Halmunee
There aren't any regrets. A regret can only result from doing something and wishing it was never done.
Rather, I feel like I missed out on so much more.
I loved my grandmother, she was queen of our household, I still treated her that way anyway, even after the patriarch wars. I never got to fully realize her love because she lived in Hawaii and I lived over here.
I wonder if my mother feels like she missed out as well. I don't want to imagine. If this pain I'm feeling is any indication, I don't want to imagine what my mother is going through.
A lot of my cousins grew up with my grandmother.
While my aunts and uncles were working, she would watch over them and take care of them.
I never had that luxury. Together with my sister, we grew up alone as latchkey children.
I almost made the mistake of not calling her. She wasn't able to speak. For the last two months, she couldn't walk or say anything. She was on a steady drip of morphine and was waiting for her time to come when she can join my grandfather and her ancestors. The only thing I could hear from my grandmother as I told her I loved her were tiny sounds of affirmation. I can still hear her voice.
She passed shortly after I had spoken with her. When my phone glared the words "mom" as it rang, I knew.
To think I was going to wait it out before I talked to her. Time really is short.
However, as with Korean Culture rooted in shamanistic Confucianism do not mourn for my family or my grandmother, that's our job. Instead, celebrate her rite of passage into the next world. After the earth claims her body again, we as a family will celebrate and she will dine with us.
Celebrate life.
My grandmother is survived by 9 children, 17 grandchildren and 9 great grandchildren.
Halmunee, here's your mountain. Harabujee is waiting on the other side.
Rather, I feel like I missed out on so much more.
I loved my grandmother, she was queen of our household, I still treated her that way anyway, even after the patriarch wars. I never got to fully realize her love because she lived in Hawaii and I lived over here.
I wonder if my mother feels like she missed out as well. I don't want to imagine. If this pain I'm feeling is any indication, I don't want to imagine what my mother is going through.
A lot of my cousins grew up with my grandmother.
While my aunts and uncles were working, she would watch over them and take care of them.
I never had that luxury. Together with my sister, we grew up alone as latchkey children.
I almost made the mistake of not calling her. She wasn't able to speak. For the last two months, she couldn't walk or say anything. She was on a steady drip of morphine and was waiting for her time to come when she can join my grandfather and her ancestors. The only thing I could hear from my grandmother as I told her I loved her were tiny sounds of affirmation. I can still hear her voice.
She passed shortly after I had spoken with her. When my phone glared the words "mom" as it rang, I knew.
To think I was going to wait it out before I talked to her. Time really is short.
However, as with Korean Culture rooted in shamanistic Confucianism do not mourn for my family or my grandmother, that's our job. Instead, celebrate her rite of passage into the next world. After the earth claims her body again, we as a family will celebrate and she will dine with us.
Celebrate life.
My grandmother is survived by 9 children, 17 grandchildren and 9 great grandchildren.
Halmunee, here's your mountain. Harabujee is waiting on the other side.