Le Fin
Two more days.
Two more days and I'll have officially ended my first year of college. My first year of living on my own. My first year of making my own decisions, and being the one who has to clean up after the bad ones. Admittedly, I could have done a couple of things differently, handled a couple of situations in a better manner, and kept myself out of certain ones that brought me unnecessary grief; but to look back on the past year and regret what I've done won't fix those problems. All I can do now is think about what to do the next time around.
Ahead of me I have three months of freedom. The voices inside my head are telling me I'm going to spend it like I did during the many summers of high school, but my gut tells me that things won't be the same. Along with all of my friends, I've gone through a year of college. In the grand scheme of things, a year is about as insignificant as can be; but my "living in the moment" mentality is telling me how this past year has changed me in ways that I probably won't realize until many moons from now. In one year I've seen parts of those I know that I thought never existed. Exposing myself to the fragility of the human frame and mental state left me shocked and ever so aware of how the same feelings, emotions, and worries of others were not only apparent, but just as affecting and life-altering in my own life.
The past year has seen me go through extreme highs of elation; involving my joy of finally living on my own, to my first college A, to the relief that comes with the realization that even though it's over, the coming years have only started. I've met people who I probably would never have had the chance to meet wasting my time at home. I've taken classes with people well beyond my years, with children and families of their own. The experience with my fellow schoolmates wasn't the only eye-opener, the teacher-student dynamic is such that I'm able to loathe and detest one professor to such an undescribable extent, while going to another teacher's home to finish up a project for the class they teach an hour later.
Along with the joy comes the despair; although I choose not to dwell too much on past events that I would most rather choose to forget, I believe it to be beneficial to take those experiences as we age to ensure that we take each lesson and apply it to our own lives. I can rattle off a laundry list of things I've done here in Davis; while fun and very un-Ariel, might not have been the wisest decisions of my short existence. What can one do to erase the self-inflicted pain, the unnecessary stress, and the heartbreak? Nothing. I take all my experiences as a first year college student at the University of California, Davis as just that: experiences. Although some good and some not-so-good, they are now a part of who I am today. Not the same outrageously obnoxious high school graduate who ran down the steps of Saint Mary's Cathedral a year ago, but an older, somewhat wiser, and a more open-minded student.
I write this not to preach to the next generation of college freshmen. I write not to warn you about making a spur of the moment trip down to the local dance club the night before you have a midterm, or to stop you from jumping into the pool fully-clothed when you have an eleven page Linguistics paper to start. I write to tell you TO make those mistakes. They make college what it is. A vehicle for us to let go of all inhibitions, have fun, let loose, and just be ourselves. When you talk to your kids about your own experiences in college, you can confidently tell them about the time you lit fireworks in the parking lot behind your building and ran for dear life when you realized it was a hell of a lot louder and brighter than you originally thought; and you can safely brush off all blame and responsibility for your irrational behavior by ending with...
"...hey, it was college."
Two more days and I'll have officially ended my first year of college. My first year of living on my own. My first year of making my own decisions, and being the one who has to clean up after the bad ones. Admittedly, I could have done a couple of things differently, handled a couple of situations in a better manner, and kept myself out of certain ones that brought me unnecessary grief; but to look back on the past year and regret what I've done won't fix those problems. All I can do now is think about what to do the next time around.
Ahead of me I have three months of freedom. The voices inside my head are telling me I'm going to spend it like I did during the many summers of high school, but my gut tells me that things won't be the same. Along with all of my friends, I've gone through a year of college. In the grand scheme of things, a year is about as insignificant as can be; but my "living in the moment" mentality is telling me how this past year has changed me in ways that I probably won't realize until many moons from now. In one year I've seen parts of those I know that I thought never existed. Exposing myself to the fragility of the human frame and mental state left me shocked and ever so aware of how the same feelings, emotions, and worries of others were not only apparent, but just as affecting and life-altering in my own life.
The past year has seen me go through extreme highs of elation; involving my joy of finally living on my own, to my first college A, to the relief that comes with the realization that even though it's over, the coming years have only started. I've met people who I probably would never have had the chance to meet wasting my time at home. I've taken classes with people well beyond my years, with children and families of their own. The experience with my fellow schoolmates wasn't the only eye-opener, the teacher-student dynamic is such that I'm able to loathe and detest one professor to such an undescribable extent, while going to another teacher's home to finish up a project for the class they teach an hour later.
Along with the joy comes the despair; although I choose not to dwell too much on past events that I would most rather choose to forget, I believe it to be beneficial to take those experiences as we age to ensure that we take each lesson and apply it to our own lives. I can rattle off a laundry list of things I've done here in Davis; while fun and very un-Ariel, might not have been the wisest decisions of my short existence. What can one do to erase the self-inflicted pain, the unnecessary stress, and the heartbreak? Nothing. I take all my experiences as a first year college student at the University of California, Davis as just that: experiences. Although some good and some not-so-good, they are now a part of who I am today. Not the same outrageously obnoxious high school graduate who ran down the steps of Saint Mary's Cathedral a year ago, but an older, somewhat wiser, and a more open-minded student.
I write this not to preach to the next generation of college freshmen. I write not to warn you about making a spur of the moment trip down to the local dance club the night before you have a midterm, or to stop you from jumping into the pool fully-clothed when you have an eleven page Linguistics paper to start. I write to tell you TO make those mistakes. They make college what it is. A vehicle for us to let go of all inhibitions, have fun, let loose, and just be ourselves. When you talk to your kids about your own experiences in college, you can confidently tell them about the time you lit fireworks in the parking lot behind your building and ran for dear life when you realized it was a hell of a lot louder and brighter than you originally thought; and you can safely brush off all blame and responsibility for your irrational behavior by ending with...
"...hey, it was college."