Frustration, humility and rest
I don't mean to repeat myself so often, but this semester has been so hard and it's not letting up. Today I was going to go to chapel b/c on of the girls in my small group said that she wanted to come. I called her this morning just to make sure she was still coming, and she didn't answer, so I wasn't sure what to do so I went to campus anyways and she never came or called me back. I was really annoyed. But there's always grace and normally when something like this happens the person has a fantastic reason for not following through. However, I was still annoyed. One of my pet peeves is for people to not call me back. It makes me question my worth and value, then I"m like where am I putting my worth and value, kind of like what Beau talked about in his post. But I got over it. Unfortunately, I've kind of learned to not expect too much from people. Then I got some free food at Luke's and then ran some errands.
I started to think about my trip to New Orleans and I started to question if this was a wise decision I had made in going b/c of all the school work I have. And then I found out that I have another paper/project due, on Monday. I also have a case study due Tuesday, and butt-load of reading, a quiz and more reading. And my definition of God is due in two weeks. And so I"m like, Krysti, are you crazy? How are you going to get all of this done when you're up and leaving for two days? I felt totally defeated and was like I"m quitting for real this time. There's no way I can finish this semester well. So then I just sat down with the Lord and lamented. =) And then I was quiet and He gently told me that He loved me and that He created me. He gave me my mind and He will work through it and I will get everything done b/c this is where He wants me. He didn't put me here in these classes for me to fail. And it might mean I sacrifice some more sleep or time with friends to get it done, but as long as I'm not being lazy He's going to help me. He just reminded me that it's not about what I want. And it's not about me having to want to do something to do it. It's all about Him. And in Him I live and move and exist. And He's humbling me to make me be dependent on Him in every single aspect and part of my life. And it's hard b/c I have nothing left to control!!! And that's a good thing but the flesh is fighting so hard against the Spirit. And that leaves me just wanting to quit. =) But oh wow, is our God gracious and merciful b/c my class tomorrow is cancelled so I have a few extra hours to get stuff done tomorrow so that I'm not so overwhelmed when I get back. Praise God for that!!! And He's giving me ideas of things to do and He's working for the good for me. How great is our God that He cares for me that much and not just me but you all too. =) Oh, I"ll be honest and say that I've always had a hard time understanding taking Jesus' yoke and resting in Him. Well I understand it, but I don't know always how to apply it, I guess, but I think I"m learning that-being psycho busy and yet resting in Him. And I think my decision to go to New Orleans is a good one b/c school should not run my life. I also had some affirmation from Judy on that today during my session.
I wrote my psalms last night and you know, it wasn't that hard. They are not by any means a phenomenal work of literature, but I think they reflect my heart. =) If anyone ever wants to read them I can send them to you. So I think with my definition of God, it's just a matter of sitting down and just doing it.
I am ready for the semester to be over. I don't like this up and down of emotions and frustration. Like I never know how to answer the question, how are you, b/c I want to quit but this is also one of the most incredible times of growing and learning I've ever had in my 6 1/2 years of knowing the Lord. So I'm good but I'm not good at the same time. =) And I don't really like that b/c I'd rather just be more happy-go-lucky all the time, instead of battling each day, but I remember Scott Sparks, such a wise man, once say that if you aren't tempted then you need to examine your relationship in the Lord b/c there's something off. That's not exactly how he said it but that's the jist of it.
Well I"m going to go read or make a packing list or something.
If you think about it please pray for us this weekend while we are in New Orleans; for safety, flexiblity, and that we'd be the fragrance of Christ while we are there.
Peace out!! =)
I started to think about my trip to New Orleans and I started to question if this was a wise decision I had made in going b/c of all the school work I have. And then I found out that I have another paper/project due, on Monday. I also have a case study due Tuesday, and butt-load of reading, a quiz and more reading. And my definition of God is due in two weeks. And so I"m like, Krysti, are you crazy? How are you going to get all of this done when you're up and leaving for two days? I felt totally defeated and was like I"m quitting for real this time. There's no way I can finish this semester well. So then I just sat down with the Lord and lamented. =) And then I was quiet and He gently told me that He loved me and that He created me. He gave me my mind and He will work through it and I will get everything done b/c this is where He wants me. He didn't put me here in these classes for me to fail. And it might mean I sacrifice some more sleep or time with friends to get it done, but as long as I'm not being lazy He's going to help me. He just reminded me that it's not about what I want. And it's not about me having to want to do something to do it. It's all about Him. And in Him I live and move and exist. And He's humbling me to make me be dependent on Him in every single aspect and part of my life. And it's hard b/c I have nothing left to control!!! And that's a good thing but the flesh is fighting so hard against the Spirit. And that leaves me just wanting to quit. =) But oh wow, is our God gracious and merciful b/c my class tomorrow is cancelled so I have a few extra hours to get stuff done tomorrow so that I'm not so overwhelmed when I get back. Praise God for that!!! And He's giving me ideas of things to do and He's working for the good for me. How great is our God that He cares for me that much and not just me but you all too. =) Oh, I"ll be honest and say that I've always had a hard time understanding taking Jesus' yoke and resting in Him. Well I understand it, but I don't know always how to apply it, I guess, but I think I"m learning that-being psycho busy and yet resting in Him. And I think my decision to go to New Orleans is a good one b/c school should not run my life. I also had some affirmation from Judy on that today during my session.
I wrote my psalms last night and you know, it wasn't that hard. They are not by any means a phenomenal work of literature, but I think they reflect my heart. =) If anyone ever wants to read them I can send them to you. So I think with my definition of God, it's just a matter of sitting down and just doing it.
I am ready for the semester to be over. I don't like this up and down of emotions and frustration. Like I never know how to answer the question, how are you, b/c I want to quit but this is also one of the most incredible times of growing and learning I've ever had in my 6 1/2 years of knowing the Lord. So I'm good but I'm not good at the same time. =) And I don't really like that b/c I'd rather just be more happy-go-lucky all the time, instead of battling each day, but I remember Scott Sparks, such a wise man, once say that if you aren't tempted then you need to examine your relationship in the Lord b/c there's something off. That's not exactly how he said it but that's the jist of it.
Well I"m going to go read or make a packing list or something.
If you think about it please pray for us this weekend while we are in New Orleans; for safety, flexiblity, and that we'd be the fragrance of Christ while we are there.
Peace out!! =)