Psalm 30:5
"For His anger is but for a moment, His favor is for a lifetime; Weeping may last for the night, but a shout of joy comes in the morning." I think I understand more about the joy coming in the morning. =)
Today has been a really great day. Work was fun-even though these little boys who are potty training are having a few problems aiming in the toilet. LOL. =) And normally I"m really tired on Monday's but today I wasn't so much. It was a little weird driving around Dallas in the areas that were flooded yesterday. And then Bible study tonight was great. We have a little problem getting there on time and I was kind of scattered but we had some good discussion. The heart of the chapter that we did was about finding your identity in Christ. And then we had like prayer request time and they shared about their lives and things they are struggling with!! It was wonderful!!! Like it's starting to feel like a community. Praise the Lord!!!
I've had some more time to process, especially since I can't seem to sleep. I still don't know exactly what the Lord is doing, not just in my life but on a larger scale. But I do think it is more of "My grace is sufficient for you; for My power is made perfect in weakness." Like early in the semester I remember praying and saying to God that I had nothing left to give to anyone and it was then that I started noticing the Spirit's work in my life more. I was just more aware of the Spirit working in me. I've really thought about this alot and I think I"m coming to the conclusion that that's how it's supposed to be. It is about the Lord working in us and it's about Him, not me. It's not about my talent, or kindness b/c it's all from Him. Also I've been thinking about how my life since I've become a Christian and even before, has never been about what I want. And sometimes I get a little mad at the Lord b/c I"m not getting what I want. And I think of Luke 9:23 "And He said to them 'If anyone wishes to come after Me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow Me." It's about denying myself, which include my wants, and follow Him. Even when that means that I can't sleep and I don't have time to do what I want and I keep persevering and plowing through each day, following Him. And this may be a little silly, but I"ve realized that sometimes I depend more on sleep to help me through the next day than the Lord. It's like I base how the next day will be or how the day will be on the amount of sleep I get. Granted the Lord did create us to need sleep, but He can still work powerfully in us and strengthen us despite a little bit of sleep.
And a couple of other things. I think one of my spiritual gifts might be mercy. I don't think I've ever "tested" for it, but maybe it's something that is developing more. And I've been thinking of the verse in Come Thou Fount where it says "Prone to wander Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love." In my wanting to run to the mountains I feel that desire to want to escape. And I also know that we have choices to make-I could choose to live a complacent life, fooling myself that I'm being authentic-which is something I've watched several of my friends from college, it's like they just pick and choose what they want to follow/believe in the Scriptures-and you know, that's a choice I could make. It would definitely not be living the abundant life the Lord wants us to live or experiencing John 7:38 having rivers of living water flowing from my innermost being. But my desire is to seek the Lord and follow Him. To live how He wants me to-to have have rivers of living water, walk in a manner worthy of the Lord. But I have felt that tension and it always happens during a tough period of growth. I felt it alot my last year in T-town. This is the last thought b/c I need to read and the sleep. But I've also seen how far the Lord has brought me b/c there was a time I never would have shared this with people or it would just be one or two people several weeks later, not during the struggle. I realize more and more just about how much I need people and that some of the advice I give is good and I need to take it myself. =)
It's still going to be a hard semester to finish out, and I still definitely need prayer b/c I could still have nights like last night b/c let's be honest, this whole semester has been a huge roller coaster. But I do think I have a better perspective (joy in the morning) and the desire to keep on going and enduring.
Today has been a really great day. Work was fun-even though these little boys who are potty training are having a few problems aiming in the toilet. LOL. =) And normally I"m really tired on Monday's but today I wasn't so much. It was a little weird driving around Dallas in the areas that were flooded yesterday. And then Bible study tonight was great. We have a little problem getting there on time and I was kind of scattered but we had some good discussion. The heart of the chapter that we did was about finding your identity in Christ. And then we had like prayer request time and they shared about their lives and things they are struggling with!! It was wonderful!!! Like it's starting to feel like a community. Praise the Lord!!!
I've had some more time to process, especially since I can't seem to sleep. I still don't know exactly what the Lord is doing, not just in my life but on a larger scale. But I do think it is more of "My grace is sufficient for you; for My power is made perfect in weakness." Like early in the semester I remember praying and saying to God that I had nothing left to give to anyone and it was then that I started noticing the Spirit's work in my life more. I was just more aware of the Spirit working in me. I've really thought about this alot and I think I"m coming to the conclusion that that's how it's supposed to be. It is about the Lord working in us and it's about Him, not me. It's not about my talent, or kindness b/c it's all from Him. Also I've been thinking about how my life since I've become a Christian and even before, has never been about what I want. And sometimes I get a little mad at the Lord b/c I"m not getting what I want. And I think of Luke 9:23 "And He said to them 'If anyone wishes to come after Me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow Me." It's about denying myself, which include my wants, and follow Him. Even when that means that I can't sleep and I don't have time to do what I want and I keep persevering and plowing through each day, following Him. And this may be a little silly, but I"ve realized that sometimes I depend more on sleep to help me through the next day than the Lord. It's like I base how the next day will be or how the day will be on the amount of sleep I get. Granted the Lord did create us to need sleep, but He can still work powerfully in us and strengthen us despite a little bit of sleep.
And a couple of other things. I think one of my spiritual gifts might be mercy. I don't think I've ever "tested" for it, but maybe it's something that is developing more. And I've been thinking of the verse in Come Thou Fount where it says "Prone to wander Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love." In my wanting to run to the mountains I feel that desire to want to escape. And I also know that we have choices to make-I could choose to live a complacent life, fooling myself that I'm being authentic-which is something I've watched several of my friends from college, it's like they just pick and choose what they want to follow/believe in the Scriptures-and you know, that's a choice I could make. It would definitely not be living the abundant life the Lord wants us to live or experiencing John 7:38 having rivers of living water flowing from my innermost being. But my desire is to seek the Lord and follow Him. To live how He wants me to-to have have rivers of living water, walk in a manner worthy of the Lord. But I have felt that tension and it always happens during a tough period of growth. I felt it alot my last year in T-town. This is the last thought b/c I need to read and the sleep. But I've also seen how far the Lord has brought me b/c there was a time I never would have shared this with people or it would just be one or two people several weeks later, not during the struggle. I realize more and more just about how much I need people and that some of the advice I give is good and I need to take it myself. =)
It's still going to be a hard semester to finish out, and I still definitely need prayer b/c I could still have nights like last night b/c let's be honest, this whole semester has been a huge roller coaster. But I do think I have a better perspective (joy in the morning) and the desire to keep on going and enduring.