For example, I reason that perhaps an environmental group could go about supporting their cause with a better marketing strategy. Now, my logic fails in this instance due to the very definition of modern marketing. Modern marketing seeks to understand the market and to create products or services based on that research. If people don't care about putting forth effort to save the environment in the first place, no amount of good marketing will persuade the masses to take up the cause. The most important question becomes, how does one get people to care? I think this is one of the biggest issues facing everything today. Well...it's such a vicious circle, I'm unsure if any top five or top ten issues can be labeled as "biggest issues". I irk the living daylights out of myself trying to reason some grand solution. Could better education solve the majority of the world's problems? Well, no, not if the parents are hands-off. What would get parents to be more proactive? If one does get parents to be more proactive, what do you tell the parents to do or not do (seeing as how there is no right answer and a million different ones from which to chose). If poverty could be to blame for many of the countrie's troubles, how do you fight that? Better education? But if the parents are young, uneducated, and make poor decisions, how do you get their children to not grow up in their stead? For example, how do you fight African American poverty if it is unaccepted in many African American social circles to do anything that might label you as a "white wannabe", as described by one black Harvard professor? If I accept that perhaps I have little to offer such ethnic battles due to my own ethnicity, there are still tons of things on which to think. Like take, for example, supreme human stupidity.
*insert environmental rant here* I guess I have little hope that we will ever be able to overcome some greed and comforts to make an effort to stop doing things that have disasterous affects on all when we can't do small things that save our own lives. I'm intrigued by obesity as an epidemic. I think back to my former roomate, Dallas. Grossly overweight, she says to me one night "I'm borderline diabetic. It runs in my family. I should probably do something about it." She then took a huge bite out of her Burger King hamburger. Does Dallas personify the population? Do people not care about their health, not know what to do about it, think they know what to do about it but instead hurt themselves, half-ass do things but not really because they don't percieve the threat of premature death as serious? Can our illusions on health, the environment, etc.,. be pinned on the fact that we are so short-sighted? Is that the real problem here? Or is does the real problem lie in our primordal subconcious? No matter what, we must survive. Survival is in the here and now. Kill the differently religiously aligned neighbor, spew toxins into the air, forfeit responsibility on your child's upbringing. Could this all be blamed on something even deeper than genetics?
The more I read about people being stupid (blowing people up, people eating themselves into oblivion, people blatantly ignoring environmenta threats) in the same source as people being highly intellegent (mapping the genome, doing things to earn nobel prizes, etc.,.), the more frusturated I get. SURELY, my black and white science mind says. SURELY there is some way to overcome our limitations. There must be some formula, some magic trick, something to decieve our subconcious tendencies. Does this not irritate the shit out of everyone else. I mean, shouldn't it?
I ask all these questions because I do not want to be a lab rat for the rest of my life. I could probably not survive a PhD degree in biology, genetics, etc.,. (I might be so bored by next year, I may fancy the idea, but I highly doubt it). So, I have ventured on a thought quest to try to find some path to my meaning. I just think that I have so much to offer the world (though I'm not really sure in what regard yet). Surely, I could tackle some gigantic problem. Education, for instance. I could help solve the world's problems by getting involved in education. But then I think, to what avail? Education is only as good as the parents of the children being educated. I drag myself through the same thought process. Nothing I will ever do will matter because humanity fights so hard to screw itself over. What could I, as one person in this whole mess, possibly do to help humanity untangle itself. ESPECIALLY when I cannot fully describe the problem. My black and white mind sometimes turns to a communistic solution....if it weren't for the fact humans make deplorable commrades. I think, maybe I am not meant to move mountains. Perhaps I am meant to help one child, and that will be my service to society. But I just can't rest thinking that, with so many problems, my penny donation will rid the world of it's trillion dollar debt. I am so....frusturated. It truly is like a train wreck. I see so many things that are just STUPID, and I can't even put my head around that entire problem that is humans screwing themselves over. Maybe because it isn't one big thing, but many, tiny, small things. And there really isn't any unifying theory to connect everything, unless you want to target the very root of every problem: human nature. For that, I would have to become a priestess, a preacher, or a band director. Not happening.
