(no subject)
I’m having a pity fucking party. I think I deserve one since I haven’t had one in a wile. I'm even downloading sad songs. i want to cry but I cant.
Fuck an A
Recap of the fucking weekend. Either I’m really fucking stupid, or… I’m really fucking stupid. But Bri came into town and I coulda swore it was eat Friday, go to eclipse Saturday. Witch, that really worked with the dinner I had planned with my aunt deb and uncle ed on Saturday.
Well all that got fucked up some how. The plans then turned into eat and go to eclipse Saturday. Then eat and go to club Paris.
Anyone who “knows” me knows that I have a short fuse when it comes to clubs. I don’t dance and im sure as hell not paying cover to get in and pay 5 bucks for a bottom shelf drink or a soda. But I went because Micheal told me if I didn’t I would regret it. He was right, I would have I just wish that a lot of bullshit wouldn’t have happened.
It really is my fault, I shoulda took a fucking hint. I shoulda took my own fucking car is what the fuck I should have done. I shoulda just fucking not went out because I hate clubs and honestly I felt like I was a third wheel anyway.
Started with sneaking around, understandable, if you don’t like someone you and you flew all the fuck way to Florida , you shouldn’t have to be around people you don’t like. Then with the whole, okay you meet us there. Good thing I didn’t go straight to that club because they stopped at a house party first me in tow. Then it was club time. The fucking cover was ten dollars. The drinks were it seemed a dollar a fucking ounce. I was thirsty as hell the whole time. I did not want to stay until three in the morning but once again, being me, I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to ruin anyone’s night. They want to go back to the house party, they want us to throw down on beer. I don’t like beer so I told the girl hosting I would give her 10 bucks for part of her liquor so far 30 dollars down the drain, and honestly I was not having a great time. Then I cant get a ride home because the girl who was driving gets shit fucking faced.
I’m pissed. I put ten dollars worth of gas in her car, not to try to show off but to guarantee I was going to get home. I understood she lived at the beaches and I felt I should put three gallons in her car to take me to my house even though this house party was only 4 miles from my house. And here she is telling ME she cant drive me home because she’s to drunk on the alcohol that I paid ten dollars to drink. I have to call my husband at 6 in the morning and come home to my mom who was worried fucking sick because I did not call and was not home and it’s the latest I ever stayed out EVER
None of this is Brianna’s fault. She apologized but I’m still hurt to get so fucking blown off like that.
Trust me, if I had my fucking way I woulda been home around 3, if not earlier.
I hate that kind of shit and it seems like every time I hang around people who drink they turn into morons who have no care in the world for the other fucking people around them. I hate drinking because anytime I ever had a boyfriend who drank he hurt me. I hate drinking because my whole fucking family it seems were drunks. Granted none of them are now.
So, I get home at 6. Have to explain shit to people and I don’t get to bed till 7. Well woop tee fucking doo I’m so pissed off and hurt that I CANNOT FUCKING SLEEP. I keep having nightmare about Bri being pulled over and arrested for driving without a license. I have dreams of Micheal and my mom being disappointed in me. I have to lie to the rest of my family because they would fucking ream me for getting myself into a “stupid” situation as that.
Micheal wakes me up at 2 in the afternoon because, bless his heart, he doesn’t want me to get my nights and says fucked up. I love him so much. I wish more people had more consideration like he does. All I ask is follow though with what you say and be on time. Those two things that’s it. But back to micheal waking me up. I drag though the day because I am literally SICK about what happened a few hours before.
I hate myself the most. I have no fucking clue how the fuck I get myself into so much stupid ass shit. I guess I assume people are good and will do the right thing. HA. I get fucked every fucking time.
I’m really depressed. I cant even have one decent night out by myself. I hate going out alone but Micheal doesn’t like people. I am extremely fucking sad. I honestly have no fucking friends and its really really really really fucking depressing. I realized to myself I get “pity” invitations. Oh yeah Amber, you can come here I’ll call you when something happens. I actually find myself waiting by my phone for that stupid ass phone call to come even though I know it never will. Its always the same thing we get halfway into planning something and they get a call (someone more important than me) “Amber ill call you back” and they never fucking do. Bri did it to me too.
I hate everyone. My mom and Micheal are honestly the only fucking people who have ever been there for me. EVER. If I need to cry they are there. If I want to go out they are there. And you know what fucking sucks. I find myself neglecting them because I’m feeling to fucking sorry for myself. I hate myself for actually wanting a social life when both of them are perfectly content with being at home with me. I used to have a LIFE I used to go OUT. I used to have FUN. I used to have people actually call ME.
Fuck it all to fucking hell. I’m tired of being nice. Everyone is so fucking fake it makes me SICK. I hate any fucking one who has ever fucked me over. Guess what that’s 99.9 percent I’ve ever meet. Tony, Rachel, Bri, whoever was driving the car last night I totally forgot her name(lacy I think), Stephen, Andrew… just to name a few whom have hurt me the most. I can count the number of people who I trust and feel fine around on one fucking hand. And now even half of them are gone. I got two people Micheal and Mom. that’s it.
