(no subject)
I was a tool all this time.
to you.
so you can pour your problems and vent to me about whatever the fuck happens in your sad fucking life story.
that's all i was to you. someone to tell shit to. but when you're happy, no. You go to all these other fucking bitches on your page and talk to them and attention whore to them and vice versa. Look, I'm over you. I realized that a few weeks ago. You know, when you decided to IGNORE my phone calls?
It still hurts, because I've been dealing with this from multiple fucking people. and from you of all people, I did not expect you to do this to me. and you what? my guard is WAY higher than it was before. This is an excellent lesson indeed as to why I should not think opposite of why humans are all such selfish scum. This is why I do not let people get close to me. Whatever I say to anyone does not get through. I don't matter. No matter how nice I am. No matter what. Oh fucking well. Boo fucking hoo.
This is why I am the way I am. This is why I never expose my sensitive side HARDLY ANYMORE. why I am reserved, 'shy', quiet, hateful, aggressive, angry, disgraceful. Everyone i associate with are just a bunch of fake people and know that deep down them and their little party buddies are the same.
Too many times this week I've been thinking about just killing myself. because I cannot be happy. I cannot just socialize. I cannot be normal, and just fucking function properly, like the rest of the fucking robots; to be normal. No matter what bullshit I try to say to myself make me happy, it won't work. The only thing keeping me alive sadly is my job, but that will end sometime. Because I am becoming miserable.
the other part of what is keeping me from being okay is the fact that i have feelings for someone else. which i know for sure that it will never be. that i know will not ever get my feelings returned. but that is this miserable thing called life. I'm not even sure why I like him. why can't i be asexual for the rest of my life?
I honestly hope I push someones buttons so bad that they'll just shoot my head to fucking pieces. that my brain's remains are splattered about the walls to the point where they're all pink and red.
--
I wrote that a few days ago on my myspace blog. but i privatized it to where only i can see it.
not sure why i posted this here.
but the point is is that i fucking give up on things such as love, happiness, hoping that i'll be something. anything of that nature pretty much.
to you.
so you can pour your problems and vent to me about whatever the fuck happens in your sad fucking life story.
that's all i was to you. someone to tell shit to. but when you're happy, no. You go to all these other fucking bitches on your page and talk to them and attention whore to them and vice versa. Look, I'm over you. I realized that a few weeks ago. You know, when you decided to IGNORE my phone calls?
It still hurts, because I've been dealing with this from multiple fucking people. and from you of all people, I did not expect you to do this to me. and you what? my guard is WAY higher than it was before. This is an excellent lesson indeed as to why I should not think opposite of why humans are all such selfish scum. This is why I do not let people get close to me. Whatever I say to anyone does not get through. I don't matter. No matter how nice I am. No matter what. Oh fucking well. Boo fucking hoo.
This is why I am the way I am. This is why I never expose my sensitive side HARDLY ANYMORE. why I am reserved, 'shy', quiet, hateful, aggressive, angry, disgraceful. Everyone i associate with are just a bunch of fake people and know that deep down them and their little party buddies are the same.
Too many times this week I've been thinking about just killing myself. because I cannot be happy. I cannot just socialize. I cannot be normal, and just fucking function properly, like the rest of the fucking robots; to be normal. No matter what bullshit I try to say to myself make me happy, it won't work. The only thing keeping me alive sadly is my job, but that will end sometime. Because I am becoming miserable.
the other part of what is keeping me from being okay is the fact that i have feelings for someone else. which i know for sure that it will never be. that i know will not ever get my feelings returned. but that is this miserable thing called life. I'm not even sure why I like him. why can't i be asexual for the rest of my life?
I honestly hope I push someones buttons so bad that they'll just shoot my head to fucking pieces. that my brain's remains are splattered about the walls to the point where they're all pink and red.
--
I wrote that a few days ago on my myspace blog. but i privatized it to where only i can see it.
not sure why i posted this here.
but the point is is that i fucking give up on things such as love, happiness, hoping that i'll be something. anything of that nature pretty much.