Fuggit: The End of The World!
I keep trying to build igloos in my backyard, but I realized it can't be done. Not because I don't know how to make an igloo first of all, nor is it the fact that it's not snowy or icey or anything cold for that matter enough to maintain blocks of ice in my backyard.
But because I don't have a backyard.
I live in an apartment. A nice one at that, with the unfortunate luck of having the thinnest walls ever created. But this has nothing to do with what I'm about to get into. I just like random detours that take up text space on my LJ - it makes me look like I actually have content.
Enter Global Dimming.
Yes, that's right folks, you heard me right. Global Motherfuckin Dimming. No no please, hold all your WTF's til after the rant because I just snorted coke thru my nose, coca cola that is and I can't stop laughing, crying, and cussing all at once. Then I'm gonna realize that I just wasted time typing and actually reacting to all of this. But hey I laughed and it was entertaining.
First Al Gore swears that Manbearpig exists, but it's ok. He has no friends. I feel sorry for him. Then a friend of mine directs me to Global Dimming, which he says scares him more. But I know he's fucking around because well, he was making fun of it. Ah yes, insert sarcasm.
This is where I do my not so accurate but highly motivational data blast.
Ok. When the ice age hit, ya know, the time when the earth was oh I dunno, COVERED IN ICE, glaciers the size of mountains moving around at their whim, yeah that time, a long long time ago, the estimated temperature difference was around 10 degrees. That's right folks, a mere change of TEN FUCKIN DEGREES. You know what I call that?
WINTER.
According to the EPA who BTW pretends to be friends with Al Gore so he can sell their products says that in the past century (100 years) the surface of the earth has changed in temperature by 1 degree.
ZOMG OH NOES DKD! That means that in 1000 years we're gonna have another ice age! No...that means the opposite, if you do in fact believe in Manbearpig. But keep in mind, even the EPA doesn't know for sure. They're just kind of speculating and asking scientists (who are on payroll of course) what they think and all they really have to do is say, SEE LOOK, Jim is a science man, so HA it must be true. That's like saying correlations are accurate pieces of data. Do you know what a correlation is? I'll give you an example.
OH NOES DKD WE MUST STOP THE SALE OF ICE CREAM BARS TO PREVENT DROWNINGS!!! THE CHILDREN DKD, THINK OF THE CHILDREN!
Seriously, if you knew what a correlation was, you'd laugh because you know the statement is true, but there's a dirty little secret to it. Look it up yourself. Self education is an important step to preventing I-said-stupid-shit disease.
What I'm saying though in this totally unstructured rant is that, FEAR NOT! Because, wait for it... *** Pigbearman *** is Manbearpigs arch enemy. Pigbearman is played by the role of Global Dimming. ~applause~
See as long as Pigbearman can counteract the advances of Manbearpig, we should technically be, ok. But I mean, you have to believe in both entities first. And if you just believe in one, then lemme just say this.
Global Shifts in climate that impacted the world in ZOMG*DRAMA*tic ways were attributed to more than just changes in temperature. Plate tectonics, ya know the reason India is crashing into Asia, when and why Africa used to fit like a puzzle piece with South America, ya know, Pangea, DUR! Continental drift, magnetic changes in the poles, changes in the earths orbit, "Honey did you move the earth again? I'm getting bad reception!" And again, only if you believe in this stuff...and add to the fact that, oh I dunno, ADD CENTURIES AND THOUSANDS OF YEARIES (milleniaies) to all this and really, REALLY...
WHO CARES? We'll all be dead anyway.
But the children Dkd, the children. Seriously, could you care anymore about the Sumerian rug rat who ate cats and gawked at the Rosetta stone?
But Dkd you're ranting about people wasting their lives and time concerning themselves with this stuff and here you are wasting yours writing about it? The difference is oh devil's advocate in my head is that I'm frigging LOLing and according to mastercard, it's priceless.
And I have good news. I saved a lot of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico.
But because I don't have a backyard.
I live in an apartment. A nice one at that, with the unfortunate luck of having the thinnest walls ever created. But this has nothing to do with what I'm about to get into. I just like random detours that take up text space on my LJ - it makes me look like I actually have content.
Enter Global Dimming.
Yes, that's right folks, you heard me right. Global Motherfuckin Dimming. No no please, hold all your WTF's til after the rant because I just snorted coke thru my nose, coca cola that is and I can't stop laughing, crying, and cussing all at once. Then I'm gonna realize that I just wasted time typing and actually reacting to all of this. But hey I laughed and it was entertaining.
First Al Gore swears that Manbearpig exists, but it's ok. He has no friends. I feel sorry for him. Then a friend of mine directs me to Global Dimming, which he says scares him more. But I know he's fucking around because well, he was making fun of it. Ah yes, insert sarcasm.
This is where I do my not so accurate but highly motivational data blast.
Ok. When the ice age hit, ya know, the time when the earth was oh I dunno, COVERED IN ICE, glaciers the size of mountains moving around at their whim, yeah that time, a long long time ago, the estimated temperature difference was around 10 degrees. That's right folks, a mere change of TEN FUCKIN DEGREES. You know what I call that?
WINTER.
According to the EPA who BTW pretends to be friends with Al Gore so he can sell their products says that in the past century (100 years) the surface of the earth has changed in temperature by 1 degree.
ZOMG OH NOES DKD! That means that in 1000 years we're gonna have another ice age! No...that means the opposite, if you do in fact believe in Manbearpig. But keep in mind, even the EPA doesn't know for sure. They're just kind of speculating and asking scientists (who are on payroll of course) what they think and all they really have to do is say, SEE LOOK, Jim is a science man, so HA it must be true. That's like saying correlations are accurate pieces of data. Do you know what a correlation is? I'll give you an example.
- The higher the numbers of ice cream bars sold correlates to the higher amount of drownings in America.
OH NOES DKD WE MUST STOP THE SALE OF ICE CREAM BARS TO PREVENT DROWNINGS!!! THE CHILDREN DKD, THINK OF THE CHILDREN!
Seriously, if you knew what a correlation was, you'd laugh because you know the statement is true, but there's a dirty little secret to it. Look it up yourself. Self education is an important step to preventing I-said-stupid-shit disease.
What I'm saying though in this totally unstructured rant is that, FEAR NOT! Because, wait for it... *** Pigbearman *** is Manbearpigs arch enemy. Pigbearman is played by the role of Global Dimming. ~applause~
See as long as Pigbearman can counteract the advances of Manbearpig, we should technically be, ok. But I mean, you have to believe in both entities first. And if you just believe in one, then lemme just say this.
Global Shifts in climate that impacted the world in ZOMG*DRAMA*tic ways were attributed to more than just changes in temperature. Plate tectonics, ya know the reason India is crashing into Asia, when and why Africa used to fit like a puzzle piece with South America, ya know, Pangea, DUR! Continental drift, magnetic changes in the poles, changes in the earths orbit, "Honey did you move the earth again? I'm getting bad reception!" And again, only if you believe in this stuff...and add to the fact that, oh I dunno, ADD CENTURIES AND THOUSANDS OF YEARIES (milleniaies) to all this and really, REALLY...
WHO CARES? We'll all be dead anyway.
But the children Dkd, the children. Seriously, could you care anymore about the Sumerian rug rat who ate cats and gawked at the Rosetta stone?
But Dkd you're ranting about people wasting their lives and time concerning themselves with this stuff and here you are wasting yours writing about it? The difference is oh devil's advocate in my head is that I'm frigging LOLing and according to mastercard, it's priceless.
And I have good news. I saved a lot of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico.