Meh, I just don't care anymore
I just don't care anymore...about the social bullshit I put up with everyday. So...yeah....for you guys who care about my life....here we go....
Some little fuck pissed me off last night...
Some fucker with the AIM name "NeilVodoor IsGay" got his hands on Kristin's screen name, then mine, and Laura's... I didn't care what he was saying to me, nothing anyone can say anymore as an insult affects me anymore. It just rolls off. I don't give a flying fuck what people think. It's just the fact of the effect it had on Laura and Kristin. That's really what ticked me off, I wanted to kill this little fucker because of the agitation, fear, and loathing that was bestowed on Kristin, and Laura, I love them to much to see bullshit happen to them. I tried until 7:30 this morning to see if I could trace the little fuck, but to no avail. It would be impossible to do without breaking a few laws. Then again, I would have broken a few laws when I found out who that fucker was. God he pissed me off. If anyone recognizes the name "NeilVodoor IsGay" please let me know....it would be greatly appreciated.
My heart doesn’t ache anymore...
I've given up on the hunt for love. I don't see much point anymore. There is no point for searching for someone that doesn’t exist.
I wish I could find someone, but I don't allow it to burden me anymore, I have all that I need, friends, flings, and God...that's all I really need. Maybe the fling will turn into something else...if not, fuck it...there's a couple more females on this earth right? If someone wants to LOVE me for who I am, then so be it, if not...I'll die alone...and hopefully happy.
Speaking of my heart...
These anxiety pains (that's what the doctor classifies them as) are starting to piss me off. 90% of the day my chest feels like it's going to explode, then the other pains come...headaches, testicular ache...and other random parts of the body...Lovely...I'm falling apart...isn't that the greatest thing in the world.
So I've come to a new conclusion in life...
As you already read...that just sounds funny...already read....anyway....I don't care about people anymore....humanity is flawed....I'm not saying I'm not flawed....I'm flawed more than most...however I am not going to burden myself with the thoughts of trying to appeal to people in this world that don't matter in the long run...there is but one person to live toward...and that is God. God is the only person of who you should worry about what He thinks. Screw the frat boy...teacher...hot girl....they don't matter....God on the other hand is the one entity in this reality that matters...So I don't care...Love me...or...Leave me....I can suffer alone....or work through it with friends....I'll leave that fate up to you...
Now to talk about the people I care about...
Laura...I hope she makes it through her strife...she has the whole world on her shoulders and I wish I could relieve that burden from her. I hate to see her depressed...though there’s not much I can do...I love her to much to not care....and I would do anything to help her...
Fred (Dad)....I could say anything about him...but I have one thing and one thing alone to say about my father...he is the greatest Dad someone like me could ask for....regardless of what has happened before...I love him...
Kristin....She says nothing has changed, just her schedule...however something has to have changed....otherwise I wouldn't feel so awkward just talking to her...something is different....and I don't like it....I just want things back to how they were....before the drama....I value her friendship to much to let her slip away....
Robert....Boy what a surprise....when I first met him I was a little worried about what this year would bring...He's an awesome mother fucker...I couldn't have asked for a better room mate...I just hope it doesn’t disappear next year...he's been to cool to me to lose...
Lizzie....I thought about her for a while...I miss our old friendship....yesterday I cried about her....I found this old note she gave me...explaining some things and letting me know how much she values our friendship....that note was old....I wonder if it's still that valuable...I have my doubts....I don't want to loose my Irish buddy....not now....not ever....
Jeff....I've given up trying to explain our friendship....I'm just going to assume the best....he's busy....so I understand....if something has changed he would have told me....I hope....
Tony.....Going into the Navy....great....another one gone to the Armed Forces....at least he'll make something of his life....I hope he stays in touch....I'll miss the bastard...
Jesse...Man he is a great friend...brother....and I couldn't ask for a better friend....
and for those I didn't mention or things I didn't bring up I'm sorry but my chest feels like it's on fire......time to go die.....
Some little fuck pissed me off last night...
Some fucker with the AIM name "NeilVodoor IsGay" got his hands on Kristin's screen name, then mine, and Laura's... I didn't care what he was saying to me, nothing anyone can say anymore as an insult affects me anymore. It just rolls off. I don't give a flying fuck what people think. It's just the fact of the effect it had on Laura and Kristin. That's really what ticked me off, I wanted to kill this little fucker because of the agitation, fear, and loathing that was bestowed on Kristin, and Laura, I love them to much to see bullshit happen to them. I tried until 7:30 this morning to see if I could trace the little fuck, but to no avail. It would be impossible to do without breaking a few laws. Then again, I would have broken a few laws when I found out who that fucker was. God he pissed me off. If anyone recognizes the name "NeilVodoor IsGay" please let me know....it would be greatly appreciated.
My heart doesn’t ache anymore...
I've given up on the hunt for love. I don't see much point anymore. There is no point for searching for someone that doesn’t exist.
I wish I could find someone, but I don't allow it to burden me anymore, I have all that I need, friends, flings, and God...that's all I really need. Maybe the fling will turn into something else...if not, fuck it...there's a couple more females on this earth right? If someone wants to LOVE me for who I am, then so be it, if not...I'll die alone...and hopefully happy.
Speaking of my heart...
These anxiety pains (that's what the doctor classifies them as) are starting to piss me off. 90% of the day my chest feels like it's going to explode, then the other pains come...headaches, testicular ache...and other random parts of the body...Lovely...I'm falling apart...isn't that the greatest thing in the world.
So I've come to a new conclusion in life...
As you already read...that just sounds funny...already read....anyway....I don't care about people anymore....humanity is flawed....I'm not saying I'm not flawed....I'm flawed more than most...however I am not going to burden myself with the thoughts of trying to appeal to people in this world that don't matter in the long run...there is but one person to live toward...and that is God. God is the only person of who you should worry about what He thinks. Screw the frat boy...teacher...hot girl....they don't matter....God on the other hand is the one entity in this reality that matters...So I don't care...Love me...or...Leave me....I can suffer alone....or work through it with friends....I'll leave that fate up to you...
Now to talk about the people I care about...
Laura...I hope she makes it through her strife...she has the whole world on her shoulders and I wish I could relieve that burden from her. I hate to see her depressed...though there’s not much I can do...I love her to much to not care....and I would do anything to help her...
Fred (Dad)....I could say anything about him...but I have one thing and one thing alone to say about my father...he is the greatest Dad someone like me could ask for....regardless of what has happened before...I love him...
Kristin....She says nothing has changed, just her schedule...however something has to have changed....otherwise I wouldn't feel so awkward just talking to her...something is different....and I don't like it....I just want things back to how they were....before the drama....I value her friendship to much to let her slip away....
Robert....Boy what a surprise....when I first met him I was a little worried about what this year would bring...He's an awesome mother fucker...I couldn't have asked for a better room mate...I just hope it doesn’t disappear next year...he's been to cool to me to lose...
Lizzie....I thought about her for a while...I miss our old friendship....yesterday I cried about her....I found this old note she gave me...explaining some things and letting me know how much she values our friendship....that note was old....I wonder if it's still that valuable...I have my doubts....I don't want to loose my Irish buddy....not now....not ever....
Jeff....I've given up trying to explain our friendship....I'm just going to assume the best....he's busy....so I understand....if something has changed he would have told me....I hope....
Tony.....Going into the Navy....great....another one gone to the Armed Forces....at least he'll make something of his life....I hope he stays in touch....I'll miss the bastard...
Jesse...Man he is a great friend...brother....and I couldn't ask for a better friend....
and for those I didn't mention or things I didn't bring up I'm sorry but my chest feels like it's on fire......time to go die.....