And here is why the world is destined to die, me helplessly along with it. Counting for the differences in cost of living, my sister will start off making more money that I will problably see in ten yeras. I am not jealous that she will be making more money, I am jealous that things come so easily for her and she is able to get such high positions hardly blinking an eye. College almost killed me. If not pscynologically, physically. If not both. I feel that no matter what, I will never, ever be able to hold a match to my sister's butane-inspired bonfire. How could I possibly hope to change anything if my master's degree looks like I graduated 8th grade compared to my sister's degree?
Uug! I feel so helpless, decidedly worthless in true Liz fashion, and just plain stuck. It's a very happy thing to be able to chose my path (as opposed to having it laid out plain and clear as was in school). But, I'm a terrible chooser. Where the fuck am I supposed to go next? And once there, what the hell difference is it going to make anyway? I know the trick will be just starting. Starting is the hardest thing I've ever done in anything. I feel if I just start doing something other than work, I'm sure paths will open and I'll figure out what I'm supposed to do. Or be. I fear that what I'm supposed to be will not align with what I want to be, for reasons of my own shortcomings. I also fear that I actually don't have these envisioned shortcomings, and then, my shortcomings will come about as self-fullfilling prophecies.
I don't feel alone in this big, empty universe. I know so many who feel so alone. I feel challenged. And I feel that I could do a damn good job if I could find my niche and then have a chance at that niche.
And for my own notice, I probably would not have been in such a dour state had I been able to go do something physically active this week. But my fucking knee won't heal. It's better, but by no means am I able to run, jump, etc.,. on it. This has a two-fold affect. 1. I get all this damn energy pent up inside and it has to go somewhere. 2. My weight is still a huge issue with me (although I've been quiet about it and intend to stay so), and so missing gym time for some pussy injurty is infuriating.
And now I'm just writing myself into a mood, so I'm going to shower and go to bed.
Justin wrote me a check for his half of the electricity. I no longer have to bitch to myself how he stays in his room all the time AND hasn't paid me for electricity. Instead I can content myself to puzzle what he does for 16 hours of his day. I wonder if that last sentence is gramatically correct.
I was contacted by the Red Cross to volunteer. I have to attend a meeting for volunteers, and these meetings are scheduled. It looks that I will not be able to attend a meeting until the 24th of August. That's not too bad. I'm interested in volunteering for their PR department (if that department is open on weekends, which I guess is not). I have this crazy thought in my head of tking a closer look at marketing. I reason that perhaps some efforts are failed due to poor marketing.
For example, I reason that perhaps an environmental group could go about supporting their cause with a better marketing strategy. Now, my logic fails in this instance due to the very definition of modern marketing. Modern marketing seeks to understand the market and to create products or services based on that research. If people don't care about putting forth effort to save the environment in the first place, no amount of good marketing will persuade the masses to take up the cause. The most important question becomes, how does one get people to care? I think this is one of the biggest issues facing everything today. Well...it's such a vicious circle, I'm unsure if any top five or top ten issues can be labeled as "biggest issues". I irk the living daylights out of myself trying to reason some grand solution. Could better education solve the majority of the world's problems? Well, no, not if the parents are hands-off. What would get parents to be more proactive? If one does get parents to be more proactive, what do you tell the parents to do or not do (seeing as how there is no right answer and a million different ones from which to chose). If poverty could be to blame for many of the countrie's troubles, how do you fight that? Better education? But if the parents are young, uneducated, and make poor decisions, how do you get their children to not grow up in their stead? For example, how do you fight African American poverty if it is unaccepted in many African American social circles to do anything that might label you as a "white wannabe", as described by one black Harvard professor? If I accept that perhaps I have little to offer such ethnic battles due to my own ethnicity, there are still tons of things on which to think. Like take, for example, supreme human stupidity.
*insert environmental rant here* I guess I have little hope that we will ever be able to overcome some greed and comforts to make an effort to stop doing things that have disasterous affects on all when we can't do small things that save our own lives. I'm intrigued by obesity as an epidemic. I think back to my former roomate, Dallas. Grossly overweight, she says to me one night "I'm borderline diabetic. It runs in my family. I should probably do something about it." She then took a huge bite out of her Burger King hamburger. Does Dallas personify the population? Do people not care about their health, not know what to do about it, think they know what to do about it but instead hurt themselves, half-ass do things but not really because they don't percieve the threat of premature death as serious? Can our illusions on health, the environment, etc.,. be pinned on the fact that we are so short-sighted? Is that the real problem here? Or is does the real problem lie in our primordal subconcious? No matter what, we must survive. Survival is in the here and now. Kill the differently religiously aligned neighbor, spew toxins into the air, forfeit responsibility on your child's upbringing. Could this all be blamed on something even deeper than genetics?
