Jackie
It's real now. I didn't think it was actually going to happen, in that i knew it was gunna happen but jus couldn't. jackie is gone. I thought that if I didn't admit to it, it wasn't really going to happen. this is the first time im actually admitting it, and my head is spinning like mad. I'm not suppose to be doing this alone. Jackie has always been right beside me or behind me in lines waiting to get our IDs, or going to the first day of 1st grade together and being attatched to the hip all through elementry school , or being there with me on the first day of 6th grade going into the big bad world of middle school, crying with me because we both didn't want to be in band, being there right next to me when we moved to simi in the middle of 7th grade and we were eachothers only friends, she was there walking with me to 1st period band on the first day of highschool, being the first to congradulate me on making first chair clarinet because she was the one who came with me to check, and then being half the reason i joined marching band, she was always there when i had a question on my hw, she was always with me in the back room hanging out when mary was getting yelled at, lol, she was standing right next to me when Royal played the show for the seniors one last time, and then we had our final walk together .... graduation. She was right next to me then. You know, it may have seemed that sometimes i hated being in the same grade with her, but i loved every single moment of it, and I wouldn't have had at any other way. I never had to worry about being alone when going into something new, because she was always doing it with me. I always had someone to talk to to. She was my permanant best friend. I couldn't cry at the airport this moening, i dunno for some reason i couldn't show her, and i looked at mary and she was crying her eyes out, i felt horrible. Seeing jackie go up the escaltor and seeing the tears in her eyes made our lives together these past 12 years flash before my eyes. i couldn't believe this was actually happening. I didn't think i would take it this hard. I wish everyone could experience what i have with their sister or brother. I wouldn't trade anything.
I dont know what I'm gunna do without you Jackie. I love you.