Wes and the soul pearl
Last night, Lauren and I dropped by the CVS (formerly the Osco) on Southport for a bottle of wine and some shampoo. It was a nice walk over there. We were pretty relaxed and having a conversation about the reason that Herbal Essences changed thier packaging when from of to our right we hear the following:
"I'll tell you about that."
I look over and see a very well put together looking older man; probably in his 40's with longish and well tended gray hair, wearing a button down flannel and holding a rather large, zip close binder. One would think that he was actually going to regail us with the reasoning behind the packaging change.
"You see, we all have this pearl, that is our soul about this big, (He motions indicating that the soul pearl is about the size of a 16" softball) that was put there by the holy spirt. It sits right about here. (He motions to the left side of his stomach) Now, I used to be involved in all kinds of sinful things, seeing as how I used to be a warlock. Now, you see, I've had this vision. It came to me in a dream. It's a dream that God sent to everyone in Chicago. Now don't tell me that you haven't had this dream. It's a dark night and the moon is very large over a valley. There is a river running through the valley. Hold on, I have visual aids."
At this point, he opens up his binder and proceeds to pull out a piece of paper. On this piece of paper is a 5' picture of the moon situated above a valley with a river running through it. I shit you not. This actually happend.
"This is what the valley looked like, remember?"
It's worth drawing attention to the fact that he asked us if we remember his dream!!! Not for the first time, either...
"Now the valley was a vision sent from Jesus Christ to show me the wickedness of my ways. (Here, he pulls out another visual that has some fucked up trees on it.) On the right side of the river are the crooked trees, all twisted about each other, dark and representing the confusion of wickedness. Near the river was a pit. In the pit I saw a human torso! I swear, a torso! Weird huh? Around there were these ghouls with really big heads. (A new visual, with a pit of gore and 2 big headed midgits with pointy ears.) Look. Those are some big heads, aren't they? Remember those heads? Yeah. You do. I remember seeing that the ghouls had a severed foot, and the foot didn't bleed! How weird is that, right. There was a foot that they'd cut off but no blood!"
Every time he would reach into his bag to pull out another visual, Lauren and I would glance at each other as to say 'what the fuck is happening', and glance down the aisle at the guy that was shopping and listening in on the whole thing. He, obviously was cracking the fuck up! :)
"Around the base of the crooked trees were the ghouls and the spinning blades. The blades were set up in a pattern, like this. (a picture of the spinning blades in a zig zag.) and the Ghouls were sitting right about here. On the left side of the river were the straight trees like this (a picture of straight and tall trees with leaves only on the top branches.)
He went on like this for a further two or three minutes before finally putting away his binder and saying "Spread the word. My name is Wes, you have a good night." as he walked away down the aisle next to us.
At this point, I actually try to read the shampoo bottles that I'd been trying to read for his whole rant. Lauren left the aisle cause she knew that it wasn't over...
At the far end of the Aisle, Wes pops his head out and starts addressing me again. I honestly don't remember what he said at this point. I think it had something to do with Jesus telling him about how bad witchcraft was. I know he introduced himself again, and asked my name. I told him I was Jeff. I'm not in the habit of giving my real name to crazies. Anyway, he finally took off and I was left in the shampoo aisle to wonder what the fuck just happend!
Anyway, we got our shit and left the store, but not before running into the badass guy from down the aisle who told us, "hey! You guys are the chosen ones!" We all had a good laugh about it. :)
That's the tale of crazy cultist Wes and his visual aids. I wish I was making this shit up!
"I'll tell you about that."
I look over and see a very well put together looking older man; probably in his 40's with longish and well tended gray hair, wearing a button down flannel and holding a rather large, zip close binder. One would think that he was actually going to regail us with the reasoning behind the packaging change.
"You see, we all have this pearl, that is our soul about this big, (He motions indicating that the soul pearl is about the size of a 16" softball) that was put there by the holy spirt. It sits right about here. (He motions to the left side of his stomach) Now, I used to be involved in all kinds of sinful things, seeing as how I used to be a warlock. Now, you see, I've had this vision. It came to me in a dream. It's a dream that God sent to everyone in Chicago. Now don't tell me that you haven't had this dream. It's a dark night and the moon is very large over a valley. There is a river running through the valley. Hold on, I have visual aids."
At this point, he opens up his binder and proceeds to pull out a piece of paper. On this piece of paper is a 5' picture of the moon situated above a valley with a river running through it. I shit you not. This actually happend.
"This is what the valley looked like, remember?"
It's worth drawing attention to the fact that he asked us if we remember his dream!!! Not for the first time, either...
"Now the valley was a vision sent from Jesus Christ to show me the wickedness of my ways. (Here, he pulls out another visual that has some fucked up trees on it.) On the right side of the river are the crooked trees, all twisted about each other, dark and representing the confusion of wickedness. Near the river was a pit. In the pit I saw a human torso! I swear, a torso! Weird huh? Around there were these ghouls with really big heads. (A new visual, with a pit of gore and 2 big headed midgits with pointy ears.) Look. Those are some big heads, aren't they? Remember those heads? Yeah. You do. I remember seeing that the ghouls had a severed foot, and the foot didn't bleed! How weird is that, right. There was a foot that they'd cut off but no blood!"
Every time he would reach into his bag to pull out another visual, Lauren and I would glance at each other as to say 'what the fuck is happening', and glance down the aisle at the guy that was shopping and listening in on the whole thing. He, obviously was cracking the fuck up! :)
"Around the base of the crooked trees were the ghouls and the spinning blades. The blades were set up in a pattern, like this. (a picture of the spinning blades in a zig zag.) and the Ghouls were sitting right about here. On the left side of the river were the straight trees like this (a picture of straight and tall trees with leaves only on the top branches.)
He went on like this for a further two or three minutes before finally putting away his binder and saying "Spread the word. My name is Wes, you have a good night." as he walked away down the aisle next to us.
At this point, I actually try to read the shampoo bottles that I'd been trying to read for his whole rant. Lauren left the aisle cause she knew that it wasn't over...
At the far end of the Aisle, Wes pops his head out and starts addressing me again. I honestly don't remember what he said at this point. I think it had something to do with Jesus telling him about how bad witchcraft was. I know he introduced himself again, and asked my name. I told him I was Jeff. I'm not in the habit of giving my real name to crazies. Anyway, he finally took off and I was left in the shampoo aisle to wonder what the fuck just happend!
Anyway, we got our shit and left the store, but not before running into the badass guy from down the aisle who told us, "hey! You guys are the chosen ones!" We all had a good laugh about it. :)
That's the tale of crazy cultist Wes and his visual aids. I wish I was making this shit up!