Fuck it all. Im tired of being let down. im also bitchy because i've had a headache since that night. me + stress = not fucking nice
Fuck an A
Recap of the fucking weekend. Either I’m really fucking stupid, or… I’m really fucking stupid. But Bri came into town and I coulda swore it was eat Friday, go to eclipse Saturday. Witch, that really worked with the dinner I had planned with my aunt deb and uncle ed on Saturday.
Well all that got fucked up some how. The plans then turned into eat and go to eclipse Saturday. Then eat and go to club Paris.
Anyone who “knows” me knows that I have a short fuse when it comes to clubs. I don’t dance and im sure as hell not paying cover to get in and pay 5 bucks for a bottom shelf drink or a soda. But I went because Micheal told me if I didn’t I would regret it. He was right, I would have I just wish that a lot of bullshit wouldn’t have happened.
It really is my fault, I shoulda took a fucking hint. I shoulda took my own fucking car is what the fuck I should have done. I shoulda just fucking not went out because I hate clubs and honestly I felt like I was a third wheel anyway.
Started with sneaking around, understandable, if you don’t like someone you and you flew all the fuck way to Florida , you shouldn’t have to be around people you don’t like. Then with the whole, okay you meet us there. Good thing I didn’t go straight to that club because they stopped at a house party first me in tow. Then it was club time. The fucking cover was ten dollars. The drinks were it seemed a dollar a fucking ounce. I was thirsty as hell the whole time. I did not want to stay until three in the morning but once again, being me, I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to ruin anyone’s night. They want to go back to the house party, they want us to throw down on beer. I don’t like beer so I told the girl hosting I would give her 10 bucks for part of her liquor so far 30 dollars down the drain, and honestly I was not having a great time. Then I cant get a ride home because the girl who was driving gets shit fucking faced.
I’m pissed. I put ten dollars worth of gas in her car, not to try to show off but to guarantee I was going to get home. I understood she lived at the beaches and I felt I should put three gallons in her car to take me to my house even though this house party was only 4 miles from my house. And here she is telling ME she cant drive me home because she’s to drunk on the alcohol that I paid ten dollars to drink. I have to call my husband at 6 in the morning and come home to my mom who was worried fucking sick because I did not call and was not home and it’s the latest I ever stayed out EVER
None of this is Brianna’s fault. She apologized but I’m still hurt to get so fucking blown off like that.
Trust me, if I had my fucking way I woulda been home around 3, if not earlier.
I hate that kind of shit and it seems like every time I hang around people who drink they turn into morons who have no care in the world for the other fucking people around them. I hate drinking because anytime I ever had a boyfriend who drank he hurt me. I hate drinking because my whole fucking family it seems were drunks. Granted none of them are now.
So, I get home at 6. Have to explain shit to people and I don’t get to bed till 7. Well woop tee fucking doo I’m so pissed off and hurt that I CANNOT FUCKING SLEEP. I keep having nightmare about Bri being pulled over and arrested for driving without a license. I have dreams of Micheal and my mom being disappointed in me. I have to lie to the rest of my family because they would fucking ream me for getting myself into a “stupid” situation as that.
Micheal wakes me up at 2 in the afternoon because, bless his heart, he doesn’t want me to get my nights and says fucked up. I love him so much. I wish more people had more consideration like he does. All I ask is follow though with what you say and be on time. Those two things that’s it. But back to micheal waking me up. I drag though the day because I am literally SICK about what happened a few hours before.
I hate myself the most. I have no fucking clue how the fuck I get myself into so much stupid ass shit. I guess I assume people are good and will do the right thing. HA. I get fucked every fucking time.
I’m really depressed. I cant even have one decent night out by myself. I hate going out alone but Micheal doesn’t like people. I am extremely fucking sad. I honestly have no fucking friends and its really really really really fucking depressing. I realized to myself I get “pity” invitations. Oh yeah Amber, you can come here I’ll call you when something happens. I actually find myself waiting by my phone for that stupid ass phone call to come even though I know it never will. Its always the same thing we get halfway into planning something and they get a call (someone more important than me) “Amber ill call you back” and they never fucking do. Bri did it to me too.
I hate everyone. My mom and Micheal are honestly the only fucking people who have ever been there for me. EVER. If I need to cry they are there. If I want to go out they are there. And you know what fucking sucks. I find myself neglecting them because I’m feeling to fucking sorry for myself. I hate myself for actually wanting a social life when both of them are perfectly content with being at home with me. I used to have a LIFE I used to go OUT. I used to have FUN. I used to have people actually call ME.
Fuck it all to fucking hell. I’m tired of being nice. Everyone is so fucking fake it makes me SICK. I hate any fucking one who has ever fucked me over. Guess what that’s 99.9 percent I’ve ever meet. Tony, Rachel, Bri, whoever was driving the car last night I totally forgot her name(lacy I think), Stephen, Andrew… just to name a few whom have hurt me the most. I can count the number of people who I trust and feel fine around on one fucking hand. And now even half of them are gone. I got two people Micheal and Mom. that’s it.
Fuck it all. Im tired of being let down. im also bitchy because i've had a headache since that night. me + stress = not fucking nice