Dec 29, 2006 01:55
It's been a while, for me, since I've updated my lj. Well, I survived my 4th semester of seminary, well I think I survived I only have one grade so far, but I passed and it was the class that I hated. After Thanksgiving life was pretty stressful but fun. I had a ton of stuff to do for the end of the semester plus 5 finals. Starbucks and I were BFF. But I managed to have alot of fun despite all the work that was to be done. I did alot of baking, a great stress reliever for me. I did alot of baby-sitting, and spent quality time with people. I still have to find a practicum site but I"m considering dropping the class and taking something else.
Christmas break has been great so far. I haven't even been gone a week yet. In fact a week ago today I took the hardest final I've ever had in life. I had a great time at dad's. My brother, Denny, and his girlfriend, Pamela (who will one day be his wife) were there. I hadn't seen my bro in 2 years and I"d never met Pam before. It was good to be around him and see who he is now. I'm not all about putting people in a box (and don't really like it when I"m put in one). And Denny's happy, like content and happy. I've never seen him like that before. I seriously had to keep myself from crying once when I really saw that in him. But I felt like it was easier to talk to Pamela instead of him. And she is alot of fun and doesn't take his crap, which is great and she's patient with him. He's bi-polar I (or my diagnosis would probably be cyclothymia)and he let me ask questions about it and was really open, but I had to bite my tongue to make sure I didn't go into counselor mode with him. And my dad is happy and waiting until his girlfriend and her grandkids can move to TN so they can be together. I definitely learned more about Ephesians 4:29 b/c my dad and brother can be really harsh with their words b/c they are never wrong and will put alot of blame on me for things. And I'm a sensitive person and it's hard to take and I definitely felt myself shut down a couple of times, but I moved on and I expect such things to happen.
Now I"m at my mom's and my sinuses are insane-so much snot has come out of my nose today, it's crazy. I've gone shopping, visited with some of the fam last night and have watched quite a bit of football.
Here go my brief random thoughts...
I"m not sure if I"m going back to Russia during the summer or not. I'm torn b/n staying and working and saving money for school and going. I don't have a peace about either and I'm really hoping it's not one of those things where the Lord just lets me choose. I really don't know what to do.
With all the baby-sitting I've done this month I've realized how much I really want to get married and have a family. And other things have played into that, like the fact that I"m the only believer in my family and no one really understands me and get humored sometimes. And I've had several people tell me they think I'll be a great mom one day. And I got all this kitchen stuff for Christmas and can't wait to use it when I get back.
I think Joe Kines should be the new AL head coach. And I wonder why AL (i.e. Mal Moore) is more concerned with having someone with a big name than someone who is good. And also I wonder why guys on the defense think one arm tackling works; it doesn't-you gotta wrap 'em up and bring 'em down.
This is the last thing b/c this is so long now that no one will probably read this, but here I go. So I don't think I"m having a spiritual crisis, but I feel like I'm re-learning or re-thinking and re-evaluating everything that I know about what it means to be a Christian and some things about the Lord (I'm definitely firm on the Trinity). I've realized through my counseling (gotta love Judy) that I think I have to endure hardship to get blessings, which has very much been my experience, but He isn't based on my experience. I have a hard time believing that the Lord will give me good things and won't keep good things from me because He loves me. And by good things I don't mean only material things or only spiritual things. And then on CNN last night there was a special on what is a Christian? I only saw a part about Joel Osteen and a part on Unitarians, but it made me ponder the question a bit. When I was at dad's I didn't know how to act sometimes. I wanted to talk about my relationship with Jesus but there wasn't an opportunity that I saw; maybe I missed it. And with Pamela I felt like I just needed to show her that I accepted her and loved her. B/c she would get this look, this wall, when I said certain things about school or the Bible. So I did my best to follow what I thought the Spirit was telling me to say. And on the days when I actually do read my Bible it's kind of like seeing it with new eyes. But I'm not really reading it a whole lot. And that needs to change.
Well, that's all I've got for now.
Peace