(no subject)
i feel like chewing out the people who hurt me. i've had this urge fora a few days... but if i call them up or chat with them, what the hell am i supposed to say? "Hey you, you fucked up my life a year ago, and i'm still paranoid/insane/depressed about it, thanks very much for all the shit." Is that all? what are they all supposed to do, say sorry, again, like it's going to do anything useful? maybe it will, but i mostly i think it won't, because i won't get over it soon enough. maybe i can ask them for a favor... maybe they should have just ripped my heart out and shot me in the head a year ago so at least i don't have to exist and i don't have to feel anything anymore. maybe that would have been better.
God, i hurt so much.
dissertation is *still* killing me. i feel hopeless right now, and i'm totally scared of my advisor chewing me out tomorrow.
God, i hurt so much.
dissertation is *still* killing me. i feel hopeless right now, and i'm totally scared of my advisor chewing me out tomorrow.