The more I read about people being stupid (blowing people up, people eating themselves into oblivion, people blatantly ignoring environmenta threats) in the same source as people being highly intellegent (mapping the genome, doing things to earn nobel prizes, etc.,.), the more frusturated I get. SURELY, my black and white science mind says. SURELY there is some way to overcome our limitations. There must be some formula, some magic trick, something to decieve our subconcious tendencies. Does this not irritate the shit out of everyone else. I mean, shouldn't it?
I ask all these questions because I do not want to be a lab rat for the rest of my life. I could probably not survive a PhD degree in biology, genetics, etc.,. (I might be so bored by next year, I may fancy the idea, but I highly doubt it). So, I have ventured on a thought quest to try to find some path to my meaning. I just think that I have so much to offer the world (though I'm not really sure in what regard yet). Surely, I could tackle some gigantic problem. Education, for instance. I could help solve the world's problems by getting involved in education. But then I think, to what avail? Education is only as good as the parents of the children being educated. I drag myself through the same thought process. Nothing I will ever do will matter because humanity fights so hard to screw itself over. What could I, as one person in this whole mess, possibly do to help humanity untangle itself. ESPECIALLY when I cannot fully describe the problem. My black and white mind sometimes turns to a communistic solution....if it weren't for the fact humans make deplorable commrades. I think, maybe I am not meant to move mountains. Perhaps I am meant to help one child, and that will be my service to society. But I just can't rest thinking that, with so many problems, my penny donation will rid the world of it's trillion dollar debt. I am so....frusturated. It truly is like a train wreck. I see so many things that are just STUPID, and I can't even put my head around that entire problem that is humans screwing themselves over. Maybe because it isn't one big thing, but many, tiny, small things. And there really isn't any unifying theory to connect everything, unless you want to target the very root of every problem: human nature. For that, I would have to become a priestess, a preacher, or a band director. Not happening.
And here is why the world is destined to die, me helplessly along with it. Counting for the differences in cost of living, my sister will start off making more money that I will problably see in ten yeras. I am not jealous that she will be making more money, I am jealous that things come so easily for her and she is able to get such high positions hardly blinking an eye. College almost killed me. If not pscynologically, physically. If not both. I feel that no matter what, I will never, ever be able to hold a match to my sister's butane-inspired bonfire. How could I possibly hope to change anything if my master's degree looks like I graduated 8th grade compared to my sister's degree?
Uug! I feel so helpless, decidedly worthless in true Liz fashion, and just plain stuck. It's a very happy thing to be able to chose my path (as opposed to having it laid out plain and clear as was in school). But, I'm a terrible chooser. Where the fuck am I supposed to go next? And once there, what the hell difference is it going to make anyway? I know the trick will be just starting. Starting is the hardest thing I've ever done in anything. I feel if I just start doing something other than work, I'm sure paths will open and I'll figure out what I'm supposed to do. Or be. I fear that what I'm supposed to be will not align with what I want to be, for reasons of my own shortcomings. I also fear that I actually don't have these envisioned shortcomings, and then, my shortcomings will come about as self-fullfilling prophecies.
I don't feel alone in this big, empty universe. I know so many who feel so alone. I feel challenged. And I feel that I could do a damn good job if I could find my niche and then have a chance at that niche.
And for my own notice, I probably would not have been in such a dour state had I been able to go do something physically active this week. But my fucking knee won't heal. It's better, but by no means am I able to run, jump, etc.,. on it. This has a two-fold affect. 1. I get all this damn energy pent up inside and it has to go somewhere. 2. My weight is still a huge issue with me (although I've been quiet about it and intend to stay so), and so missing gym time for some pussy injurty is infuriating.
And now I'm just writing myself into a mood, so I'm going to shower and go to bed.