(no subject)
I think this maybe my last journal. No, I'm not commiting suicide although I am considering it very much now. I wish I were dead. I pray at night before I go to bed that I may get lucky and die the next day. It's gone on too long. I don't want this anymore for me or you guys. I see that all I ever do is just be sad and complain and crap. I feel everybody would be better off without me. Think about it, you guys wouldn't have to put up with me. I mean all I ever do is bring you guys down. And I know some friends really care for me but its nothing big if I died. You would get over it. The same thing goes for my parents, they have to live with me and if I was gone there would be no problems. Speaking of problems, it seems thats all I cause nowdays. Everything I do somehow effects one person and then they get mad at me and crap so if I was dead, nothing to blame on me. And probably the main reason for everything is to get away from her...I love her. But at the same time I hate this whole situation. Because sometime over the summer or I don't even remember when, I fell in love with her and then it ended. And she told me there would be another time and I had faith in that. Then one day, she just didn't anymore and found another guy. Now all of you should know I am not blaming her, she did nothing wrong. This is all self-inflicted on myself for falling in love and holding on to it and yeah I regret everyday for it too. So yeah its not her fault, its all my fault. Only one person knows how I feel and we both feel the same pain wishing we were dead, and that person who can relate to me knows who he is. I don't want anybody telling me I'm pitiful, selfish, or some depressed guy cause I know that already. I know what I am and I'm not proud...There is so much more I could say and put and stuff but I don't care anymore. I hear all the time you all want me to be happy. Well then please, just let me die and pass away...My heart, soul, and will to go on are all dead, all the remains is a person praying for his death to come soon...