reminiscing
I have been sitting chatting on and off with people for about 3 hours and started top read peoples journals where I last left off, which was when I left home. then I just started to get all nostalgic and remember everything before I left. for some reason only now have I remembered the hurtful things that happened before I left. How some friends have changed for the better, and some just dont even acknowledge me anymore. IDK, I think I feel sad but im not sure I know what that is anymore. Ive seen so much even though I was on only a short time. Ive seen close friends get taken away by security forces, seen one attempt to kill himself and another one succeed. I even had to put up with a child molester get put in my element, and know that as an element leader I had to put up with it. We got to see videos of actual wartime and see what a real land mine can do. IDK I guess I have become alittle numb. but oh well, isnt that kind of for the better. I havent really ever written about all the bad things that happened down there. even now on some nights I can still here retreat. Then on others the swinging door with jackson hangin there, its a horror when you and the other dorm guard are teying to inform CQ while staying calm and making sure no one goes toward the latrine. and right now at this moment I dont feel anything, of course I also have been drinking alittle. I miss all my friends down there, and the ones who were sent home. lets see how the summer turns out, maybe I can gain some of my friends back. Somehow I feel like I have lost touch them, or maybe with myself. Or maybe im too busy trying to please my family, seeing as im the only one with a real shot at a future. So there u have it everything that happened down there and somewhat how i feel now.