(no subject)
I'm not sure if anyone else really knows the feeling, but I can try to describe it. Abandoned. It's like she's here, but not really. Physically, yes, but not for anyone but herself. She's gone through three boyfriends in six months. And she's had sex with all of them. Her current boyfriend has been with her for about a month. A month and a week. Whatever. She's neglecting Katie too. That's what bothers me the most. She talks to him right when she gets home, then as we're eating, then as Katie's taking a bath, then right after she goes to sleep. You have to remember, that all takes place between 5:30 and 9 at night. So I end up taking care of her. That isn't so bad, it's just that my mom is sacrificing the eternal for the here and now. THAT'S what bothers me. You know, I had a D in history because I didn't like the teacher or the class. When I got my report card (Dave was over) I walked up to her with it and was like, "Look! I got a B!!" She just looked at me and said, "Okay, now move out of my way." I don't think she understands that it really hurts me. I don't show her and I don't give her my opinion because I'm afraid she'll throw me out. She's doesn't know about any of my Shannon plans. (Speak of the Devil. Dave just called) My aunt Jaime told me why she does it. For love. She wants someone to care about her and she wants to care back. I understand that. Everyone wants to love someone and be loved back. It's human nature. But having sex doesn't make boys love you. Having sex just makes them expect it every time you're together. (Part of why I don't want to) She needs to not be so needy though. She could go a little while without fucking someone she's just met. They like spoon in front of me. It's like I'm not even there. That's how I feel most of the time. She's told me several times that I'm only here to watch Katie and clean the house. Now, I don't clean. What's going to happen when I leave? I hate to sound like a whiny bitch, but that's how I feel. (Notice the when? That means ASAP. Gradutation week. Okay?)